Chapter 31
ESSIE
TILBURY DOCKS, 1912
Tilbury Docks was as busy as Paddington Station. Mothers herded toddlers as though they were flocks of ducklings while porters in waistcoats strained to push barrows loaded with trunks. Barrels stood in neat rows, waiting to be rolled up the gangplank by spritely sailors.
Everyone was dressed in their Sunday best: coats, hats and gloves. A woman smelling of fresh gardenias and wearing a fox pelt pushed past Essie, soft fur brushing against her cheek. It made a nice change to the scratchy wool and linen she’d been pressed against on the train.
The imposing RMS Laconda rocked against the jetty, lashed to the dock with thick ropes.
It was hard to believe that just a few hours from now, when the tide was at its peak, those ropes would be unfurled and cast aside and, with them, Essie’s old life.
She swallowed and stole a glance at Freddie from under the brim of her hat. Her brother looked so forlorn, so repentant. Overly eager to help.
They each grieved for the twins—for their broken family—in their own way. She clutched her small suitcase against her legs and refused to let Freddie help her to carry it.
It was not the going-away she’d always imagined. Rather, she wore a dress identical to the one she wore to work in the Rubens’ factory, with a coat she’d fashioned from an old blanket.
A sailor with pink cheeks and sharp creases in his pants approached.
‘Can I help you, miss?’ He gave Essie a warm smile and she found herself returning it despite herself.
‘My sister is looking for—’
‘Thank you, Freddie.’ Essie quickly cut her brother off and gently touched his arm. She’d not had a man speak for her in the past and she wasn’t going to be starting now.
She shifted her bodyweight and composed herself. Gertie would be proud. ‘I’m looking for …’ She held her ticket out and pointed.
The young man squinted and leaned over to read the ticket, before straightening.
‘Right you are then. You’ll be downstairs. Up the front.’ He paused, and began to say something before stopping and starting again. ‘Are you the only one travelling today, miss?’
Essie lifted her chin and looked the sailor directly in the eyes as she imagined Gertie might do. ‘Yes, just me, thank you.’ She felt a flutter in her stomach, as if the little one had heard her and kicked in protest.
He nodded. ‘Very well. They’re all shared cabins down in third.’
Third class. It was like a final kick in the shins. The bastard could not even stump up for a second-class ticket. Still, all she had to do was get on that ship. When she disembarked in Boston, Esther Murphy would be free to be whoever she wanted.
The breeze caught her skirt and it billowed a little at her ankles.
Another sailor had come over and smiled apologetically.
‘Officer Kirby, sorry to interrupt—’ he nodded at Essie and Freddie ‘—but the captain wants to see you, on the foredeck.’
‘Thank you, Smith. I’ll be there just as soon as I’ve finished showing this lady to her cabin.’ He turned to Freddie and said, ‘I’ll escort her to her quarters.’
Essie put down her bag and embraced her brother. She could feel his ribs and bony shoulders through his thin shirt. He smelled of smoke and hair cream.
‘Goodbye, Freddie,’ she said, her voice cracking. She drank in his smell, and his lean frame. Her brother had always seemed younger than her, almost like one of the twins.
‘Goodbye, Es. Take care.’
She released her brother and took a step backwards. ‘Make sure you write to Gertie and Ma when you move into your new lodgings. And call in on Mr and Mrs Yarwood from time to time, won’t you?’
‘Here, let me carry your bag,’ said Officer Kirby. ‘Just up the gangway, at least.’ He looked concerned. ‘There’s a bit of wind about and I’d hate for you to slip and the bag to end up in the drink.’
This young officer was simply doing his duty and offering to help. Edward had always been similarly thoughtful—right up until his cowardly betrayal. Essie was furious with herself for seeing Officer Kirby as anything other than dutiful. Despite Ma’s warnings when Essie bid her final farewell, Essie still refused to believe every man she met had a sinister agenda. She could feel her ears burning as she mumbled her thanks.
‘Righto. Best be boarding.’ And Officer Kirby gestured to indicate Essie should precede him.
She grabbed the cold rails and felt the dappled sun on her face. She took a couple of steps before turning back to see that Freddie had grabbed the officer’s shoulder and was speaking to him urgently.
The sailor was nodding slowly and Essie caught the last words on the wind.
‘If you could just look out for her …’
The officer glanced her way and caught Essie’s eye for a brief moment before nodding at Freddie. ‘Aye. Of course. I’ll keep an eye out for the lass. Though I must say—if you’ll beg my pardon—she has the look of someone who is well able to take care of herself.’
‘That she is.’ But Freddie’s chuckle was heavy with sadness.
‘Still, a young woman, travelling alone downstairs …’ The officer shook his head and Essie turned away quickly, not wanting the men to know she’d been eavesdropping.
Her brother was only trying to do the right thing. He blamed himself for not being able to save the twins. And for Edward.
Her stomach heaved as she recalled the sound of a head cracking on a cobblestone, the squelching of a wheel and a whinnying horse.
Edward had been a coward, but he hadn’t deserved to die under the wheel of a cart. His accident was a dreadful accident—one she’d regret for the rest of her life.
Essie tried to still the guilt and loss and longing churning in her belly. She would not let it feed into the little one. She was not going to allow him—a mistake—to define her or her baby. She needed to find a way to live with her own regret and guilt but give this baby the clean slate it deserved. With that she strode up the gangplank and stepped onto the steamer, ready to depart for her new life.
When she turned back, Freddie had been pushed into the shadows by a sea of dark coats elbowing each other out of the way. She could barely make out her brother’s pale features.
The wind stung her face—her cheeks were wet with tears—and she took the sharp sea air deep into her lungs. A lone seagull swooped and shrieked overhead, piercing the low hum of family farewells and whispered words.
Essie couldn’t know, of course, what lay ahead on the Atlantic or in her new country. But she gripped the handrail and surprised herself by praying to the shuddering steamer, the captain, and the calm officer with the kind eyes to deliver her safely to land—to her new life.
Chapter 32
Essie hadn’t planned on falling in love during the voyage, but that was what happened.
The first officer—Mr Niall Kirby—managed to secure a ‘spare’ cabin and saw her safely ensconced on the top deck. When he left her alone in the gleaming cabin with its plush carpet and feather pillows, she tucked her tattered suitcase under a table, collapsed onto the huge bed, and slept for eight hours. When she awoke to a dark cabin with her boots and coat still on, she tugged them off and went back to sleep again until morning.