“Trying to get my weekly blog written,” she replied but she hadn’t come up with more than the title so far. Every time she tried to get started, all she could do was drift off into memories of Sean. His kindness and his patience, especially toward children, was one of the things that had first attracted her to him. She’d always believed he’d make a great father.
Now she saw him in an entirely different light, of course. The way he’d gravitated toward children and tried to gain their trust turned her stomach. And she’d come so close to having a family with him, still couldn’t believe they’d been married for eight years and, in all that time, she’d never suspected that his love for children was based on the wrong kind of interest.
“Serenity?”
She blinked. Apparently, Reagan hadn’t continued on to the kitchen. “Sorry. What’d you say?”
“I said...we’ve been in touch for several months, and yet you’ve never mentioned you have a blog?”
“It didn’t really come up.”
Reagan ran her free hand through her short hair. “I guess that’s true. We didn’t talk about our daily routines. We were all shocked to have found new family members and were too busy wondering what it might mean.”
Leave it to Reagan to go straight to the bottom line. “We were for sure tiptoeing around. But if you’d ever looked me up online, you’d know I have a blog,” she teased. “I followed you on social media.”
“I was sort of in denial. Although, after we decided to meet, I did buy and read one of your books. It was the one where the neighbor murdered the wife of the young couple next door, and it took the police ten years to solve the case even though the murderer kept inserting himself into the investigation.”
“What happened there was so sad. The woman he killed was sweet and loved by everyone.”
“I’m glad they finally got him. You did a great job covering it, by the way.”
Serenity smiled. “Thanks.”
“So what’s the name of your blog?”
“Serenity Alston Investigates.”
“Good idea to use your name—for branding purposes.”
“I’m glad an advertising expert approves.” Serenity was tempted to close her laptop. She wanted to give up and go to bed. Her blinking cursor mocked her feeble efforts. But she refused to let that blank screen win. She had to get back on top of her writing and the business side that went along with it. “Any word from Edison & Curry on your resignation?”
“Haven’t checked. I’m too afraid to see how Gary will react.”
“Is it possible he’ll demand you return and give him two weeks’ notice?”
“No. Once you’re fired or you quit at Edison & Curry, they have you clear out immediately. It’s almost as if they suddenly can’t stand the sight of you. First thing tomorrow, they’ll probably dump the contents of my office in boxes and shove them in the storage room.”
“What if you’re wrong? Don’t you think you should check your email, just in case?”
Reagan’s water bottle made a popping sound as she opened and closed it again and again. “Tomorrow morning will be soon enough. Otherwise, I might be too upset to sleep.”
“Makes sense. Any calls or texts from Drew?”
“No. My phone’s been quiet since I turned in my resignation.”
Serenity tried to read Reagan’s expression, but it was difficult in the mostly dark room. The only light came from the kitchen and the glow of her computer screen. “That’s good, right?”
“Doesn’t feel like it.”
“You said you didn’t want to talk to Drew.”
“I do and I don’t. It was weirdly reassuring that he wanted to talk to me. Now that he’s gone silent, I feel... I don’t know...worse. But for different reasons, of course.” She seemed to manufacture a shrug. “I knew giving him up wouldn’t be easy.”
Serenity felt bad for her. It was painful to fall in love with the wrong person. There were times when she still missed Sean—things he did or said, even the way he touched her. And that only made her feel more cheated and duped, which angered her all over again. Her mother expected her to relegate it to the past, pick herself up and get married again, but she’d honestly loved her husband.
She still did, in many ways. That was probably the saddest part of all. “Will you ever speak to him again?”
“I’d like to say goodbye, gain some type of closure. But I’ll wait to see how everyone reacts to my resignation first.” She perched on the arm of the love seat that was at a ninety-degree angle to the couch. “Anyway, enough about me. We were talking about your blog. Do you sell advertising on it?”
Of course Reagan would be interested in that aspect. “No. I have about fifteen thousand followers, and they’re quite active, but I haven’t pursued any advertisers.”
“Why not? You could make some extra money.”
“I’m more concerned with staying in touch with my readers so they’ll buy my next book. If I don’t sell enough copies, I won’t get another contract.”
Reagan set her bottle aside. “And? Are you seeing the carryover you were hoping to see?”
“I think so. My books bring me more followers for my blog and my blog brings me more buyers for my books. The only problem is the constant need for content—and the fact that I haven’t been able to write much lately.”
Concern entered Reagan’s voice. “How long has it been since your last post?”
“Three weeks,” she replied but didn’t mention that she hadn’t been making much progress on her book, either.
“I hope it isn’t because of me and Lorelei.”
“No, definitely not.” Serenity shifted to get more comfortable. “I’ve struggled ever since I found that garbage on Sean’s computer.”
“But you found those files eighteen months ago. The writing’s not getting any easier after this much time?”
The ticking clock in Serenity’s head seemed to grow louder. Knowing that she should be back at work, that it had been long enough, only made the frustration worse. “No. If anything, it’s getting harder.”
“Why?”
“It’s as if Sean blew a huge hole through me. I’ve lost part of myself. My innocence. My security. My trust in others. Something. And I can’t seem to get it back. A year and a half may sound like a long time, but it went by so fast.” She let her head fall back on the couch. “When you were a kid, did you ever go on The Rotor at an amusement park?”