Looking at Jai used to actually physically hurt me. I couldn’t stop myself from doing it, but each time, I’d experience that bittersweet pain deep in my chest so intensely, I’d feel tears in my eyes before I quickly blinked them away. To want him so much and not be able to have him, but that one time, was the knife that cut me over and over and over, until I just leant into the blade for yet another slice.
Coming, really coming now—because I learned today that what had gone before was just some washed out form of pleasure—was all the sweet with the bitter gone. I could see it now, how simply having sex was enough to bind me to him forever, because how could I step away from this? My breath stopped, my heart slowing, slowing, until it felt like aeons passed between each beat, yet up I soared. I closed my eyes, losing myself entirely in the sensations, which oddly let him in.
He rushed into me, pushing his way in, battering down my defences just like his body did, until I was flooded with him. Sobs formed and died in my throat, the only and entirely inadequate response I could make to the enormity of whatever this was.
“Reach for it, baby…” His voice was as gentle as a kitten’s purr, so what could I do but obey?
I came slamming down into my body, heard my ragged cries, heard the sounds of others coming in through the PA system as we were joined in a savage orchestra of pleasure and pain. Slick gushed from me, drenching Jai to his joyous shout, and my body raged. Waves washed from head to toe, radiating out from my sodden core, and just when I thought things were gonna taper off, they started again, just bathing me in pleasure, over and over and over, until Jai slammed his final stroke.
I felt the stretch, the ripple of his knot against my tender flesh as it struggled to get inside, my hand snaking down to massage it to his yelps of joy.
“Oh fuck…oh fuck…” His words came in high pitched breaths as his cum jetted into me for what felt an age, the aftershocks I felt after each spurt feeling like mini orgasms of their own, before he finally collapsed down on the bed, dragging me into his arms.
“Fuck, Shan…” was all he could say as he stroked my hair back from my forehead, before we both fell asleep.
Chapter 28
So epic sex is cool and everything, but have you ever experienced the wet spot afterwards?
“Oh god…” I groaned, trying to move, but I was pinned to the bed by Jai’s dead weight, the sheets sticking clammily to my skin. “Jai? Jai?”
He snorted when I gave him a shove, but his eyes were lazy, as was his smile.
“Hey, baby… Ready for round two?”
“No, no… Jai, don’t—” His head dropped down, sucking the tip of my breast until my thighs started to rub together, reminding me of the trouble I was currently in.
I was cold, sticky, and feeling like the floor of a porn cinema. Jai could love the copious flow of fluids all he freaking liked, I felt gross, and I told him so.
“Easily fixed,” he said, scooping me up and whisking me into the bathroom. He set the water temperature, leaving me under the spray as he evidently stripped the bed, returning with a cluster of soiled bed sheets he shoved into a chute and pulling out a new set.
I watched him move to the doorway of the bathroom, ready to make the bed with hungry eyes. If I thought my previous mooning over Jai was going to prepare me for being his mate, I was wrong. The fire lit within me hadn’t gone out, it was just simmering, and as I watched his naked form move, it very much wanted it moving towards me.
But I didn’t say anything. That was me with Jai. Part of me still felt it wasn't safe to reach for him, ask him to drop the bedding and wash me clean before getting me dirty again. I just stared and felt the ache grow, until he stopped mid-step. He turned to me, frowning for a moment before placing the sheets on the bathroom bench. Like a dream, he seemed to just know, stepping under the water and pulling me close.
“You needed me.”
“I dunno if need is—”
“You wanted me, wanted me to come into the shower with you. You didn’t want me to go outside the bathroom.”
I shook my head, which was about all I could muster. A wet hand went to my cheek, tipping my chin up, a thumb stroking across my cheekbone. It was easy to see why. I couldn’t look away from him at this angle, instead forced to stare into those familiar yet alien eyes.
“Shan…”
“This is all new,” I said, pulling away. “I’m not used to…”
“Not used to what?”
“Reaching for you. Taking your hand like I have a right to. Asking for you to shower with me. Moving in to…”
“Pretty much any requests other than Dutch oven-ing me would get a yes, Shan.”
“Like you boys used to do at Jazmine’s sleepovers?”
He grinned. “Had to start you getting used to my scent, didn’t I?”
“It made me actually gag.” I punched him in the arm. “I’ve never been able to eat eggs since. And for that, you can wash your own stink.”
I handed him the soap, and he took it, lathering his hands up.
“Off you? Don’t mind if I do.”
There was an animal pleasure to be gotten from having the man you loved wash your back. The water was hot and plentiful, and his hands slid over my skin effortless with the aid of the soap. My head fell forward, my hair a waterfall as he worked, thumbs digging into muscles, palms stroking. It both helped me relax and did anything but. I turned around, my hair dripping in my eyes, and he smiled, warm and soft. He knew, and when I glanced down, I saw he felt it too.
“Is this what it's gonna be like?” I asked, smoothing my hand down his length.
“It’s what it's always been like for me, babe. Part of me knew just how sweet and wet and fucking hot you’d feel, and just wanted to get inside you every moment of the day.” He stroked my hair with one hand. “But not always. Pack’s big and needs a lot. Kids…” His eyes slid down to my stomach, his knuckles brushing against the curve of my stomach. He bent down and kissed me like he needed it, the feel of my lips against his, but he drew back again. “We’re not human. We don’t have relationships like them. Ten years from now, I won’t be sitting slouched in front of the TV, demanding a beer and bitching because your body doesn’t look like it did when you were eighteen. I’ll be with you, growing with you, loving you. Seeing you use that amazing gift of yours. Maybe working with you to raise our kids…”
I had to look away, the mental picture he created so vivid, so intense, I couldn’t bear another’s gaze. It was…so far beyond what I’d fantasised about in maths class. Back then, I’d dreamed he’d shoved all the girls clamouring for his attention out of the way and crossed the floor of the canteen to be with me, but this went so much deeper. My eyes jerked up again, my brows pulling down in a frown as I searched his face.
“If you’re playing with me…” I growled.
Somehow, that made him smile more. He brushed the side of my mouth with his thumb when I wouldn’t stop frowning, jerking it away when I went to bite.
“Here,” he said, taking my hand. He pushed my fingers around the thick swelling at the base of his cock. “A wolf shifter’s got this for you? It means there’s a serious compatibility thing happening. His beast sees you and is interested, real interested. It’s basically an offer on the table. Take this.” My hand flexed around it, and his eyes fell closed for a second before he forced them open. “Take it and he’s yours. Beast, man, he’s locked down from all other sexual partners. We don’t stray, we don’t look for side chicks, just you, our mates. Because when we take mates…” He grabbed my other hand and placed it on his chest so I could feel the steady beat there. “We’re yours, body and soul. It's supposed to be the single greatest feeling a shifter can experience. Hopefully, if things work out, it’ll be like that for you too.”