“There’s that mean streak in you again, Grace.”
It’s only after Hudson walks into the shadows and disappears that I realize he never answered my question.
37
Sweet Dreams Are
Made of Anything
But This
Turns out, building a mental wall isn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Just placing individual bricks around a part of my mind. And the Bloodletter was right: my own defense mechanisms had gotten started all on their own, so the only thing I had to do was finish piling them higher and mortar them in place with sheer grit and determination.
Several hours later, after the Bloodletter had satisfied herself that the wall would hold, she lowers the bars and sets me free again.
I all but run out of the room and throw myself into Jaxon’s arms. No offense to the Bloodletter and her ice cave, but I can’t get back to school soon enough. Something about being trapped in a frozen cage and having no control over my life or my fate just does that to me. Shocking, I know.
Turns out, leaving isn’t quite possible yet, though, not when Jaxon has gone to the trouble of setting out the meal Uncle Finn had insisted we pack for me.
“Thank you so much,” I tell him as I all but devour the turkey sandwich and chips he’s arranged on a napkin beside a thermos of water. “This might be my new favorite food in the world.”
Jaxon raises one eyebrow. “And what would your old favorite food have been?”
I laugh. “I’m from San Diego. Tacos, of course.”
Now that I’ve eaten, I can feel, maybe, a little bit more hospitable to the woman who kept me locked in a cage all night. Maybe. So I force myself to smile and say, “Thank you for all your help.”
She waves in the general direction of the cave entrance. “It’s time for you two to be leaving.”
And just like that, we’ve been dismissed. Which is fine with me. I’m more than eager to finally say goodbye to these caves and this strange, ancient vampire who seems to have more secrets than I ever want to know.
The trip back isn’t quite as exhilarating as the trip to the Bloodletter’s cave—partly because we’re both so tired and partly because Hudson keeps up a running commentary in my head that makes it hard to concentrate on anything Jaxon has to say. I know I’m going to have to figure out what to do about that sooner rather than later, but for now I just concentrate on keeping the peace.
Because wrangling what amounts to a shit ton of testosterone with fangs is not exactly easy.
I’m completely exhausted by the time we make it back to Katmere. Hudson seems to have fallen asleep again, thank God, and I know Jaxon wants me to come to his room for a while, but all I want is my bed and about twelve hours of uninterrupted sleep. But since we have class tomorrow, I’ll settle for eight.
And Jaxon looks plenty fatigued himself, with dark circles under his eyes I’d only ever seen on him once before, when he first showed up in Uncle Finn’s office. I don’t know why I ever assumed Jaxon’s power was infinite. Of course it isn’t.
Still, he walks me to my room—of course he does—and once we get there, I go up on tiptoes and hug him as hard as I can.
The embrace startles him. Maybe because more often than not, lately, I’m backing away from him. Still, it takes only a second for him to wrap his arms around me and lift me off the ground in return.
As he does, he buries his face in my neck and just breathes me in. I recognize the move, because I’m doing the exact same thing to him. Even after hours of fading, he smells so good—all fresh water and oranges and Jaxon.
Then, just as suddenly, he’s several feet away, walking backward down the hallway while his eyes blaze with a dark fire that has my breath evaporating in my lungs. “Get some sleep,” he orders, “and I’ll meet you in the cafeteria tomorrow for breakfast.”
I nod and force my brain to work just long enough to string two words together. “What time?”
“Text me when you get up and let me know what works for you.”
I nod and turn to go inside, closing the door softly behind me.
“You’re back!” Macy exclaims, bouncing off her bed. “How was it? Was the Bloodletter as scary as everyone says? Is Jaxon really not afraid of her? Did she help you get rid of Hudson? Could she—” She breaks off as she gets her first good look at me. “Hey, are you okay?”
“Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” She grabs on to my shoulders and turns me around to face the mirror on her closet door. “Maybe because you look like that?”
“Oh.” My cheeks are flushed, my curls are wild, and dark circles ring my eyes and make me look feverish. “I’m fine. Just exhausted.”
I walk over to my closet and shuck all my snow gear.
“So can I assume Hudson is gone, then?” she asks tentatively, sitting down on the edge of her bed.
“You would assume wrong,” I say, collapsing on my own bed in my long underwear and turtleneck. I know I need to take a shower, but right now I have no motivation to do anything other than sit right here and pretend the last two days—and the last four months—have just been a really long nightmare that I’m about to wake up from any second.
“What do you mean?” Macy’s eyes go huge. “He’s still in you?”
“Ugh. Please don’t ever say it like that again.” I rub a hand over my very tired eyes. “But yes, Hudson is still in my head. The Bloodletter showed me how to wall off his powers so he can’t control me anymore, but he is definitely still in there.”
“How do you know? If he’s not taking you over—”
“Because he has a new trick. He talks to me now.”
Macy looks at me like she isn’t sure how to process that new information. “He…”
“Talks to me.” I roll my eyes. “Non. Stop.”
“Like, he just talks to you?” Macy asks, and when I nod, she continues. “I mean, what’s he saying right now?”
“He’s asleep right now, but I’m sure when he wakes up, he’ll have something to say.”
“About?”
“Anything. Everything. He’s definitely a vampire with opinions. Not to mention delusions of grandeur.”
Macy laughs. “That’s pretty much every vampire everywhere. They aren’t exactly known for their humble natures.”
I think of Jaxon and Lia, Mekhi and the other members of the Order. Macy might have a point there.