The Do-Over(29)
Author: Suzanne Park

 

I sipped and observed. Steady streams of students walked out of the science and engineering buildings. It was lunchtime and hordes of undergrads headed toward the two main dining establishments on campus. I didn’t want to be that old person who went on “back in my day” tirades, but back in my day, kids looked and behaved differently. We didn’t carry gigantic water flasks, parading them around like campus status symbols. Nor did we have an extreme dichotomy between students wearing pajamas with knock-off UGGs to class and the fancier ones who wore Moncler beanies, Canada Goose parkas, and Prada boots when the weather dropped below fifty degrees some mornings. And to continue with my clothing complaints, since when did the larger-size ladies’ shirts in the Student Union barely fit over my boobs? I bought an XL Carlthorpe logo shirt and it barely fit. When did the XLs get so small?

 

I caught a glimpse of a trio of gorgeous girls walking into the CS building, all carrying Chihuahua-size, pastel reusable bottles and they were most definitely not wearing XL anything. These waify college girls looked nothing like my peers from a decade ago. Style and fashion had obviously changed over the years, but these young women glowed. They were plucked and highlighted and microbladed, things I hadn’t even known about until I was thirty. In my old, oversize black-and-white-striped Madewell boyfriend shirt and high-waisted dark denim jeans with no belt, I felt dumpy, like a freshly washed used car driving behind a garbage truck on the freeway, getting pelted by bits of trash skimming off the top.

 

I wasn’t the only one who noticed the three of them: they caught the eyes of many science and engineering majors, their jaws hanging while they gawked in the most unsubtle of ways.

 

My stomach churned when I realized why the girls looked so familiar. They were the ones sitting in front of me on the first day of CS class. The students who were collectively hot for Jacob the TA. The ones who were now visiting said TA for office hours.

 

Maybe these three undergrads were seeking some guidance or academic assistance from Jake, and it was as simple as that. So what if all three of them had commented about his physical appearance . . . and didn’t appreciate his desert-dry humor and his acts of kindness . . . and only saw a handsome face, powerful chest, muscular arms, and perfectly fitting tees. Who cared if these students weren’t interested in the well-being of his cat?

 

Apparently, I did.

 

A sense of urgency jolted me into action. I threw away my trash and walked to the CS building. Pushing the elevator button, then rising slowly to the fourth floor, it occurred to me that I had no game plan. I’d already finished the week’s lesson. And the following week’s one as well. I had no questions about the assignments or grading. Was it even wise to be in Jake’s office alone with him, given our history?

 

DING!

 

The doors opened and I stepped out into the grad student office wing. Even though the building was fairly new, the halls had an old-school smell to them, like polished wooden floors and the faint aroma of drip coffee wafting down the corridor. Cream-colored walls were lined with corkboards promoting events, seminars, and job opportunities for students with CS degrees. A few yards down, a long wooden bench in front of the grad students’ and professors’ offices was occupied by two female students I’d seen earlier.

 

They both startled at my presence when I approached.

 

One girl elbowed the other. “No one uses office hours but us. Weird to see someone else here.”

 

I plunked down on the empty side of the bench and acknowledged the comment. “I have a few clarifying questions about the last lecture and it’s probably easiest to just ask in person instead of email.” I don’t know why I bothered to say anything, even though what I said was true. It’s not like they were the office hours gatekeepers.

 

The taller of the two commented, “We’re usually here to get a better understanding of what was covered in class. A lot goes over my head and we need some individualized attention.”

 

The other one snorted. “Yeah right, you’re totally here for the sake of learning.”

 

“Hey.” Taller girl shot her a look. “There’s no crime in bettering our education while at the same time admiring our TA eye candy. Maybe we should come to office hours twice a week instead, so we can ask even more clarifying questions.”

 

Shorter one nodded. “Sounds good.” She looked at me. “Thanks for that idea.”

 

Yes, Lily, thanks for giving them that idea.

 

The door creaked open and the third student came out, winking unsubtly at her friends. “Who’s next?” she asked.

 

The pair on the bench stood at the same time and the taller one said to me, “We’ll be quick. We both have to be somewhere soon and have the same questions and, um, mutual interests.”

 

They walked into the office and the other member of their trio took a seat next to me. She pulled out her makeup bag from her purse and examined herself in her compact mirror. “Oh great, my mascara’s smudged. I hope he didn’t notice.”

 

He, meaning Jake? The twinge in my stomach returned.

 

After a couple of minutes, I heard laughter erupt from the room. What was I even doing here? Jake needed to do his own thing, and I needed to do mine. We were playing nice now and there was no reason to complicate or confuse things.

 

I didn’t need to be here. It was stupid of me to show up.

 

Stumbling to my feet, I unzipped my coat to provide relief to my rising body temperature and quickening heartbeat. Slowly breathing in and out, trying to maximize lung capacity, I gathered my belongings.

 

The office door creaked open and laughter rang down the hallway. Rather than stay, I marched to the elevator and hit the down button several times.

 

Hurry up, hurry up! The elevator grumbled as it rose a few floors, but then it stopped on a lower level.

 

“See you next week, Jacob. Huh, there was someone sitting here but she’s gone now.”

 

I couldn’t wait any longer. Running down four flights of stairs, I burst through the main entrance double doors with a hard push and nearly tripped over my own feet as I followed the flow of students exiting the building. Breathing hard from the burst of cardio, I veered left to head back to my apartment to study. Once I got home and reread my notes, I’d email Jake any questions. A far better use of my time and energy.

 

 

* * *

 

I DROPPED MY backpack in the hallway and took off my running shoes, hardly noticing a pair of shiny silver pointy-toe flats that didn’t belong to me or to Beth.

 

Mia popped her head out of my bedroom doorway. “Surprise! Did you see my fancy new footwear? I treated myself to new shoes because your girl just landed a new start-up client!”