But one question is constant—do I want to be his mate?
Slate
I watch her from the trees, crouching on a branch above the ground so she can’t easily spot me. She wants space, and space she can have, but I am not leaving her alone out here to be attacked. She is strong and has powers, but she is also a healer, not a fighter. I will not let anything happen to her, even if she is angry with me right now.
She has every right to be. I didn’t know she couldn’t feel our bond. But I should have made it clearer, we should have spoken about it before we solidified it. I’m racked with guilt, my wolf howling in agony in my mind at the thought that we might lose her before we have even really had her.
We have our whole lives stretched before us, yet in this moment, everything could change, our paths could split. I would be broken. Could I even let her go? The mating call is strong. Even if I tried, I would be drawn to her and my wolf would never settle until he knew she was okay. He is protective, jealous, and possessive…as am I.
She looks so small, so alone, and so pained as she stares out at the water. I want to wrap her in my arms and shower her with love to ensure she knows she is never alone, but I don’t think that would help right now. I didn’t realise the extent of what happened to her before she came into the forest. I know I need to ask her more, to understand so I can help her, but right now, she needs to be alone.
So we both sit in silence, lost in our thoughts. Mine guilt-ridden and hurting, imagining a life without her. From her I get flashes of jumbled thoughts and feelings. I try to stay out of her mind to give her that privacy as well. She is right, she deserves to choose…but if she doesn’t choose me, can I live with that?
What if she chooses to go back? No, from the way she spoke of her land and people, I don’t think she will, not to mention what they did to her, but there is a whole world out there she could go to. We can’t stay here forever. She could leave, travel, explore, and find new people and make friends, a life…all without me.
If that’s really what she wants, who am I to stand in her way? I never want her to feel trapped like I have been. I know how that rots and morphs your mind, filling you with hatred and making you cruel. I couldn’t bear that in my sweet shining one.
The day passes slowly, and I venture down to leave her berries and water, but she doesn’t touch them as I go back to my perch. My wolf whines in pain, aching for her comfort, for her to touch him and assure him she won’t leave us.
We sit there until the sun starts to dim, throwing orange and pink across the sky above us, illuminating her beauty. She glows, even without the sun. She shines with innocence, kindness, and love. She is a creature of healing, capable of such great feats, but unlike those I have encountered over my years, unlike me, she is not touched by darkness. She doesn’t let it stain her soul like us. She is pure power and magic, pureness at its best.
She feels everything so strongly because of that, and knowing that right now is because of me breaks my heart, but as the sunlight starts fading, she lifts her head, squares her shoulders, and straightens her spine.
Her decision is made.
I hop from the tree, lingering in the shadows of the forest as she stands and turns, seeking me out. Just two lost souls, two fragments of light and dark.
Destined to be one.
If she accepts that.
ALEJANDRA
I stare at him. I thought I knew what I wanted to say, but watching my dark wolf, I realise I don’t. He makes me tongue-tied, weak yet strong. He stares at me with his heart in his eyes, waiting for me to hurt him like so many others have. He waits for that blow, waits for me to break his heart.
Just like I always do.
We are so similar yet different. We have both been hurt so many times, accustomed to being thought of as insignificant and treated as nothing more than a pawn for others to use. Yet here we stand with a chance at happiness. Can I really throw that away?
I think of those horrible things I said to him and wince. I panicked and acted cruelly. I know he didn’t do this on purpose or to be malicious. He did this because he felt something, knew something I was too blind to see. He did it because he cares for me and wants me. Not to control my future, but to be a part of it.
I accused him of being like the others, but nothing could be more untrue, I know that. Though I dislike how this happened, I have to accept this. I made this choice, and yes, deep down, I guess I knew this was more than a fling, I knew this was special.
I step closer towards the shadows as he steps free of them, meeting in the middle. Dark and light clash, creating a splendour of luminosity between us, because when darkness meets light, it turns into something magnificent—a million shades of grey, black, and white, all mixed together as one. They are all so different, yet easily complement each other to create something incredible.
Just like we could.
But he doesn’t let me talk. “I didn’t mean to take your choice away, that’s the last thing I want to do,” he begins with tears in his eyes. “I had the same done to me when I was locked away and made a slave… I didn’t mean to do that, darling, you have to believe me. I am so sorry. I got caught up in the mating high, but that’s no excuse… I never thought I would have a mate. Then I met you, and I knew straightaway you were mine. It felt like a bolt of lightning hitting my body and heart. I didn’t even consider if you felt the same, which was selfish and foolish of me. I promise, I don’t want to hurt you or control you, I just…I just wanted you. That was my mistake, and I can’t make up for that. I feel horrible. Let me get you to the city like you wanted, and you can decide your own future, go your own way. I will leave you to it, I promise I will.”
It hurts, because that’s not what I want either. What do I want? I don’t know, but I need to figure it out and fast before Slate walks away, scared of hurting me. I would lose him.
I couldn’t bear it.
My emotions are so muddled, I remain silent. He steps back, and the gap causes me to cry out and step forward as tears well in my eyes. “I don’t want that either.”
“Then what do you want, darling? Tell me, tell me what you want, and I will do it. I’ll do anything as long as it makes you happy.”
“Why?” I ask, needing to know.
“It’s more than fate or destiny,” he murmurs, stepping closer again, pressing his body to mine. “I chose you, my wolf chose you, and then you saved us… So even if it means letting you go, I’ll do it. All I care about is your happiness. So tell me, Alejandra, what do you want?” he queries, tilting his head down. I raise mine until only a breath is between us. I want to close that distance, to go back to everything being simple between us, but I don’t know if I can.
I have to know before I do, because once I have chosen, there is no turning back. I know that. I can feel that. But the fact that he is so willing to let me go, that he says it’s more than fate, is what solidifies my choice.
I gather my courage and lift up, sealing my lips to his, answering with the gesture, but he needs more, I feel it when he doesn’t kiss me back. So, lips brushing against his, I speak the words ringing in my soul. “Yes, I’m your mate.”