‘What do you want?’ she demanded.
‘Someone told me to come here.’ Vivi coughed, her throat dry from the smoke and dust in the streets.
‘Who?’ she growled.
Vivi leaned forward, fighting the scent of cheap perfume that threatened to overpower her as she confided, ‘The Terrier.’
The lips of Madame Mazella curled in the corners as she croaked out, ‘We have not seen him for a while. I’m presuming you are in trouble.’ Her voice was low and gravelly with the recognition of Terrier’s name and the effect of the cigarettes she obviously smoked.
Vivi nodded her head.
‘Come with me,’ Madame Mazella instructed and, turning away, made her way up a remarkably elaborate staircase as another girl wearing nothing but her underwear came tripping down the stairs holding the hand of a man who looked drunk.
It was only then that Vivi realised what this was. She was in a brothel. Oh, good God, Terrier had sent her to a bordello? This would have been highly amusing to her if it wasn’t for the fact she was in such a desperate state. Vivi followed behind the madam, and as they passed room after room, she could hear people in the throes of passion.
Vivi tried to orientate herself. All her training had not prepared her for this.
‘You can have Marie’s room. She is not well, so will not be here today.’
Madame Mazella unlocked a door and pushed it open. The smell of more cheap perfume, stale cigarette smoke and whisky greeted Vivi’s nostrils. She stepped into the room, afraid someone would be having sex right there in front of them. But as the madam put the light on, the room was empty apart from the large double bed that dominated the room.
‘You will be safe in here, but we don’t serve breakfast,’ the older woman quipped with a curl of her lip. ‘You can stay here until someone comes for you.’ She then shut the door and locked it before Vivi could say anything.
Exhausted, she sat on the edge of the bed, wondering what to do next. She searched the room and found a half bottle of Scotch and a packet of cigarettes. Unscrewing the top she swigged straight from the bottle. She was so thirsty, but she also needed to calm her shaking limbs and fast-beating heart. It wasn’t until she finished her second cigarette that her breath started to slow and then the weight of all that had happened started to sink in. At first Vivi tried to sleep on the top of the cover, not sure it was clean enough to climb inside, but the sounds all around the house were very distracting and she was so on edge she kept waking with a jolt, her body prepared for combat.
Then at one point, in the early hours of the morning, someone hammered on her door.
‘Marie, it is me, Marceau. I am here, my flower, my pet. Are you in there for me? Marie, don’t be mad. Open the door.’
She sat bolt upright, trying to figure out what to do. If she answered him, she was worried that when he saw that his usual girl wasn’t there, he’d come in after her and she didn’t want to draw attention to herself or have to tackle someone in a brothel. Vivi waited, breathing quietly in the darkness, as he continued to hammer on the door.
Eventually, he left, and she walked to the window and pulled aside a threadbare purple velvet curtain with gold tassels, heavy with dust. Paris was still alight with fire and in the distance there was the hum of bombs dropping. She felt sick, Yvette was injured and the family that had taken care of her were gone. What would happen to them all now? More than anything, there was guilt. It was because she’d left the antenna on display that they were even being arrested. She had been so stupid and foolish. They had trained her, but nothing had prepared her for how it would feel to cost people their lives. Vivi was crippled by the pain and the sting of regret.
Lying down, she must have fallen asleep then, because the next thing she knew was somebody else beating on the door. Vivi looked towards the window. Even through the thin, dusty, greying net curtains she could see the sun was high. It must be late morning already; she must have slept straight through.
The person hammered at the door again.
‘Go away!’ she shouted. ‘Marie is not here.’
Suddenly she heard a key in the door. Someone was coming in. Vivi thought through her training. She hadn’t been expecting to use it in a brothel, but she was skilled in hand-to-hand combat. She looked around the room for anything she could use as a weapon, but there was nothing but a chamber pot. Picking it up, Vivi swung it up over her head. The door opened, and she held it high. And then, to her relief, she saw a familiar face.
‘Very nice, how much do you charge?’ Terrier smiled as he looked around the bedroom.
Vivi dropped the pot, relieved, and sank onto the bed.
Behind Terrier, the madam shook her head saying, ‘Please get her out of here quickly. We need this room back, and we don’t want trouble with the Nazis.’
But Vivi was shaking violently with the adrenalin coursing through her body. Terrier sat next to her on the bed. ‘Claudette, listen. We have to go, do you understand? We have to get you out, now.’
His voice filtered through as he laid his hand on her shoulder. Vivi nodded and barely remembered the trip out of the brothel and back to the train, where Terrier resumed his regular deception, linking her arm, giving the impression they were a couple to people around them. She tried to keep her head down as they scuttled through the streets. All she felt was regret.
But once they were in the carriage alone, he looked kindly at her.
‘It’s my fault,’ she spluttered out. ‘I should have retrieved the aerial. Now that poor family… what will happen to them?’
Terrier turned and stared out of the window. ‘It is war. It is a hard time. Though it was unfortunate you drew them to the cell.’
‘What?’ she snapped, staring at him, incredulously. ‘Someone uncovered the network?’
He eyed her warily. ‘We assumed it was you. One of the houses was raided last night.’
She shook her head. ‘I told the household nothing. I wanted to protect them.’ Then she remembered something. ‘Yvette followed me one day to a Resistance meeting. Do you think she told them?’
He lit a cigarette and handed one to her. Vivi took it, her hand shaking, but as she drew in smoke, it calmed her. Terrier was silent. He didn’t have to say anything more. Vivi sat there with her grief, not only with the thought of the family being tortured, or even murdered, but all the members of that cell. All their lives were now weighing down her conscience. Vivi felt young and ridiculous. What had made her think she could do this? Thinking it would be an adventure, that she’d be brave, that she’d change the world. And because of her foolishness, her ridiculous bravado, they were now all dead or on their way to prison. She sat back in her seat and felt numb.
‘We have to get you out in case anybody else has tracked you.’
She realised with a shock he was also concerned for himself. Yvette’s family knew of him, even though they didn’t know where he was from. Vivi hoped that would spare him. On the return trip to Anne-Marie’s, Terrier was silent, with just the rattle of the carriages on the track to comfort her. And when they got her out two days later by another boat, she felt nothing but grief and regret. Vivi had failed. She had not been careful, and now people were dead.
18