Crystal walks out of the dressing room in her work outfit, her hands on her hips. “I’ll go. But I’m going like this. Take it or leave it.”
I shut my eyes against reality for a second. Crystal doesn’t understand. All I need to do is get through this date. If it goes well and Jules hypes GoldRush and I snag just a few more customers, I’ll be back in the money. I will be able to pay everything off.48 My life is riding on this. If she shows up in this outfit, I’m financially doomed—and potentially going to prison.
It’s time to come clean. “I paid Jules one hundred grand to go on this date and post about it,” I say.
Crystal’s eyes go crazy big. With her eyeliner and all the fake lashes she looks like a cartoon. “What?”
“You heard me.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Honestly, you’re not wrong to ask that. I can’t go into it now but I spent every last dime on this and I’ll never get out of this hole without your help.”
She laughs. “So how are you paying me?”
Fuck. I shouldn’t have told her. “I don’t have any money left, but as soon as I do, I’ll make it up to you.”
I run my hands through my hair. She’s going to use this to get more out of me. To wring me dry.49
“Well, my price just went up. If you want me to put on the dress it’ll be ten grand. For five grand, you’re getting a single mama in sweatpants and a Walmart apron.”
I shake my head. “I’ll take you in the uniform. I’ll wait by the front door while you get your things.”
I hope Jules has a sense of humor. I shoot a quick text to Max. Where are you?
Went to get the car.
Thank God for Max.
When Crystal emerges from the locker room, her purse is the size of a diaper bag. In fact, it is a diaper bag—an old one, all dirty on the bottom from being set down on the floor. And she looks tired and angry. This is going to go really well.
“So, about my Kai,” she says. “We need to pick him up. Then can you drop him by my mom’s?”
I sigh. I’m completely out of leverage. “Yeah. Let’s just get to the car.”
* * *
We end up picking Crystal’s kid up from a friend’s house, a third-floor walkup not far from Walmart. I watch her haul the kid down a flight of stairs in a giant car seat that bangs against her leg with every stair she descends. A diaper bag slung over her shoulder provides a counterbalance to the car seat that looks too big to carry. Plus the apron. Nothing about this scene is Instagrammable.
She plugs him into the back seat of the Ferrari, which looks as wrong as it sounds, and says, “Let’s roll.”
The date was supposed to start thirty minutes ago and we still have to get to her mom’s to drop off the baby. Kai is cute, but he’s a baby, and by baby, I mean small human-shaped obstacle to goal achievement and financial stability. No offense, kid.50
Halfway down Long Beach Boulevard, Kai starts crying. Crystal looks at Max and says, “Do something. Shake a toy, talk to him. Don’t just sit there.”
Max looks about as good with kids as I am.
“Hello, Kai. My name is Max.”
Kai keeps crying. Max shrugs and pulls out his phone.
“Max, what are you doing?” I say. “Stop looking at your phone and hand it to the baby!”
Crystal gives me an approving nod. “Listen to your girl.”
I look at my phone. Jules has posted a picture of himself looking sad and waiting for his princess.
On her way! Car trouble, I text.
Pin me location. Coming.
As soon as we get to Crystal’s mom’s, I drop a pin. I’m too tired for pretense and Jules is on the payroll anyway. Come get her!
After passing off baby Kai and the diaper bag for the night, the three of us sit on the curb like teenagers with nothing to do and nowhere to be. Crystal kicks her feet out and tips her head back.
Jules rolls up in a stretch limousine like it’s prom night.
I’m in an ’80s movie and Crystal is playing the part of Molly Ringwald. Max and I are her misfit friends. He’s the nerd and I’m…the one going through an identity crisis, whichever friend that is.
Jules hops out of the back looking just as good as the guy at the end of every John Hughes movie. Perfectly imperfect. He’s not wearing a tux but he’s in something better and cooler—something Instagrammable.
Crystal, despite herself, glows. How could she not? She just got off her double shift at Walmart. Her mom is watching her kid and Jules is a real-life rom-com hero.
Her exhaustion evaporates, or, rather, her hopelessness. This is just what she needs: someone to take her out and treat her like a queen for a night. I sigh with relief because at this moment I know that Jules is up to the task.
She smooths her hair back and slides on some lip gloss in a hurry. Bet she’s regretting wearing her Walmart outfit. I try not to gloat. Jules walks over and gives her a hand to help her off the curb.
At this moment, I know why I went into matchmaking. They’re so beautiful together. He doesn’t even flinch at her Walmart apron or the fact that she doesn’t meet all of his specifications. Thank God he’s not an idiot. Crystal smiles at me and whispers, “Okay, you did good this time.”
She turns to him. “I’m sorry, I just got off work,” she explains.
Jules says, “That’s cool. Me too.”
“You have a reservation for two at Mr. Chow’s. Give them JP’s name, Jules!”
Jules waves at me without taking his eyes off of Crystal.
They drive off, leaving Max and me on the curb in descending twilight. Finally, something went right. I might not have woken up to a pristine fairy tale, but I think I just gave one to Crystal. I hope.
47 If anyone needs a makeover, it’s me.
48 Looks like I’m a gambler.
49 Bummer for me but hats off to Crystal. R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
50 Not a natural mother.
CHAPTER
TWENTY
With Crystal accounted for and on a date with Jules, Max and I just sit on the curb and embrace the emptiness because what else is there? I can’t remember. It’s that moment after you’ve finished bingeing a show and you can’t remember who you are or why anything matters. I feel like I’ve been looking for Crystal my entire life.
“I think it’s time for me to go home,” Max says.