Mr. K’s mouth popped open. Then his face snapped back into place.
His eyebrow lowered. His eye opened. His cheek unpuffed. His tongue went back inside where it belonged.
“Why did she do that to me?” he cried.
Dr. P handed him a tissue.
Mr. K wiped his eyes, and then cleaned the imaginary pie off his face. He stood and straightened his suit.
“You won’t tell anybody anything about this, will you?” he asked.
“Everything that happens inside this office is strictly confidential,” Dr. P assured him.
Mr. K left the office feeling as dignified as ever.
Dr. P leaned back in his chair, with his hands behind his head. He felt very satisfied. It’s not every day that he gets to help someone as important as Mr. K.
Dr. P’s tongue was sticking out.
His left eyebrow was raised. His right eye was shut tight. And it looked like he was trying to swallow a tennis ball.
15
The Unbreakables
It’s bad enough when two friends fight. It’s even worse when three friends pick on a fourth.
Joe and John were best friends.
“Shut up!” said Joe.
“You shut up!” said John.
Rondi and Allison were best friends.
“May I borrow a pencil?” asked Allison.
“Here, stick it up your nose!” said Rondi.
Maybe it was because they were worried and anxious about the Cloud of Doom looming above them. Maybe it was because their fingernails and toenails were growing too fast. For whatever reason, the longer everyone spent beneath the Cloud, the crabbier they got.
Maurecia, Joy, Deedee, and Ron were more than just best friends forever. Their friendship was so strong, they called themselves the “Unbreakables.”
Every morning, they met before school by the flagpole. They had a special four-handed handshake. Each would hold out one hand, and they’d lock thumbs to pinkies. Then they’d raise and lower their hands three times and shout, “Unbreakable!”
The lunch bell kaboinked four times, and the Unbreakables headed down the stairs together.
“I wonder what we’re having today,” Deedee said.
“Didn’t you count the kaboinks?” asked Maurecia.
“Spaghetti and feetballs,” said Joy.
“Ooh, I like those,” said Deedee.
“You would,” said Ron. “They smell as bad as your feet.”
He held his nose.
“My feet don’t stink,” said Deedee.
Joy held her nose too, and said, “Not to you, but to everyone else!”
Maurecia and Ron laughed.
They entered the cafeteria. Deedee took a tray and pushed it to Miss Mush. The lunch teacher handed her a plate of spaghetti topped with a foot-shaped meat patty.
Deedee set the plate on her tray, next to her history book. She was careful not to spill any feetsauce. Her half-finished homework was folded inside the book. It was due after lunch.
She sat down with the others at one of the long tables. She cut off a piece of a feetball, swished it around in the sauce, and ate it.
“You eat the heel first?” asked Maurecia.
“So, what’s wrong with that?” asked Deedee.
“It’s gross!” said Ron. “You’re supposed to start with the toes!”
“Who says?”
“It’s just how it’s done,” said Joy. “Ask anyone.”
“You don’t know everything!” Deedee said angrily as she shook her fork at her friends.
A bit of sauce dropped on her paper.
“Now look what you did!” she accused them.
“You did it to yourself,” said Joy.
Deedee tried to wipe it up with her napkin, but that only made it worse. “Now I have to start all over!” she complained.
Deedee remained in the cafeteria long after her friends left to go play. She still had one question to answer, and one last toe to eat.
It didn’t seem fair that her friends were outside playing, while she was stuck inside.
“Stupid Ron,” she muttered. “Stupid Maurecia. Stupid Joy. They’re the ones with stinky feet!”
When at last she finished, she put her dishes in the dish tray, and dumped her trash. She hurried out of the lunchroom, and down the stairs.
Once outside, she saw them playing three-square, and wasn’t sure if she even wanted to join them.
Suddenly, her face filled with horror. “Oh, no!” she called out, and then pulled her hair with both hands.
She didn’t have her homework, or her history book! She turned and ran back into the building.
Miss Mush and Mr. Pepperadder were busy wiping the counter with dishrags when Deedee came rushing up them.
“Hi, Deedee, did you want seconds?” Miss Mush asked hopefully. “We put everything away, but I’d be happy to heat up another plate.”
Out of breath, Deedee explained about her book and homework.
Neither Miss Mush nor Mr. Pepperadder remembered seeing it.
“And I’ve already dumped all the trash,” said Mr. Pepperadder.
There were four large dumpsters in the back of Wayside School. A pair of feet was sticking up out of one of them.
Upside down, buried in the trash, Deedee tried to read every wrinkled and soggy piece of paper as she dug through half-eaten feetballs, strands of spaghetti, drippy milk cartons, apple cores, pickle slices, and who-knows-what-else?
she cried.
Then, just when all hope seemed lost, a noise came from somewhere deep inside the dumpster next to hers.
called Ron.
Rustling sounds could be heard from inside the other two dumpsters, as well.
cheered Maurecia.
shouted Joy.
Yes, there were six other feet sticking up from the dumpsters.
They were the Unbreakables. Not even the Cloud of Doom could destroy their friendship.
But that was only the first test. The ultimate test was still to come.
16
A Short Chapter About a Long Book
Read a book. Write a book report. Draw a picture.
That was the assignment Mrs. Jewls put up on the board.
(Don’t worry. You haven’t already read this chapter. Mrs. Jewls assigned lots of book reports. For some reason, she thought reading was important.)
Whenever Jason looked at the board, he got a heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach—almost as heavy as the 999-page book he lugged around in his backpack. It was like his own Cloud of Doom that he took wherever he went.
He didn’t know how he’d ever read it. His book report was already three weeks late.
One time his bookmark fell out. It took him twenty minutes just to find his place.
He was very disappointed to discover he was only on page six.
“Jason, is your book report ready yet?” Mrs. Jewls asked him each day he walked into class.
“Sorry, Mrs. Jewls,” he told her. “It’s a really, really, really long book.”
He always answered the same way, although the number of reallys varied.
“How do you like your book?” Allison asked him.
“Have you finished it yet?” asked Rondi.
The two girls giggled.
He wondered if anyone had ever read a book with 999 pages. Maybe the author never even finished writing it. Perhaps she quit after 300 pages, figuring nobody would ever get that far anyway.