“Here, let me take her. It’s about time for her nap. I’ll lay her down and we can chat.” Again Pearl swooped close, then was gone. Miriam’s arms still felt the weight of the baby that was no longer there.
Pearl popped back into the room. She was a wonder, the spring in her step at her age a miracle. Pearl passed Miriam a saucer and teacup. “I noticed you’ve been able to be at the church more. Your health has improved?”
Miriam’s grip faltered, the tea sloshing onto the saucer. Her mouth worked, but no words would come. What had Thom told her? All of it? The breakdowns? The depression? The infertility? Bile rose in her throat as she set her tea on the side table, waiting for some trite statement about God’s will.
“I know it must be costly traveling back and forth to your doctors in California. I don’t want to pry, but if you tell me the type of specialist you need, I could make a recommendation. Nashville’s not too far, and they have top doctors there.”
Her blood heated. “What made you think I’ve been traveling to and from California for health reasons?”
The elderly woman pressed her mouth in a thin line and glanced in the direction of the church and back. Her mouth opened and closed.
“I’m not sick.” Not physically anyway. “I haven’t been traveling for doctors.”
“Oh, I’m sorry if I spoke out of turn. I—I don’t know why he would have said as much if that wasn’t—”
Miriam knew why. For all his words of support and patience, Thom was ashamed of her depression and her inability to overcome it. And he’d hidden behind something more readily acceptable to the church population. Her blood temperature rose to boiling. “If you’ll excuse me . . .”
“Of course, dear. Tea another time, perhaps.”
If she’d responded to Pearl, Miriam couldn’t hear her own words over the pounding in her ears. After all the apathy she’d drowned in, it was freeing—embracing the adrenaline-fueled anger coursing through her veins.
She made her way across the parking lot and into the church building. When Miriam reached Thom’s office, she slapped her palm on the door. It swung wide, and Harvey and Thomas jumped to their feet.
“Miriam?” Thomas’s forehead creased as he took a step toward her.
She turned to Harvey, attempting to hide her rage beneath a forced smile. “Excuse us, please. My husband and I have something we need to discuss.”
Harvey stood, edging around the couple like they were a pair of vipers, and closed the door softly behind him.
Miriam faced her husband, clenching her fists to hide the trembling. “How dare you?”
He placed his hand on her arm. “Miriam, what happened?”
She stepped back, shrugging out of his touch. “Don’t. Don’t pretend like you care about anything besides yourself, your job, and your reputation.”
“I’m a little lost here, sweetheart. Slow down.”
She shook her head, the hot burst of anger short-lived like the burst of a firework. “I can’t do this. I’m going home. The women will be arriving at the Pantry for their shopping day any minute. You can handle it. Lie about why I’m not there if you need to, since you’re so good at it.”
“Miriam.” His face had gone slack like he’d been slapped. He gripped her upper arm.
“Let go of me.” She wrenched her arm away. “I guess I understand being embarrassed of my depression. The church doesn’t know how to handle things like that. But I feel lied to, Thomas. All the ‘support’ was just to help me ‘get over it’ so I could fill this role you’ve put me in.”
The color draining from his face shouldn’t have been so satisfying. She spun on her heel, leaving him leaning against his desk to keep himself on his feet.
Her anger fizzled on the drive home. As she crossed the threshold of her front door, it dissolved completely. Miriam buried her face in the couch and let the pain behind the rage wash over her like a wave, pulling her back into darker places. Thomas—the rock she thought anchored her to the shore—was ashamed of her.
After Miriam sped off in her silver car, Pearl hurried over to Harvey, who was raking leaves under the oak tree. The parking lot beside the Pantry was filled with patrons.
“Harvey, can you go sit with Ivy? Pastor Thomas needs my help.”
He froze, concern creasing his brow.
“It’s all right. The pastor needs me over there more than he needs these leaves raked right this minute.”
Harvey nodded and shifted his gaze to the place Miriam’s car had been. “Did I . . . Did I do something wrong?”
She patted his shoulder. “Honestly, Harvey. Contrary to your belief, you’re not responsible for every earthquake and disaster. I’m not exactly sure what happened. But it didn’t have a thing in the world to do with you or Ivy. It seems I unwittingly poured gasoline on an already burning flame.”
“Will they be okay?” His face reminded her of the boy in her Sunday school class who prayed every week for his divorced parents to reunite.
“Sometimes conflict needs to happen. Like a forest fire that is by all appearances destructive but gets rid of all the undergrowth. From everything I’ve seen, Pastor Thomas and Miriam love each other very much. Well-meaning people who love each other make mistakes and hurt each other. Whatever this is, I have faith that after they clear out the brush in their relationship, the love will remain.”
He nodded slowly. “Okay.” A small smile tugged at his lips. “I’ll make a sacrifice and go sit with Ivy.”
“Don’t you pick that baby up out of the bed to hold her while she sleeps.” She wagged her finger. “You’ll ruin her.”
He laughed, eyes wide and innocent. “What makes you think I’d do that?”
She smirked as she walked to the church. Ivy had them both wrapped around her pinky finger.
Inside the Pantry, Thomas sat at the cashier counter, staring down at a blank sheet of paper as though it held an answer. She stepped through the doorway, then glanced back toward the young women chatting with each other in the parking lot.
“Pastor?”
He lifted his gaze, expression vacant. “Uh. Hello, Pearl.” He ran a hand over his face, and then stood and straightened.
“Why don’t you head up to your office and take a few minutes. I can handle this.”
Thomas swallowed and ducked his chin. “I owe you an explanation.” He shook his head. “No. An apology. I—”
She held up her hand. “Now isn’t the time. I can handle the Pantry. Take a few minutes in your office to gather yourself, and then go home to your wife. Whatever things you haven’t been saying to each other, it’s time for you to clean out the wounds before things get worse.”
He nodded and trudged up the stairs, the burden over him evident in his halting steps.
She eased into the metal chair. He had so little faith in her support, he thought it necessary to cloak where his wife had been and why. Judging by the way Miriam had cradled baby Ivy, paired with the lack of children of her own, Pearl had a pretty good guess.
Pearl released a sigh. She empathized far more than they could ever imagine.
The door swung open, and in walked a trio of young women from the parking lot, their arms full of squirming babies. Pearl smiled and let the troubles fade. It was a special thing, seeing these young women carry such joy on their faces. Miriam had done a good job with them, nurturing the confidence that they really could build strong, stable lives for their children. She hated that Miriam wasn’t there to enjoy the fruits of her labor.