I didn’t point out that the invaders destroying our world would end the war just as much as the Wardens triumphing would. “I don’t know. Doesn’t it feel like we’ve entered the endgame, what with the invaders changing tactics? Maybe we’ll see the end sooner than we think.”
“I thought the invaders wanted humans to capitulate. This is more like they’re going for total destruction.”
“I think so, too. But that means they could make mistakes, if they’re changing the way they do things. And we’ve already destroyed some of their leaders. I choose to be optimistic.”
Viv laughed. “That’s one of the things I love about you, your endless optimism. That, and how you keep a tight leash on your curiosity. You haven’t even asked why I’ve been busy at the Gunther Node.”
That comment had slipped right past me. “Okay, why have you been busy at the Gunther Node?”
“It’s my new job. I’m working for Mr. Wallach as a lab assistant.”
I gasped. “Viv! What about the diner?”
“That was getting old. I’d already worked there about a year and a half longer than I’d promised myself I would, because the tips were good and the hours were flexible. But I’ve always been intrigued by Mr. Wallach’s inventions, and a few weeks ago I asked to be a tester for the portable ansible, which was so unbelievably cool I can’t even tell you. And when the test run was over, he said I’d been a big help and did I want a full-time job?”
I could easily picture Viv in a lab coat and goggles, though knowing Viv, the lab coat would be tie-dyed. “That’s amazing! And probably scary. Some of his inventions aren’t exactly safe.”
“Safe is boring. Besides, he’s a very careful experimenter. Doesn’t do human trials until he knows exactly what the results will be. A real job, Hel. Doesn’t that just blow your mind? Me, with a real job.” Viv sounded more pleased than astonished.
“I think it’s great. And you’ll get to see so many amazing inventions up close. Did you know he worked on time travel once? Though he said it was impossible.”
“I didn’t think Mr. Wallach thought anything was impossible.” Viv yawned, audible even over the phone. “You want to hang out today? Jeremiah’s out of town until Monday night.”
“Malcolm and I were going to do a picnic and a movie this afternoon. But he went to the node this morning, and he wasn’t sure when he was coming back.”
“If it turns out you need company, let me know. I have to get in the shower. I overslept this morning and now I’m playing catch-up.”
“I’ll call you later. Congratulations again!”
After hanging up, I finished washing the rest of the dishes. Then I assessed my house. I found cleaning therapeutic, and I needed something to boost my spirits after the previous night. But between me and Ingrid, the house looked good enough that there weren’t any massive cleaning projects to tackle. So I went back upstairs to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed, staring at my bedside table. There was something I could do—something that, after last night, I could add to—but thinking about my traumatic history since becoming Abernathy’s’ custodian led me to reliving those terrible events, and then all I wanted to do was curl up and forget again.
I sighed and opened the drawer. My notebook, a spiralbound student’s notebook from the nearest dollar store, looked back at me. I withdrew it and clicked the pen clipped to its cover a few times, then opened it to where I’d left off and began writing. I’d gotten as far as my second Christmas as custodian, which meant the Conference of Neutralities. Where I’d been attacked and bitten by invaders…and seen someone killed horribly by them…and gone deep into the bowels of the hotel surrounded by those monsters to fight them… I sighed again and made a few more notes. It was a miracle I was even sane.
When Malcolm came home, he found me lying on the bed staring at the ceiling, clutching the notebook to my chest like a breastplate. “Sorry that took so long,” he said. He sat beside me and took my hand. “Have you been resting? You look like you need it.”
I handed him the notebook, which was folded open. “Read that.”
He raised his eyebrows, but flipped the notebook over and read aloud:
Held at gunpoint four times
Threatened with knife once
Beaten nearly to death
Shot at several times, injured once
“That was me,” he said. “Helena—”
“I forgave you. Just keep reading.”
He cleared his throat and went on:
Kidnapped twice
Attacked by invaders multiple times, bitten three times
Witnessed seven murders
Nearly died from becoming the oracle twice
Nearly died from being trapped in a burning building
Serious car accident
Saw two invaders disguised as women shot and killed
Killed Rafael Santiago
When he got to the end of the list and handed the notebook back to me, I said, “I didn’t include the oracle telling me we were going to die, because that’s still a secret. And I didn’t include all the little things, like…oh, knowing that Nyla committed suicide rather than face justice, and Kevin dying so the intelligent invader could get close to me. But that’s still a lot.”
“I have always said you’re the strongest woman I know,” Malcolm said. “I didn’t realize until now how true that was.” He took my hand and helped me sit up so he could hold me. “Love, you have every right to be changed by these experiences. And I’ve seen that change. Do you want to know how I think it’s affected you?”
“Made me a dripping wreck who can’t forget the sound of screaming?”
He held me closer. “It’s made you someone who can’t bear to sit by and watch evil destroy others. Almost every one of those things happened to you because you couldn’t not take action. And yes, that means you have some terrible memories. But there are people who are alive now who wouldn’t be if you’d kept yourself safe. You chose this path, and I believe it was the right one. And in time, you’ll come to terms with your history. Until that happens, and long afterward, I will be by your side, feeling unspeakable awe that someone like you chose to link her life to mine.”
I gaped at him. “That’s…amazing. How do you always know what to say?”
Malcolm smiled. “I learned it from you, love.” He kissed me, a light touch that gradually deepened until I was breathless. I put my arms around him and reveled in his kiss. He was right, I could endure this, because the alternative—hiding from the monsters—would turn me into someone I’d hate.
“Do you want—” Malcolm murmured.
“I’ll always want,” I said, and tossed the notebook across the room.
10
I woke Monday morning to a sense of nameless dread. It took me several seconds to remember I was going back to work today and that was the source of my dread. I dragged myself out of bed and into the shower, trying to think positive thoughts. The store was protected against invaders, even the intelligent ones. I had an important role to play in the Long War. And maybe the oracle would give up on reminding me of its, and my, upcoming end. I’d never realized how much I’d come to look forward to communicating with my strange friend until those communications had gone sour.