Christopher
was
not
seen
or
heard
from
for
six
days.
Part II
Dreams Come True
Chapter 7
Mary Katherine was guilty. That was nothing new. She had been guilty ever since her first CCD class with Mrs. Radcliffe over ten years ago. But this was really bad. She couldn’t believe she let it get so out of control. The law clearly stated that kids were not allowed to drive alone after midnight. It was 11:53 p.m., and she was at least ten minutes from home. How did she let this happen?
“You just got your license! You’re so stupid!” she berated herself.
How long did it take her to get her license? Remember?! She had to beg her mother to even bring it up to her father. Then, when her mom finally mustered enough courage to throw back a couple of (boxes of) white wine and have the talk, it took both of them working on Dad for weeks to even allow a learner’s permit. When the other kids only took one Driver’s Ed class, Mary Katherine had to take two. When the other parents let their kids drive on McLaughlin Run Road or even Route 19 for gosh sake, Mary Katherine was still stuck in the church parking lot. Not even the big parking lot at Holy Ascension. She was stuck at St. Joseph’s! Hello!
By the time slutty Debbie “Done Him” Dunham and that notorious drunk Michele Gorman were driving all the way to downtown Pittsburgh, Mary Katherine was pulling in and out of her own driveway.
“Hey, Virgin Mary,” Debbie would say in the locker room. “Could you give me a lift up my driveway?”
Mary Katherine was used to kids calling her names. “The more devout the child, the more devout the insult,” her mother liked to say when Mary Katherine couldn’t keep the tears down with the usual “sticks and stones” advice. But Debbie Dunham was the worst. When it came to Christians, she cheered for the lions. So, when Mary Katherine graduated from her Catholic middle school to the public high school, she had found the transition more than difficult. In the end, being a true believer was not an easy path in a multiple-choice world.
But the good thing about Catholic guilt was that it worked both ways. Mary Katherine’s perfect attendance, straight A’s, extra credit when she already had a 99, and 2020 SAT score eventually wore down her father. Eventually, even he had to admit that he had the most responsible daughter a man could ever hope to have. He allowed her to take her driver’s test. She aced it! Thank you, Jesus. And when her permanent license came in the mail, her picture was drop-dead gorgeous. She was guilty because vanity is a sin. But this quickly passed. Because she was seventeen. She had her license. It was senior year. She was applying to Notre Dame. Life was endless with the possibilities of freedom.
She had to make it home by midnight.
Or else she was going to ruin it all.
The clock read 11:54 p.m.
“God dammit!” she said, then immediately crossed herself.
“Gosh darnit,” she corrected, hoping it would be enough.
Mary Katherine retraced her mistake. She had met Doug at the movie at 9:30. The theater manager said the running time was two hours. That would have brought her to 11:30. It would be 11:27 if she left before the credits ended, which made her feel guilty because those people work so hard. But either way, she had plenty of time, right? But the theater kept playing commercials. And more trailers for Bad Cat 3D (as if we needed another one!). By the time the movie started, she actually forgot what movie they were supposed to see. She wanted to see the new romantic comedy from Disney. But oh, no. Doug needed his disaster movie.
Stupid Doug.
Why do the smartest boys like the dumbest movies? Doug had gotten straight A’s since kindergarten. He would be valedictorian and get into every college he applied to—even the secular ones. But he just had to see the world almost destroyed again.
“And no, Doug,” she said aloud to herself in the car, practicing for a fight she would never actually start, “I don’t like it when you put the Junior Mints in the popcorn. I don’t think it tastes better at all!”
The clock read 11:55 p.m.
God dammit!
Mary Katherine considered her options. She could exceed the speed limit, but if she got a ticket, she would be grounded for even longer. She could blow off a stop sign or two, but that was even worse. The only plan that made sense was going on Route 19, but her father forbade her from driving on highways. “Honor thy father and thy mother” worked on most days, but this was an emergency. It was either jump on Route 19 for two minutes or be late.
She turned onto the highway.
The traffic was so fast. Her heart beat with all of the cars rushing by in the left lane with her doing the legal 45 miles per hour in the right. She couldn’t risk a ticket. No way. Especially on Route 19. Her father would take her license away for that. And she would never drive her mother’s Volvo again.
“God,” she said, “if You get me home by midnight, I promise to give extra money to the collection plate this Sunday.”
After she said that, something gripped her. It was an old guilt. An old fear. The first time she’d thought it was after Doug and she went parking near Mill Grove Elementary School last Christmas. They were tongue kissing, and out of nowhere, Doug touched her left breast over the fuzzy sweater her grandmother had given her. It only lasted a second, and he claimed he slipped. But she knew better. She was very upset with him. But the truth was, she was more upset with herself.
Because she liked it.
She would never tell Doug that. But when she went home that night, she couldn’t stop herself from replaying the moment over and over. Thinking about his hands under her shirt and over her bra. And under her bra. And naked. She was so guilty that she actually thought she could get pregnant from Doug’s hand on top of her fuzzy sweater. She knew that was crazy. She knew you could only get pregnant from sexual intercourse. She went to health class. Her parents weren’t that crazy Catholic. But still, she couldn’t shake the fear. So, she promised God that if He spared her the humiliation of being pregnant, she would confess her sins and give all her babysitting money to the collection plate. The next day, she got her period. And she was so relieved, she cried. That week, she confessed her sins to Father Tom and gave all her babysitting money to God.
But the experience left her shaken. After all, to think sin is to commit sin. That’s what Mrs. Radcliffe taught in CCD. So, what would have happened if she had died before she could have gone to confession and cleansed herself? She knew the answer, and it terrified her.
So, she had to figure out an early warning system. Something that would make her know that what she had done was so sinful that God would send her to Hell. For weeks, she couldn’t think of it. And then, when she started driving by herself, she passed a deer on the road, and it came to her.
Hit a deer.
“God,” she said, “if I am going to Hell, make me hit a deer with my car.”