Home > The Forbidden Wish(42)

The Forbidden Wish(42)
Author: Jessica Khoury

   “Aladdin . . .”

   He tenses, not looking my way.

   “What happened between you and Caspida?”

   Now he looks at me, and the anger in his eyes catches me by surprise. “I told her all sorts of lies. That I have an army back in Istarya, and treasuries filled with gold, and that it would all be hers if she would marry me.”

   A servant has left a pot of tea and refreshments by the divan. I pour myself a cup and warm my hands wth it, trying to keep them from shaking. “What did she say?”

   “That she would think about it.” He laughs bitterly, then falls silent for a long moment. I wish I could read his thoughts, but his face is closed to me.

   “When I saw you in the hall with Darian,” he says at last, “I felt more angry than I’ve felt in a long time. I was angry and . . . and afraid, that you wanted to be there, that you wanted him touching you. In that one look, I felt more than I’ve ever felt with Caspida. Zahra, I think you’re right—love isn’t a choice. If I could choose to love Caspida, maybe this would all be going differently, but I don’t think that’s possible. Not anymore.”

   All the smoke inside me sinks as I stare at him. “What are you saying?”

   He turns and meets my gaze squarely. As much I want to, I find it impossible to look away. The intensity of his copper gaze holds me entranced.

   “I think you know,” he says softly. “Or am I the only one who feels it?”

   My skin and the roots of my hair tingle, as if the air around us is charged, a storm about to break.

   “I don’t know what you mean.” The words are bitter on my tongue.

   With a growl of frustration, Aladdin turns away and scrubs at his hair. “I can never tell when you’re lying. It drives me insane. I’m a good liar, and I know a good lie when I hear it. But you . . . you’re maddening!”

   I smile a little, unhumorously, thinking how I could say much the same of him.

   He continues, “Over and over I’ve imagined the day Caspida and I marry. I’ve envisioned sending Darian off to the ends of the earth and sentencing Sulifer to a life of scrubbing floors, finally avenging my parents. I’ve imagined these things all my life, but they no longer bring me the pleasure they once did.”

   He slips around the pillar, coming to stand behind me, and the pleading note in his voice cuts through all my defenses, leaving me breathless.

   “The things that were once sweet to me are now bitter. The sun is not half so bright. The stars seem dimmer. All this wealth and luxury feels meaningless. All the world is in your shadow, Zahra. I cannot help but see you when I close my eyes.”

   His fingers brush tentatively through my hair. I stiffen, and his hand withdraws.

   He moves in front of me, his eyes wild. “I know so little about you, and it eats at me night and day. Who are you? Why do you infect my mind?”

   “Aladdin, stop. Please.” My voice shaking, I finally jolt into motion, stepping forward and holding up my hands. “Don’t do this. Not now.” Not when I’m so close to my freedom. I came here ready to part with him forever, but he played his opening move first, and now I find myself on the defensive, parrying and blocking the assault of his words. But too many blows strike home.

   I’ve always been able to sense my masters, but with Aladdin it’s different. When I close my eyes, he’s there, grinning, laughing, daring me with those copper-brown eyes.

   For the first time I think about what comes after I win my freedom. For so long that’s been my single goal, but what happens next? Do I return to Ambadya, where they hate me? Do I stay in the human world, where they would destroy me if they knew what I was? I have nowhere to go to and no one to spend my freedom with, and for the first time I begin to wonder if that’s really freedom at all, or if I’m exchanging one prison for another.

   “I’m not for you,” I say desperately. “We are so different. Our lives are a thousand and one worlds apart. It wouldn’t work. And it’s dangerous.”

   But his face only brightens. “Then you do feel the same.”

   “We are not the same—and that is the whole point! I am not human, Aladdin. Everything that was once human in me was destroyed, and I was forged into something entirely different. I’m not here to help you—I was never here to help you, or any of my masters.”

   He shakes his head. “I don’t believe that.”

   “It doesn’t matter what you believe,” I say bitterly. “It is what it is, and it has nothing to do with what you want.”

   He walks around me, forcing me to face him. “You helped me get away from Darian in the desert. You got me into the palace when you could have let them find out who I really was. You taught me to dance, for sky’s sake! You’ve had a hundred opportunities to trick me and betray me, but you don’t. You’ve helped me when I didn’t wish for it.”

   “A chicken doesn’t fly like other birds, but it is still a bird.”

   “Zahra!” He spreads his hands, the wind ruffling his hair. “You do care. I see it when you think I’m not looking.”

   “Stop! I’m not what you think I am, Aladdin! I will betray you, and I will hurt you, because that is what I am. Why do you think Nardukha rips souls from the living and creates jinnis? Why do you think he sends us into the world? To make your miserable dreams come true? To bring you happiness?” I laugh sourly. “He gives you the thing you want most and uses it to destroy you. Look at yourself. You’re a prince. You have money, power, privilege. The chance to avenge your parents. And you’re miserable.”

   Aladdin stares at me, and in his eyes is pity. “I’ve been making myself miserable my whole life,” he says softly. “I convinced myself long ago that if I could get revenge on Sulifer, I could finally move on. That I could erase the memory of the day my parents died, when I held their severed heads and watched their blood run in the gutters. But as you say, here I am, a step away from that vengeance—and it has soured on my tongue. I don’t want it anymore.”

   He sighs and looks up at the sky, as if searching for words among the stars. “You don’t make me miserable, Zahra. I do that to myself, because I’m too weak, too afraid to admit that it isn’t Sulifer I’m angry at—it’s me. My parents were killed because of me. The day before they were executed, I was caught by the guards for stealing an earring, and when they found out who I was, Sulifer had me whipped until I told him where my parents were. And after they were dead, he gave me back the earring as payment for turning my mother and father over to him.” Lowering his gaze to meet mine, he brushes his fingers over the ring in his ear. “I’ve worn it every day since, to remind myself that nothing—nothing—is worth betraying someone you love.”

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