“Why not? I fear myself. What I am. What I might be capable of,” she said, glancing down at her shackled hands. I could practically hear the loud thoughts echoing through her mind. Her questioning if the shackles were for her own benefit as well.
“Whatever you were born, you are not a monster now,” I said, my voice softening as I reached out of the tub and held out a hand for her.
She accepted it, stepping into the bath with me and settling between my thighs to face the foot of the bath. Her back pressed into my torso, and I wrapped her up in my arms, raising her shackled wrists over our heads so that they could drape over the edge of the basin.
I looked over her shoulder, getting the perfect view of her body as it stretched out before me.
“I cut Mab,” she said, her voice catching as she admitted it. She sniffled, drawing air into her lungs as she fought through the shock of saying those words out loud.
“You did,” I agreed, nodding lightly. I kept her tucked tightly into my arms, holding her firm and warming her against the chill that swept over her despite the warm water.
“I killed a Fae male with my bare hands, all while chained in iron,” she said, her hard swallow making her body move.
I was grateful she couldn’t see my face, and I worked hard to keep my side of the bond quiet. She didn’t need to stop and think about the wrath I felt at knowing someone had tried to hurt my mate, and that she’d been forced to defend herself alone.
That I hadn’t been there to do it for her.
“You did,” I agreed once again, running my hand over the skin resting above her heart. It thumped beneath my touch, a reassurance that she was still alive.
“Then how can I be anything other than a monster? Those are monstrous acts.” She sighed, leaning her head back against my shoulder. I pressed my cheek into hers, reveling in the feeling of my skin against hers for the moment.
“Am I a monster for what I did to Calfalls? Even you and I would agree that was a monstrous act. I caused the death of thousands,” I said, dipping the cloth into the water and raising it until it dripped onto Estrella’s chest.
“You weren’t yourself. They hurt you. What you did may have been wrong, but you didn’t cut off a man’s head with dull chains,” she said, making the chains clank together behind my head. It was far easier to see the monster in the mirror than to see the ones who stared back at us, wearing the faces of the people we each loved. Estrella had learned that the hard way, vilifying herself for acts of self-defense because they were so against her nature.
As much as I joked about her violence, it was because I knew she would never hurt someone for the sake of it. She didn’t find joy in death and slaughter, seeing it only as a means to an end if she wanted to survive a world that had proven harsher than winter to her.
“I just raised the dead and used them to reduce an entire city to ash,” I said, chuckling against Estrella’s spine.
She stilled. Her features twisted into a pout, her brow furrowing as her lips pursed adorably. She could not defend my actions while condemning hers.
“Sometimes, it is far easier to see the good in others than it is to see it in ourselves. Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is understand that while we are not perfect, the way we defend ourselves is not an indication of our character but purely of our will to live so that we might do the right thing when given the freedom to do so.”
“I don’t think we’ll ever have that chance,” she said, making my heart clench in my chest.
I wanted nothing more than to offer her the assurance she needed that we would one day find the freedom she so desperately craved. That I wanted to share with her more than anything. She had been a prisoner all her life, had never known true freedom.
As had I.
“Come whatever may, we will fight for our freedom,” I said, rubbing the cloth along her skin. Goosebumps rose along her flesh, and her back arched into me when I dragged it over her breast, the sensitive tip hardening beneath my touch.
“Until chaos reigns,” she murmured, turning her head to look at me from the very corner of her eye. Something dark flashed through it, a dark streak of gold reflecting off the night sky before it faded away just as quickly as it came.
I did my best not to acknowledge my surprise, not wanting to add to my mate’s uncertainty about the things that marked her as different. In all my years, I’d encountered a great many beings.
None so strange as her.
“And eternity begins anew,” I said, echoing the vows we’d taken to one another. We may not be able to complete our mate bond yet, but I would give her every part of me that I could in the meantime.
I brought my free hand toward the one holding the cloth, slashing the tip of one of my nails across the surface. A deep cut split my flesh, and blood trickled down to drop into the bath alongside us as I raised my wrist to Estrella’s mouth.
“Drink,” I ordered, watching as droplets of red landed on her chest.
“I doubt that I need your blood any longer. I am not human,” she said with a sad sort of smile. It was bittersweet, as if she would miss the part of her that required my essence inside of her.
“Need it or not, you will take it, anyway. I like knowing that I’m inside of you in any way I can be. I like watching you drink me down and beg me for more,” I explained, pressing my wrist to her lips. She parted them slightly, allowing the first drops to touch her tongue as a muffled groan tore free from her throat. She pressed her mouth tighter to my wrist, sealing her mouth around the wound and sucking at my skin. “Since I have no desire to finish inside your mouth tonight, my blood will have to do.”
Estrella whimpered, her hips writhing within the water. I sensed her pleasure sliding down the bond between us, hardening my cock as she drew me inside her. I let her take more than I should have, hoping against hope that my blood could help sustain her through the tests Mab would force her to endure the next day. I wasn’t yet used to the idea of my mate being the stronger of the two of us, of her ability to heal wounds caused by iron far more quickly than I.
If it meant I would see her safe, I would do whatever it took. Even if it left me weakened.
“Enough, Little One,” I said finally, pulling my wrist away from her mouth.
She panted for breath; her mouth stained by my blood as she licked it clean. I dropped my hand between her thighs, touching the most intimate part of her, and she jolted against my touch. She was already wet, already aching as she pressed against my hand. Seeking more contact, more pressure, more everything.
“Take what you need,” I told her, sliding my fingers down to press into her entrance. The heel of my palm ground against her clit as she moved her hips, grinding against my hand and using the movement to fuck herself with my fingers.
She whimpered as her thighs tightened around my touch, trapping my hand between them in a grip I couldn’t have extricated myself from if I’d wanted to. She came, her pussy clamping down on my fingers as she took them deep.
I gave her a moment to come back to life, to find her energy once more after the force of her orgasm. Then I reached above my head, grasping her by the iron chains and removing them from the edge of the tub. I pushed them around to her front, helping her to her knees in front of me until we draped those chains over the edge of the basin on the other end.