My virginity.
Even if he didn’t know who I was, he knows now and I am royally screwed.
Oh, I understand the rules of the game. Of court. My mother and Thiago are enemies. And he knows she wouldn’t approve of what happened. He holds all the power right now. A single smirk, a handful of words, and he has my mother over a barrel. Worse, he has a knife at my throat.
There is torture, and then there is an hour spent furiously staring at my toes as the alliance began to barter and bargain.
Evernight was curiously quiet, and I just know he spent the entire time watching me. I was barely even aware of Etan, clearing his throat at Maren’s side every now and then as if to try and capture my attention.
I just wanted it to be over.
And then the gods finally granted my wishes.
“What in the Underworld was that?” My mother hisses as we safely pass through the tent line that marks Asturian territory. “Were you trying to humiliate me?”
I’ve had an hour to come up with a reasonable excuse and I have nothing. “I wasn’t watching where I was going and I tripped. I’m sorry.”
“I intended to present you to my fellow queens officially, and you bumble in looking like some pathetic milkmaid off her family’s farm.” She steps into my space, pushing her face close to me. “I don’t want to see you again tonight. Andraste,” she snaps to my sister. “See Iskvien to her tents. She can spend the night inside it, reflecting on her foolishness. No dancing. No singing. No wine. No dinner.”
As far as punishments go, it’s infinitely better than I was expecting.
My sister stays by my side as my mother stalks toward her tents, Edain following like a well-trained shadow.
“Come,” Andraste says.
This is the hardest part, because my sister knows me best. I might have fooled the others, but I can sense Andraste’s curiosity.
She waits until we’re safely inside my tent to look at me, however. “You never trip over your own feet. I’ve seen you with a sword in hand. Your footwork is excellent.”
“My footwork is excellent,” I admit. “It’s my heart that’s the issue.” I square my shoulders. “The last two days have been one shock after the other, and the second Etan smiled at me….” I shrug.
Her eyes narrow. “Etan wasn’t there when we arrived.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
I sink onto my bed. “Maybe I conjured him then.”
“Maybe you’re lying through your teeth,” she says, crossing her arms. “What’s going on?”
I shoot her a sour look. It’s not that I don’t entirely trust this sudden peace she seems to be offering—because I don’t—but I so desperately want to believe it’s real.
“Do you remember what you suggested I do last night?”
Her eyes widen.
“He was there today. I wasn’t expecting to see him again.”
“You slept with someone?”
“You don’t have to sound so surprised,” I retort. “You were the one who suggested it.”
“Yes, but….” She paces within my tent. “You’re always so… so…”
“So what?”
“Prim,” she admits, as if she’s chosen the word carefully. “You’ve barely even kissed before.”
“The last time I kissed someone,” I snap, “I found out he’d been keeping a mistress for our entire relationship. And there’s hardly anyone I’d consider at mother’s court. They’re all either in her pocket, or trying to kiss her shoes.” I hug my knees to my chest. “I don’t want to be a prize or a sign of her favor. I just want….”
“What?”
Love. It’s a foolish little dream. I choke it down where she can’t see it. “I just want someone I can trust. Someone who… cares for me. A little. Someone who looks at me and sees me. Iskvien. Not my mother’s pawn. Not a means for advancement, or a means for revenge.”
Revenge. There. I’ve said it, and now my entire soul locks on that word I’ve been trying not to even think about.
Why did the Prince of Evernight seduce me?
Because he did. He took one look at me and he had to have me, and I fell into his arms like a pathetic little virgin.
It can’t have been coincidence, and I think I hate that more than anything.
Did he fuck me, so he could gloat about it to my mother? Or his court?
“Who was he?” Andraste murmurs, sinking onto the bed beside me.
“I don’t even know,” I say hastily. “Just a… retainer in some other court.”
Andraste gives me a long, slow look.
“Someone I shouldn’t have slept with,” I snap. “Congratulate me on being a fool. I earned it.”
She sighs and leans back on her hands. “Do you know why I wanted you to find someone?”
Stillness creeps through my heart. We haven’t confided in each other like this for years. “Why?”
Andraste stares blankly at the tent wall in front of her. “Because I wanted one of us to be happy. I want that for you, Vi.” Her lashes obscure her eyes. “Because none of the rest of us are ever going to get it.”
I swallow. Hard. “I’m trapped by a marriage contract I can’t get out of. I’m fairly certain that’s not my happily-ever-after.”
“You promised Mother you would sign Maren’s contract,” she replies astutely. “Don’t think I didn’t notice the exact words you used.” She pushes to her feet, looking far older than me in this moment. “I don’t know how you can get out of this arrangement, but I do know you have a chance. You have time, Vi. You want to make your own choices? Then start playing the game. You don’t have the luxury of being a little girl anymore. Fight her. Fight back. But don’t do it overtly.”
That’s easy for her to say….
She’s the favored one. She can do no wrong. She’s so fucking perfect it makes my heart squeeze up tight and small.
“I’ll think about it,” I mutter.
Andraste pauses with her hand on the tent flap. “I shouldn’t ask, but was it good? Was he kind to you?”
I sink my chin into my knees, heat flaring through my cheeks.
She laughs. “Good. I’m glad he was chivalrous enough to show you what pleasure means. Now stop being a little pet. Unsheathe your claws and play that bitch right back.”
Then she’s gone and I notice she didn’t push me on the details.
Because she doesn’t want to know.
If she doesn’t know, then she can’t betray me.
I don’t know why that little thought gives me heart. Maybe my relationship with my sister isn’t entirely ruined.
“Maybe you should count your blessings,” I grumble to myself, “because at least you don’t have to dance with Etan tonight.”
I sink back onto my narrow bed, hauling the blankets up over my face.
What am I going to do? How did this happen?
“Why did you let me do this?” I beg Maia.
There’s no answer from the goddess.
There never is.
I groan and roll onto my side, and as I do, paper crinkles near my ear. Odd. I throw the blankets back, but there’s nothing there. Running a hand beneath my pillow, I find a folded scrap of parchment, barely two inches wide.