I don’t know whether to be grateful or frustrated that they have no doubt I will come for Grace. But then, they’re right, aren’t they? I might not see a path through, but I didn’t see myself getting to this place either. There has to be a way. But I can barely think past the betrayal and pain wrapped around my throat.
Her mother.
The specter that haunts my nightmares, who left her fingerprints on all my trauma, is the woman who birthed Grace. The mother who taught her everything she knows. The one Grace loved enough to search for by bargaining away seven years of her life in a realm filled with monsters like the ones she spent her life hunting. They are the same person, and I don’t know how to reconcile that. I don’t know if it’s possible.
I swear I sense the moment Ramanu takes Grace from the castle. It shouldn’t be possible to feel her absence with this much space between us, but I do. I’m sure of it. I don’t know if I’m making a mistake. I don’t know anything at all.
Days pass without answers. It doesn’t matter what path my thoughts travel; they all end up in the same place. Grace and I were doomed from the start. No matter what our intentions were, the circumstances are simply impossible. Fuck if that doesn’t hurt, a new scar to add to my collection. I don’t know how to be with her, but if I can’t figure it out, I’m going to spend the rest of my life missing her.
It’s almost a week to the day when there’s a rough knock on the door to my study. I know who’s on the other side. There’s only one person in this realm whose energy constantly has the deep forest green of pride. It’s aggravating enough even without my current circumstances. “Come in.” I might as well get this over with.
Azazel steps into my study and looks around. He’s as out of place here as a hellcat in water, but somehow that doesn’t seem to bother him. He’s never lacking in confidence. “I thought we should speak.”
“Oh, are we speaking now? Or would you like to continue to withhold vital information from me?”
He smiles but not like anything is funny. “You’re starting to sound like her.”
Her. Grace. I want to snap at him to not talk about her, but there’s only one reason for him to be here, and it’s to talk about Grace. “You should’ve told me.”
“I know.” He motions to the chair across my desk. “May I sit?”
I could keep up this posturing, but what’s the point? We need to have this conversation, one way or another. “Sure.”
I study him as he does so. Even here, in the study of someone who could be an enemy, he’s perfectly at ease. This is a man who knows his place in the world. I can’t help a flicker of jealousy. It’s comforting, at least, to know that he can’t read my energy the way Ramanu can.
Azazel’s powers lie in a different direction.
“I made the deal with Barbara Jaeger for my own purposes, but I honestly didn’t think she would be a danger to your family. She consented to spend her time with your father as his consort. I had no reason to believe she was being anything but genuine. In hindsight, I should’ve questioned it more, but I was new to my throne and needed the alliance enough to be a little desperate. I’m not excusing my negligence. I’m merely explaining how we got to that place.”
“I’m aware.” As much as I would love to blame Azazel for the entire situation, every other action he’s taken since gaining leadership of his territory proves that he is a fair and generous leader intent on peace.
He studies me long enough for it to become uncomfortable. “Grace is not her mother. She might’ve agreed to pay the price of seven years because she thought she’d get answers, but ultimately she did it for the benefit of someone she barely knew. I kept tabs on her after things went so poorly with Barbara. I suppose I felt guilty for depriving a daughter of her mother. Grace is ruthless, but she’s also fair and kind to those weaker than herself.”
“You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know. I recognized her from the first true conversation we had, and nothing that has happened in the meantime has dissuaded me.”
He narrows his eyes. “If that’s the case, then why is she terrorizing my household instead of yours?”
My frustration and anger bloom inside of me, hot and sticky and overwhelming. “You understand the circumstances around my family’s death were orchestrated by a single person. I am still working to understand that. My people don’t. What do you think will happen when they realize the woman at my side and in my bed is the daughter of the very same one who enacted the so-called curse they believe in so strongly?”
“So prove them wrong.”
I blink. “Excuse me?”
“You know what my predecessor was like. She encouraged cruelty and rewarded violence. The culture she fostered didn’t simply go away when I took the throne. I have spent years weeding out the poisonous garden she planted. I won’t lie and tell you it’s been an easy task or even one that most of my people truly appreciate or notice. But can you look me in the face and tell me things haven’t changed under my roof?”
No, I can’t tell him that. Things have changed. Not only in the demon bargainer territory, but in the rest of the realm. His leadership, and the line he drew in the sand, created ripples over every other territory. His pursuit of peace has dragged all of us along behind. He’s not the sole one responsible for said peace, but he is an incredible influence. “You never faltered?”
“Of course I faltered. I’ve doubted myself. I’ve questioned whether this was all fruitless. The difference is that I never let that show out in the open. Your people won’t change overnight, Bram. But if you give them hope, a good portion of them will move into a new future with you.”
Hope is a strange thing. Until my time with Grace, I didn’t have much of it at all. Now Azazel wants me to teach hope to my people. I’m not sure it’s even possible, but I can’t deny that his territory was in significantly worse shape when he took over. He and I are not the same, though.
Azazel sighs. “I won’t lie to you. It’s a lonely road. I didn’t have anyone at my side who believed in me and my vision. So I had to believe enough for everyone. Of course I fucking doubted myself, Bram. It was an impossible task, and I’m not through with it yet.” He pushes slowly to his feet. “From what I can tell, you wouldn’t be doing it alone. That’s something you should think about.”
I have spent so long feeling helpless against the whims of my people that the idea of pushing back is one I’ve barely put into action. I wouldn’t have at all if not for Grace. I suppose that means Azazel is right. I’m not alone. Unless I fucked things up beyond repair. “Azazel.”
“Yeah?”
“Tell Grace I’m coming for her tomorrow. If she still wants to see me.”
“Bram.” He looks over his shoulder at me, expression grim. “If you don’t come for her tomorrow, she’s liable to come looking for you.”
24
GRACE
I should be happy to be back in the bargainer demon castle.