“I know that,” Jaxon tells me.
“Do you?” I ask. “Do you really? Because you say you love me, and I believe you do. But I don’t think you respect me. Not like an equal. Not like I need to be respected. If you did, you wouldn’t have just ignored me when I told you I thought it was a bad idea to go after the Unkillable Beast.”
“That’s not fair, Grace. I still stand by my opinion that letting Hudson into the world with his powers would be a disaster—”
“Xavier’s dead, Jaxon. He’s dead and it’s our fault! How are we supposed to live with that? How am I ever supposed to forgive myself for not fighting you harder? For not demanding that you listen? For not getting through to you?”
“You learn to understand what the rest of us already do. That it is a goddamn tragedy—” His voice breaks, but he clears his throat, swallows a couple of times. “It is a tragedy that Xavier died. But he said it himself the other night. Some things are worth dying for. Because if Hudson gets free with his powers, then a lot more people are going to suffer, a lot more people are going to die than just Xavier. That’s what you don’t understand.”
His words resonate. They do. Because I wasn’t here eighteen months ago. I didn’t see firsthand what Hudson did. I didn’t see what led to Jaxon feeling like he had to kill his brother.
And that’s when it hits me.
Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe the reason he can’t believe me is that if he does, he’s going to have to acknowledge that he didn’t have to kill his brother. He’s going to have to acknowledge that maybe he made the worst mistake of his life.
But we can’t keep doing this. We can’t keep chasing after ways to keep the world safe from Hudson, not when those ways leave people dead or badly injured.
“You’re going to have to trust me,” I tell him. “You’re going to have to believe me on this. Because if you don’t, I don’t see how we can get past it. You’re my mate, and I love you. But I can’t spend the rest of our lives together fighting for you to believe me. Fighting for you to believe in me.”
Hudson has gotten very, very quiet inside me. And I can understand why. There’s a part of me that can’t believe I’m saying this, that can’t believe I’m even thinking it. But I can’t live like this. I won’t live like this, where my partner isn’t actually my partner. I deserve better than that…and so does Jaxon.
“What does that mean?” he asks, and for the first time ever, Jaxon looks panicked, out of control, desperate. “What are you saying?”
Part of me wants to admit the truth. To say that I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m saying. I don’t know what I’m thinking. But that’s a cop-out. Worse, it’s weak. And if there’s one thing I’m not going to be anymore, it’s weak. Not for Jaxon. Not for anyone.
“I’m saying I need you to meet me halfway,” I tell him. “I need you to try to treat me as an equal. I need you to listen to me, to trust me, even when it’s the hardest thing in the world for you to do, because that’s what I’m willing to do for you. But if you can’t get there, if you can’t even try, then I don’t know where we’re going to end up.”
He doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, doesn’t espouse his undying love, doesn’t promise me that he’ll do anything I want. And actually, I’m grateful for that. I’m grateful for the time he spends thinking about it. Because that means it’s real. That means he’s really trying to listen.
Finally, when my nerves are stretched to the breaking point and the clock has ticked down as long as we can afford to let it, Jaxon says, “I’ll try, Grace. Of course I’ll try. But I’ve been like this a really long time, so you’re going to have to cut me some slack. I’m going to mess up. I’m going to try to protect you even when you don’t need to be protected, and some of the time you’re going to have to let me. Because that’s who I am. That’s who I’ll always be.”
“I know,” I answer, tears burning my exhausted eyes as I finally, finally lean in to him. “We’ll both try, okay? And we’ll see where that gets us.”
He presses his forehead against mine. “Right now, I’m pretty sure where it’s going to get us is into that stadium where we may very well get our asses kicked.”
“Yeah,” I tell him. “Probably. But at least we’ll get them kicked together. That’s something, I guess.”
“Not something.” He looks at me with eyes that burn like the blackest sun. “That’s everything.”
106
Stone Hearts Can
Be Broken
It takes a couple of minutes for us to hobble up to the back entrance of the arena, but just as we get to the ornately carved entranceway, Cole walks out from behind the closest tree and starts clapping as he puts himself directly in our path.
“What do you want, Cole?” Jaxon growls, but there’s not a lot of strength behind it, and judging from the way Cole’s eyes go wide, he knows it, too.
“I just wanted to see if you were actually going to show up, Vega. It looks like you did. I don’t know if that means you’re brave or just the cockiest bastard on the planet. I mean, look at you.” He laughs. “I almost feel bad.”
I know I shouldn’t ask—he’s too smug and I don’t want to give him the satisfaction. But I’m tired and obviously easily bait-able, and the words come out before I know I’m going to say them. “For what?”
He looks me straight in the eye as he pulls a piece of paper, obviously ripped into pieces some time ago and now held together with tape, out of his pocket and says, “For this.”
Jaxon’s eyes go wide and he yells, “No!” as he makes a grab for Cole. But suddenly all of Cole’s minions are there. Two wolves grab on to me, two of them grab Jaxon, and the last three position themselves between him and Cole.
“You’re just so arrogant, aren’t you, Jaxon? You didn’t even hesitate to tear up something this powerful that could be used against you and throw it into the trash in front of everyone.” His smile is pure malice and something more…jealousy. “What must it be like to be that confident everyone fears you, that no one would ever even dare to hurt you or your mate? Well just remember: you brought this on yourself.”
And then Cole is reading a series of words that don’t make much sense to my already addled brain—words that sound like a spell or a poem. I don’t know. I’m so tired and it’s so hard to follow… Except as he finishes, there’s a giant wrenching inside me, a ripping in my soul that hurts like nothing has ever hurt before in my life.