He placed a thumb to her turned cheek, pulling her back to him. “Honey, we aren’t talking about me right now. We’re talking about you. If we’re going to move forward, it’s important we ease our clutch on our own plans in order to see what wonderful things God has for our future.”
Grief welled in her throat, thick and hot. “I just can’t. I can’t foster a child. I’d look at them every day knowing they were plan B in my life.” She sucked back the sobs spilling out between her words. “It wouldn’t be fair . . .” The last of it rolled out, lost in a mournful sound.
“Oh, Miri.” Thomas pulled her back against his chest and rubbed slow circles on her back. “I’m here for you. I’ll walk with you as long as it takes. I know you can’t see it yet, but I have faith God is somehow going to heal what feels impossible. I don’t know how or when, but please, I just need you to be honest with me.”
She nodded against his chest.
“And, since you brought it up, yes, the church work is not going as well as I’d hoped, but let me be clear. I don’t care if this congregation ever accepts me or if you ever decide you want to foster or adopt a child as much as I would like to. I don’t care about the church we left behind in California. All that matters to me is that you and I are together, and that we give this mess to Jesus. Even if it isn’t pretty right now. Are you hearing me?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Can we please go for a drive? Even a short one. I promise you don’t have to say a word. Just come with me.”
CHAPTER
SIXTEEN
PRESENT DAY
Reese parked in front of Grandma’s house as the setting sun painted the sky pink.
Ivy hurried out of the vehicle to avoid a repeat performance of the seat belt debacle. She retrieved her duffel bag from the back seat of her raggedy sedan.
“You’re going to be all right? Staying here alone?”
She scuffed the bottom of her sandal against the gravel and fixed a smile on her face. “Of course. It’s not like I believe in ghosts. Although being haunted by Grandma could actually be pretty entertaining.”
He chuckled and followed her to the porch. His laugh held a warmth she’d like to wrap herself in. Ivy paused in front of the door, shifting her weight between her feet. She didn’t want to be alone. Not in this house. Not anywhere. She wanted somebody to put their arms around her and tell her everything was going to be okay. No. The fact was, everything didn’t have to be okay. She just wanted to know if she could be okay again.
“Uh, Reese?”
His head jerked up from where he’d been studying the cracks in the sidewalk.
“Do you . . . do you want to come in?”
He took a step forward, then stopped. “It’s probably better if I didn’t.” He spoke in a low tone she almost didn’t catch.
Her face heated. She’d already taken up so much of his time. The guy had a life beyond checking up on her uncle and escorting her around town digging up information from her past. “Sorry. I took up your whole day, didn’t I?”
“It’s not a problem. If you need anything, I’m just a phone call away.”
The first firefly of the night winked underneath the old oak tree in the churchyard.
“Hey, Reese?”
“Yeah?” He rubbed his index finger over his thumbnail. An old nervous habit.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been myself. That I . . . that I let us grow apart this past year. I just . . .”
He backed toward the edge of the porch. His mouth curved upward, but the look in his eyes made her heart heavy. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you tomorrow morning? Is nine okay?”
“Yeah, sure. Nine.”
The truck cranked to life and rambled down the gravel drive in a cloud of dust.
Ivy reached in her purse for the house key. Her hand landed on gum wrappers, a few loose dollars, her car key.
Everything but the key to the front door.
Only me.
When Ivy closed her eyes, she saw the key, clear as day, next to the porcelain lady with a basket full of flowers in the crook of her arm.
She checked all Grandma’s old hiding spaces—under the ceramic frog who perched in the flower beds and inside the hollow log next to the shed.
Defeated, Ivy sank onto the porch swing and ran her finger around the cool metallic rim of her phone, resisting the itch to call Reese. There was nothing he could do. Besides, after Seth, she was done being someone’s charity case. She shouldn’t let someone have that kind of hold over her again.
There was one last place she hadn’t checked. The church office maintained a drawer with spare keys to all the outbuildings, including Grandma’s house. At least it used to. The door to the church basement used to have a trick to it. She could get in if they hadn’t replaced the lock.
Ivy hiked across the wide churchyard, darkness quickly falling. She never would’ve imagined that at twenty-four, she’d be back in Triune traipsing about in the near darkness to break into her old church.
Crickets and bullfrogs cried out their alarm. The wind whipped the leaves and the retreating sun cast dancing shadows across the grass. Ivy shivered. An eerie sensation spider-waltzed up her spine. She jogged over to the basement door and jiggled the knob.
Headlight beams bounced down the drive. Ivy froze.
Reese’s orange truck rolled into view.
Unable to hide her harebrained plan, she walked to the driveway.
He pulled to a stop with the window down. “Ivy, I spotted your key on the floor of the passenger side. Must have fallen out of your purse.” His brows arched to impossible heights. “What are you doing all the way over here?”
Her face flamed. “I was going to see if I could still pick the lock on the church basement. Or . . . or get in through the defunct crawl space hatch to see if there was still a spare key inside.”
“This was your solution, instead of just calling me?” An edge in his tone betrayed a hurt deeper than the present circumstance.
Ivy shrugged. “I thought the key was inside. There was no use bothering you over it.”
He shook his head. “Except I might have helped. Like being able to tell you I had the key. I tried to call—”
“My purse is on the porch.”
He squinted, peering through the windshield. “Is that where it’s been all the times I tried to call over the past year?”
Her lips parted.
Reese massaged his forehead. “Sorry. None of my business.” He held his hand out the window, the key resting in his palm.
Ivy reached for the offered key. When she grasped it, his larger hand closed over hers. Ivy’s pulse took off like she’d been shot out of a rocket. She yanked her hand free, startled. Her stomach rebelled.
He tilted his head. “What’s up with you?”
“I guess I’m a little jumpy, being out here alone in the dark.”
“It’s more than that. It’s the way you . . .” He released a heavy sigh. “At least let me give you a ride down the drive.”
She didn’t want to say yes, but her knees were gelatin. Ivy longed to borrow his strength. To have someone sort through the mess inside her head.
Reese would. He’d hold her. Even find Seth and throttle him if she asked him to. But that was the problem with Reese. He was too good and too nice. And he couldn’t fix her, no matter how much he might want to.