The realization washes over me, bringing something almost like relief. I don’t want to leave. Bram and I’ve been absolute disasters for each other, but I’m drawn to him like I’ve never been drawn to another person before. He might not know my full history, or be able to map every scar, but he sees my fault lines clearly enough. Anyone else would look away, would turn away.
Not Bram.
He was right before. In some ways, looking at him is like looking into a fractured mirror. I don’t know what it says about me that I want to touch him so much, I’m willing to cut myself on the mirrored pieces.
“I think the more important question is: Why are you following me?”
19
BRAM
I told myself I was protecting Grace by following her. The truth is that I can’t stand the thought of having more distance between us than necessary. It seems like I haven’t done anything except fuck up since meeting her, but she hasn’t taken her readily available exit route. Azazel would remove her from my presence without a second thought if she asked. She hasn’t asked. I want to believe that means something. I’m terrified that it doesn’t.
I owe her honesty. Truth be told, I owe her a whole lot more than that. “You were right before. I wanted to provoke a response out of you, and I didn’t care if you were hurt by it. I didn’t care if I was hurt by it, either.”
“I know.”
The tailor I finally convinced to come to the castle has done good work with Grace’s clothing. She wears fitted pants, sturdy boots, and a thick tunic that seems to be keeping away the cold of this cave.
Even so, I can’t help being worried about her. I shouldn’t have been surprised that she ended up in the part of the castle that houses so many ghosts. Not literal ones, at least not that I’m aware of. But the history of my people and their sorrow is written in stone here. This place was only built because of the war. It never would’ve existed if not for the death and destruction that came to the keep. Gargoyles will not willingly be cut off from the sky unless there’s no other option.
“This location is kept in case of emergency. It’s large enough to house the full population of this castle at capacity, and then some. The river is the only weakness, but fresh water is worth the risk. If you move north from here, there’s a bridge that will take you across the river to the gardens. They’re tended at all times, even now. Most of our food in the castle comes from there because it’s important to keep them functioning, and wasting food is unacceptable. Anything extra goes to neighboring villages.” There’s plenty of extra these days. Feeding a handful of people in residence barely makes a dent in the garden’s bounty. “Deeper into the mountains, there are a number of local creatures who can be hunted to supplement stores and ensure no one goes without.”
Instead of looking horrified, Grace just appears thoughtful. “It’s honestly a brilliant bunker. How do you keep the garden growing so deep beneath the surface?”
“Magic. Certain stones can be spelled to mimic sunlight in every way.” I motion at the ceiling overhead hidden in shadow. “There are several veins of that same stone running through these mountains. Plenty enough to keep my people stocked for generation—longer if they’re careful.”
“You’ve gated the openings of the underground river?”
“Yes. It’s not a foolproof system. Should the kraken people want to gain entry, I’m sure they’d be able to, but we should hear them coming. Beyond that, there are guards posted to monitor the banks.” Or at least there normally were. I’ve lost them as well in the past few years.
Thane is a good leader to the kraken people, though. He doesn’t seek out confrontation if there is any other option available. More than that, I’ve managed to negotiate several lucrative trading deals with him that he is as invested in protecting as I am. There’s plenty of danger in this realm, and I’m not naive enough to believe that trade deals will prevent war, but if there’s immediate danger, I don’t believe it comes from the krakens.
Grace tucks her hair behind her ears and gives me a long look. “You’ve been following me.”
Shame heats my skin, and I’m grateful I don’t flush the way humans do when they’re embarrassed. “I don’t like how we left things, but I didn’t know how to approach you to fix them. I wasn’t sure you wanted to see me.”
“I didn’t at first.” She turns back toward the entrance and pauses until I realize she means for me to walk next to her. We tread in silence for several blocks. Finally, she says, “I would like to understand. We both have our secrets and plenty of trauma to go around, but if we continue like this, I don’t think we’ll last the year, let alone seven.”
Something like hope takes root in my chest. It’s such a foreign sensation that several beats go by before I understand what I’m feeling. “I thought you were bent on escape.”
“I was.” Sorrow colors her in pale blue. “You were right, even if you were cruel. Things back home haven’t been the same since the last of my family died. I don’t know if I believe in what we were doing anymore. I want to think I helped people. I’m certain I helped people. But at what cost? When someone like me makes a mistake, people die. And they’re not always the ones who deserve it.”
I want nothing more than to take her in my arms. I’m not sure if she’ll accept it, though. I suppose the only way to find out is to ask. “Grace.” I wait for her to pause and turn to me. It takes more courage than I would’ve imagined to lift my arms in invitation.
She doesn’t hesitate. She steps into my embrace and allows me to wrap her up tightly. It’s the most natural thing in the world to enclose us in my wings. There, in the intimate darkness of my own making, I finally find the courage to tell her the truth. “The reason everyone in my territory believes I’m cursed is because I’m the only surviving member of the massacre that killed my entire family. And I’m only alive because I hid when they were attacked.”
Grace tenses. “I know I said I want to know, but if it’s going to hurt you, you don’t have to tell me.”
“I hurt all the time, Grace. What’s a little more if it helps fix things between us?” I run my hand down her back, allowing her presence to comfort me. “It was my father’s fault. He started spending time in the bargainer demon territory after the war, avoiding his duties as leader, and he got hooked on humans. I think Azazel was looking for any leverage he could find to ensure the peace talks succeeded. So he made a bargain with my father, very similar to the one I made.” Almost identical, in fact. Not that it matters now. I take a slow breath, inhaling Grace’s scent. “Less than a year in, she killed everyone. Even my siblings, who had barely entered adulthood.”
“Bram,” Grace breathes. “Saying I’m sorry is useless, but I truly am sorry for your loss. I know what it’s like to have violence touch your family and leave a ragged hole of nothingness behind. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, let alone someone I care about.”
Someone she cares about.