“Fae educational system?” Sophia had to question, surprised by this. “I didn’t know there was a problem with it or that you had one.”
“Well, I tried to create one, thinking I’d empower my people, but it didn’t turn out so well,” Rudolf related.
Lee leaned in and whispered over Sophia’s shoulder, “You know how they say that line about give a man a fish?”
She nodded.
“Well, if you teach a fae to fish they all drown, so just give them some wine and don’t expect much else from them. This is the race that we’re all keeping afloat.”
“And in exchange, we offer you all the debauchery that you can handle in Las Vegas,” Rudolf added with satisfaction.
“Well, I applaud your ambition to teach your people,” Sophia stated. “It’s the thought that counts.”
“Yeah, and it could have gone worse,” Lee imparted. “He could have employed common core to teach simple practices. That would have led to a lot of irate parents who took up drinking to deal with helping with homework.”
Sophia didn’t know what Lee was going on about, but Rudolf pretended to as he opened the door and waved over his shoulder. “You gals are my absolute favorites. Never change, Susan and Pam. Never, ever change.”
Chapter Ninety-Three
“Do you think it’s all right if I change my name?” Lee asked Sophia when King Rudolf left. “I’ve never felt much like a Susan…or a Pam. Honestly, I’ve always wanted to be a Crystal.”
“You’re a Lee,” Sophia argued. “Through and through.”
“So if you’re here about the wanted ad, the job for a dishwasher has already been filled,” Lee told her matter-of-factly while wiping down the counter with a dirty rag.
“I’m not,” Sophia stated dryly.
The baker let out a breath. “You should have applied. How much longer are you going to sleep on your parent’s couch and mooch off them?”
“My parents are dead, and I’m a dragonrider for the Elite,” Sophia argued, mostly amused.
“Don’t try that dead parents thing on me,” Lee countered. “I know all too well that your parents don’t have to be alive to sleep on their couch.”
“Can we move on?”
“You don’t want the job washing dishes?” Lee asked.
“I thought you filled it.”
“I lied,” Lee said coyly. “I was playing hard to get. You know, make you want it and think you couldn’t have it.”
“I’m good,” Sophia replied. “Think I’m going to stick with my day job of adjudicating and saving the world.”
“’Kay, well, when that whole thing falls through, you know where to find me,” Lee sang and continued to wipe down the counters.
“I’m here because I need your help with something.”
In a flash, Lee jumped up on a nearby stool, pushed back a tile in the ceiling, and retrieved a long sword from a hiding spot. She held it close to her chest and grinned. “Who hurt you? How many pieces do you want them in?”
Sophia’s eyes widened. “Whoa, do you think it’s safe to keep blades overhead like that?”
“Probably not,” Lee stated. “But neither is keeping them above my wife’s side of the bed, or in the bags of flour here, or between the towels in the linen closet. Do you think that stops me?”
“I’m going to answer with no, Bob.”
Lee shot a finger gun at Sophia. “Right-o, you are.”
“Anyway,” Sophia drew out the word. “I don’t need your help with taking anyone out. Quite the opposite.”
Lee shook her head. “How many times have I told you that I can’t bring people back from the dead?”
“Never,” Sophia answered.
“Oh, then that’s a very realistic, repetitive dream I’ve been having.” Lee shook her head as if dispelling a strange thought.
“Anyway, I’ve heard from a source that you might be able to help me with something,” Sophia began. “You see, it involves poison.”
Lee nodded. “I knew you would come around. Who are we poisoning? That boyfriend of yours? Your sister? Oh, maybe both? That’s how it always goes. The ones you love the most are the ones you need taken down at some point.”
Sophia’s eyes widened. “You are a very warped individual.”
“Thank you,” Lee said proudly.
“And no,” Sophia stated firmly. “I don’t want you to poison anyone. Quite the opposite. The water supply in Scotland has been tampered with, and it’s affecting the sheep. I need your help with fixing it.”
Lee gave her a reluctant look. “I’m not in favor of helping things to live. My job is to take down the world’s population, not keep it going.”
“Well, the dragons eat sheep, and they help us take down bad guys,” Sophia argued. “So if you can fix the water problem, then the dragons will be happy and can massacre large leagues of villains.”
Lee leaned forward on her arms, which rested on the countertop. “I’m listening.”
“Look, I’m sure we can find a way to compensate you for your time and all,” Sophia stated. “Just think what it is that you need and—”
“Accompany me to the Fantastical Armory,” Lee said in a rush.
It was such a weird and easy request that Sophia paused and tilted her head. “What? But you’ve been there with me.”
“I know, but I’m too afraid to go in there by myself,” Lee related. “You know, it being Father Time’s shop and all.”
“It’s Subner’s, but I guess I get it,” Sophia stated.
“Well, you see, I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to go into the shop and ask Father Time for his autograph.”
“That’s what you want?” Sophia asked.
“Oh, yeah!” Lee exclaimed. “I’ve got a huge book of autographs. Really famous people like Micky Cocker and Kelly O’Donnell.”
“I don’t know them—”
“Your loss,” Lee stated. “Anyway, it’s been a lifelong dream to add Father Time’s autograph to the scrapbook. And as a bonus, if Subner, the weapons guy is there—”
“I think he’s under the weather,” Sophia interrupted.
Lee rubbed her hands together with a satisfied expression on her face. “Even better.”
“Wait; what?”
“Nothing,” the baker assassin said at once.
“Well, I did need to check on Dr. Freud’s progress with Subner,” Sophia mused.
“Exactly,” Lee stated. “And while you do that, I’ll get Father Time’s autograph, or you have the old geezer accompany you while you check on Sub-whatever. Either way, I request you accompany me in the Fantastical Armory, or I’m not killing your sheep.”
“Saving them,” Sophia corrected.
Lee waved her hand dismissively at her. “Whatever, same thing.”
“It’s not,” Sophia argued. “Are you sure that you can help with the poisoned water?”