He knew his answer immediately, but he didn't want a wall of iron between them as he spoke this truth, so he dipped his hand inside his pocket and pulled out the key. Cassi watched with a fierceness that made his fingers tremble. When he opened the door, she could have run. She could have overpowered him and escaped.
She didn't.
She stood frozen as he stepped inside, frozen as he walked closer, frozen as he took one of her hands in his, cursing his disability for the millionth time in his life as his right arm hung limp by his side. As though she could read his thoughts, Cassi finally moved, just enough to reach out and grip his forearm, connecting them in every way, their eyes locked, their limbs entwined, their bodies close, and the outer edges of their wings brushing. Nothing seemed to exist outside of them and this moment, and the answer waiting on his tongue.
"You might not believe me, but I know what it is to live in terror," he said, the words raspy and raw. "Maybe not the way you do, or the way Lyana did, or the way anyone with magic does, but in my own way. The moment I found Rafe buried beneath the charred bodies of his parents, my own father burned beyond recognition, his skin blackened and crisp, I understood true terror. When I pulled my brother from the wreckage, his skin boiling and raw, yet still fleshy and pink, I knew he was different. And I knew that even with all my power and all my privilege, if the truth came out, I would never be able to save him. Ever since then, I’ve lived in terror that one day I'll have to be the one to give the order, that I'll have to watch in silent horror as the executioner's blade falls, that I'll have to spend the rest of my days knowing I was the one who killed him. If there's a way to keep Rafe safe, and Lyana safe, and you, and however many others there are like you, then I'd take it if I could. If magic isn't the enemy, then please, Cassi, tell me what is so I can learn how to fight that instead."
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. He waited and watched, not sure if his words, as honest as they were, would be enough to change her mind.
"I hope you mean that," she finally said, opening eyes as gray, opaque, and shrouded in mystery as the only sea he'd ever known. Then, meeting his, her gaze caught the reflection of the flames, and the clouds in it dissipated until her face shone like the sun after a storm. "It's a long story, and I'm not sure where to begin, but I guess I'll start here. My true name is Kasiandra'd'Rokaro, and I was born beneath the mist."
42
Cassi
It turned out that betraying Malek, his people, and the entire world beneath the mist was far easier than Cassi had ever imagined. Once she got started, she didn’t know how to stop. It was as though she were a dummy in the practice yard, filled with beans, and Xander had punctured her rough exterior, sending all the lies that once filled her cascading out.
She told him of her early years in the House of Peace, torn between two worlds and two best friends. She told him of Malek and his prophecy. She told him of the dragons and the rift and the spell holding the isles aloft. She told him of the cities shrouded in mist and the magic keeping those people alive. She told him of Lyana and her destiny. And finally, at long last, she told him of Rafe.
A strangled noise escaped Xander's lips as she described cutting off his brother's wings and dropping him over the edge. It was the only sound he made before clasping his fingers over his mouth, a worried groove digging into his forehead. Though he swayed on his feet, clearly shaken, he let her finish.
"So I stayed behind with my orders to kill you, but I didn't want to, Xander. I fought with Malek, and I struggled, the two sides of myself at war. I'm ashamed to say I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't come into my room and interrupted my plans. But you did. And now here we are. You have your answers. You have the truth. The only question left is what you're going to do with it."
Silence stretched between them.
Xander stared at the floor, still gripping his jaw, as the words washed over him. She didn’t know if he even realized he'd been stepping back, slowly, inch by inch, with every new secret she told. Now he was all the way across the cell, his onyx feathers pressed against the iron bars, as though he were the one trapped with nowhere left to escape.
Cassi, on the other hand, felt free. There was no pain, no guilt, no remorse, like she'd always imagined there would be if her lies were revealed. Malek had warned her so many times of the risk, holding the fate of the world over her head like a cudgel about to drop, and now that it had, she felt unburdened rather than destroyed. Only time would tell if her actions had sacrificed the world or saved it, but for the first time in her life, she felt as light and weightless as a bird, as fierce and uninhibited as the sea, the two sides of her finally joined. Though she knew Malek would be furious, Cassi had no regrets as she stood staring at Xander and waiting for him to speak. No matter what he said, she'd found a strange sort of peace in knowing all her terrible deeds had finally come out in the light.
"Cassi…"
Her name had never sounded so terrible coming through his lips, scratchy and strained, as though it had been pulled out by some hideous force. She braced herself for what would come next. In a few short minutes, she'd destroyed his entire way of life. The gods he believed in so deeply? Nothing but magic. The kingdom he loved so dearly? Hanging on a dying spell and ready to fall at any moment. The mate he wanted to save? A woman who was never meant to be his. And the mysterious man he wanted to fight? A king of prophecy he could never hope to best.
"Rafe," he said after a prolonged silence, staring at the uneven stones along the ground as though the pressure of his eyes alone could smooth their rough edges. "Where's Rafe?"
Of course, she thought, releasing the breath she'd been holding. The tension in her muscles melted away. I should've known his first thought would be for Rafe. "He's in a city called Da'Kin, being held hostage by my king."
"Alive?"
"Alive." She nodded, even though he wasn't looking at her. She wasn't even sure he was looking at anything in this room. His focus was both sharp and distant, as though by fixing his eyes on the tiniest crack in a rock, he'd somehow gained access to an entirely new world.
"Could Lyana heal him, if they were brought together? Could she fix him?"
"I don't know," she said softly. "I don’t think she understands how."
"But she could learn?"
"In theory."
"Then I have to save them."
She jerked upright, her wings expanding in protest. "You'll never get through Malek."
"I don't care. I have to try."
"Xander!"
The sharpness of her voice finally drew his attention. She saw every emotion swirling over his features, the confusion and the anger and the despair. The only thing she didn't see was hate, but she saw the yearning for it, as though he wanted to curse her name but couldn't quite form the words. Gone was the prince with lavender starlight in his eyes, his irises sparkling with mirth as she pressed him up against a wall, glittering with joy as they debated across a table laden with open books, glowing like the vast night sky as they held each other close in the darkness. Cassi might not have killed him, but she'd killed a part of him—the part that maybe, someday, might have loved her.