“Hello, Mistress Hellina,” Kerrigan said, dropping into a curtsy.
“Oh good, Kerrigan,” Helly said with a smile. “You are right on time.” She looked to the other members and nodded her head. “I will meet you in our box. I still find it strange that I will be on the other side of the tournament this year.”
“We’ll see you in there, Helly,” one woman said and then gestured for the rest of them to follow her out of the mountain.
“You played that well,” Kerrigan said evenly.
“I’m not sure they bought it,” Helly said with a shrug. “Come. We have something to discuss, do we not?”
Kerrigan nodded and walked with Helly through the labyrinth of hallways until they came to her rooms. She flicked her wrist to turn the lock and they entered.
“I don’t have long. The tournament starts within the hour, and I must be in attendance. As a previous administrator, it is my duty.”
“Of course,” Kerrigan said. “I just… you said we’d figure something out for me.”
Helly’s expression changed to one of sympathy. They took a seat on her settee. “I am truly sorry for what happened yesterday. That should have never been possible. I thought that you had someone secured.”
“I did,” Kerrigan cut in. “Ellerby of Elsiande was there, but he left right before my name was called. And I want permission to speak to him, to try to reconcile this.”
“Kerrigan,” she said softly. As if she were about to issue a blow. “You’re talented, dear girl. So very talented. Honestly, I don’t know if you even need a tribe.”
Kerrigan whipped backward as if she had been slapped. “What? What does that even mean, Helly? Everyone has to follow the tribe system. What you’re saying is that I don’t need to become a citizen.”
“That’s not what I’m saying,” Helly said evenly, her eyes harsh in the dim light. “I am saying that you could stay here and work for the Society.”
“As a servant?” she gasped.
“No,” Helly said firmly. “Please allow me to finish.”
Kerrigan pressed her lips together, but panic was seizing her lungs. Helly thought that she should stay and be a servant to the Society. That she should use her talents, her powers, her visions to help the Society. She didn’t have to become a citizen because they could keep her here forever. Where she could never have a life of her own! She never would have suspected it of Helly, who had always been her friend and mentor.
“You have possession of all four elements. You are an excellent dragon rider. The dragons love you. And you have… your visions,” she added simply. “Any tribe—every tribe—should be clamoring to get your attention, but they aren’t.”
“Because I’m half-Fae,” she whispered.
“No,” Helly said sharply with a shake of her head. “No, that’s not why. Don’t ever think that. Because you’ve done such a good job at hiding how accomplished you are, everyone underestimates you. It’s a very safe position to be in.”
“It’s not safe; it’s suicide,” she croaked. “If I’m not a member of a tribe, then I don’t become a citizen, Helly. I don’t get my own life. I don’t get to escape what my father did to me!”
And there it was. Her entire life and fears laid out before them like a raw, bleeding wound.
Helly reached forward and pressed her hands to her trembling fingertips. “What Kivrin did to you was wrong, Kerrigan,” she murmured. “I am certain he deeply regrets what happened. If you wish to return to Bryonica, then I can speak to him—”
“No! I don’t want anything to do with him.”
“I wish that I could claim you as my own,” Helly said with a soft sigh. “But you know the rules for the Dragon Blessed. A Society member cannot claim you. Too much bias. I think the only choice is for you to come work for me.”
Kerrigan despised that rule. It would make so much more sense for Helly to claim her, but it was forbidden. “Work for you? How?”
“You would be a steward of the Society. Not a full member, of course, but you could work alongside us. It wouldn’t be the first time that it has happened in our history. Sometimes, tournament champions who don’t succeed in becoming a rider will request special privileges to live within the mountain and study alongside our members. They give up their tribe affiliation and merely become Society.”
“I’ve never heard of this,” she said warily.
“We don’t broadcast it to the public,” she said. “But you know Master Fillion, who is head of the library systems?”
“Of course.”
“He’s not a full member. He was allowed to stay almost six hundred years ago now, and he’s never left.”
Kerrigan’s jaw dropped. “He’s just a… person. Not a rider?”
Helly nodded. “That’s right. Mistress Moran is much the same way. Though she would loathe for me to tell you that.”
“Mistress Moran?” she asked in disbelief. “But… how?”
“She trained under the last House of Dragons’ tutor. And she has been with us for so long, hardly anyone even remembers. It’s an option for you, Kerrigan.”
Her head was swimming. She had never heard of this. Twelve years in the mountain, and she’d thought she’d discovered most of its many secrets, but she was learning that she knew so very little about how the Society operated. But could that be for her? Could she work for the Society as a nonmember, a noncitizen, and still be fulfilled? Could she do it instead of investing everything to have the life she wanted? One filled with travel, adventure, love, and home?
The mountain had been her home for so long. But it wasn’t home. Not really. It was a stepping-stone to what she could get. And if she agreed to stay here forever, she would never know what else might be.
“I can’t,” Kerrigan said with a sigh. “It’s such a good opportunity, but I think there’s more out there for me. And I want to get it. I want to matter. I want to make a difference in the world. I can’t do that, staying here, safe under the mountain and the watchful eye of the Society. I can’t be a pawn in someone else’s game.”
“You know I never, ever think of you that way.”
“I know. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t how I feel.”
Helly straightened at the words. “What else would you do? There is no contingency plan in place for this. It’s this or the streets, and you’ve never lived on the streets.”
“I’d make do,” she said bitingly.
Dozan’s offer sat tantalizingly in front of her. She didn’t want to take it. She knew that it was going from being one pawn to another, but she wouldn’t stay here. That she knew.
“I know you would,” Helly said, losing all of her heat. “But if what you really want is to make a difference, then what would be the point?”
Kerrigan sighed and put her head in her hands. “Nothing. There’d be no point.”
“Stay here with me. You would make a difference with us, Kerrigan. I know you would.”
Kerrigan’s mind was racing. There had to be a third option. Something she was missing.