“You’re starting to think the way they want you to,” I hissed back.
“I’ll think anyway I have to, to keep you safe. Shannon, you don’t know what it’s like. Humans get turned on and want to have sex, but for us, it's a burning, throbbing need. Conscious thought, judgement, it all goes out the window. Your scent tells us you want it, and we…”
“Want to give me your dick.” I swallowed. “Let’s stop talking about this and start thinking of how the hell we’re going to get out of here.”
Chapter 24
We got nowhere, of course. The other shifters were obviously big, strong, smart, but it's human nature to need to attack the problem yourself before you’ll believe it. We sat on the bed, a gap between us that was uncomfortable to maintain. My hand played with the fucking poxy gown I’d been given, Stuart’s words, the ‘vaginal examination’ they’d hit me with like a one-two punch to the ribs, but if I had any doubts about shifter pheromones and instincts, they were gone now. I’d been digitally raped. That’s what an examination without consent was. My breath came in shudders as I fought to get my head around it, but I was stopped from spiralling down too far by him.
Jai watched me closely, his hand creeping towards mine, his gaze unwavering. He knew something was wrong, but he waited, just like his animal, waiting for the right time to ask.
I couldn’t tell him, I realised. I saw him thrashing on the floor, the sensor in his neck… Nope, I needed to hold that back, put it to one side, to be dealt with when we got out of here. We would, I just needed to stay clear headed, analytical, focussed. But as I breathed in, I tasted his scent on my tongue, the close air in the room facilitating that. I watched his pupils dilate as he inhaled mine, his little finger grazing the side of my hand. His gaze dropped down when my lips fell open.
“C’mere,” he said huskily, holding out an arm for me to duck under.
What had or hadn’t been done fell away, and there was only him, my mouth turning upwards, blindly seeking, only to find his lips on mine moments later. He was trying to keep it slow, sweet, but the press grew longer, softer, our lips parting and letting the other in deeper before I heard the whistle of his breath when he pulled himself away.
“Shan…” he said, his eyes studying mine, searching for some kind of sign. Whatever he saw in that glimpse reassured him as he returned all too quickly. Our hands started to reach for each other, tentatively at first. It wasn’t like we were lounging around in my room or anything anymore. But the glass walls and shitty scenario faded away as one kiss led to another.
“Damn… At least the view's a whole lot better now.”
Our heads jerked up at the feline purr, Jai instinctively putting me behind him.
“Shut up, Zane,” someone said, but the damage was done. My heart began to beat furiously, almost angry that I’d let my guard down so quickly. My eyes flicked around rapidly, but there was nothing new to see. Just impenetrable glass, the other cages, and Jai.
“There’s a button by the bed,” Nero said. “Up against the wall on the left-hand side normally. It’ll put up a privacy screen, can kill the lights as well. Everyone can hear what’s happening, of course, but it’ll give you a little…”
He didn’t finish the sentence because he didn’t need to. We got the message, loud and clear. Jai got off the bed and stomped over to the left-hand side, slamming his hand down on the white switch there. I gasped when the glass walls turned black. We had privacy, sure, but it made the space seem so much smaller. I crawled back on the bed, as if to get away from it, but the sounds we got from the PA system seemed so much louder. I could hear breaths exhaled, sighs, and shifting feet. I could hear regular grunts that I really hoped were someone doing exercises.
“C’mon, Shan,” Jai said, leaning over me and drawing back the covers. “Let's get some sleep. I dunno about you, but I’m trashed from the medication they shot us with.”
I wasn’t, but what else was I going to do? There was literally nothing else to do in this place but go to the loo and have a shower. I shivered, remembering what was done to me while I was out, and looked longingly at the bathroom, wanting to wash their invisible fingerprints off. But I could see Jai’s eyelids were heavy as he slid under the covers, pulling me close when I got in on my side.
Focus on this, I told myself as I settled against his chest. Jai’s scent, his warmth, his body, his breath. I reached out, placing a hand on his sternum, tracing tiny little patterns on his skin when his breathing evened out.
But of course, I couldn’t for long.
“The human brain is an inventive one,” my nan had said. “It can solve so many problems in a dizzying number of ways, and it gets used to being in charge. If it just thinks harder, problem-solves with greater innovation, just does more, surely an answer can be found.” She dropped the sage bundle she was working on. “Sometimes there isn’t. Sometimes, things are just as they are. Do your mindfulness practise, Shannon. It rests the brain, activates the observing mind, and helps in a myriad of ways. Stop thinking so hard.”
I shook my head now, tears pricking at my eyes. I couldn’t, wouldn’t accept that there was no way out of here, I just couldn’t. But mindfulness? That could help. I closed my eyes, taking away the relentless black walls and replacing it with a much softer darkness.
Focus on your breath, I told myself. One, two, three…
They said they—
In and out. Feel the breath filling your ribcage and then leaking out again, nice and slow. Four, five, six…
We took some samples, checked your —
Bring your attention back to the breath when your mind wanders. Seven, eight, nine…
You’re getting very close to—
Just observe your thoughts and feelings. Don’t engage with them. Let them come and go.
Your lover’s pheromones have been playing havoc with your reproductive system.
No…
Already there’s been a considerable change—
No!
—to vaginal blood flow and elasticity.
I sat up, Jai shifting slightly but dropping back to sleep. I wound my arms around my knees and buried my head in the gown, hoping it would muffle my sobs as they came.
The tears streamed out, soaking my hands and my dress. Crying quietly hurt, my ribs jerking with the effort. I needn’t have bothered, as the shifting sounds coming through the PA got louder and louder, until a voice said softly, “Don’t cry, Shannon. We’ll find a way through this.”
Chapter 25
We hadn’t by the time meal time had come around.
Hollingsworth was back, and whatever had darkened the glass was reversed so he could peer through at us. Jai woke with a start, eyes sharpening rapidly as he looked around him, narrowing when he saw the men. But we both went still when we saw the trolleys packed with food.
So we weren’t going to starve then.
“You’ve had some time to settle in,” Hollingsworth announced. “The attempt to keep your tears to yourself was quite sweet, Shannon, but misguided. Jai is your mate.”