I finally spotted James, eyes guarded and focused on me. I gave him a shy wave, then tugged the hem of my shirt. Get it together, Nik. This is your husband, he still loves you. I think.
Taking a deep breath, I walked to him, jerked my head toward the exit. “You want to go someplace quiet? Have a talk?”
“What about your fans?”
There were a few people looking my way, some curious, probably wanting to say hey or good show or what the hell ever to me. I couldn’t concentrate on them, only on James.
“They can wait.” I reached for his hand. “Follow me. I know a place.” I gave him a confident smile, so unlike the unsure girl I was feeling like on the inside.
The place I knew was our dressing room. There was nowhere else we could go and have privacy.
“Are you staying for the night?” I asked, waving at him to sit. He sat on a pea green couch that looked the color of vomit. Despite the unsightly backdrop, I drank James in. He went straight to my head like an oak-aged whiskey.
I stood, pacing the floor.
“Not sure. But I’m here.”
“Because Davey called you.”
“Because I needed to see you.”
“You needed to see me?” I licked my lips. “Why?”
“Your eyes. I wanted to see if you were . . .” He sighed. “I wanted to see if you were happy without me. Without us.”
I laughed. Husky and barren and sad. So fucking sad. “And what do you see?”
“I see a woman who’s scared. Scared of herself, scared that she’ll lose it all.”
I stepped closer until I stood between his knees. “And will she?” I cleared my throat, repeating my question in a whisper. “Will she lose it all?”
“Depends.” He shrugged, folding a long leg across his knees. His toffee brown eyes intense on mine. “Do you love me?”
“Duh.”
His lips turned up at the corner. “Our kids?”
I rolled my eyes. “Double duh.”
He chuckled. “Then . . . then we’ll figure out a way.”
I straddled his lap, cupping his face. “Miss you.” I grazed his lips, teasing him, teasing us.
He sucked my lips, and with his tongue implored my mouth with a kiss. Years later and this man still rocked the hell out of my world.
“You love me?” I whispered against his lips.
“Triple duh.”
“Hell yeah, you do.” I leaned in for another kiss. Angie was dancing around my head, thrusting her hips and shaking her ass.
“So you’re okay with me being in the band?” I smiled against his lips.
James groaned. “Baby, I won’t lie . . . I don’t think I can handle the band.”
Angie stopped her happy dance. “Ruh-roh,” she said in a Scooby-Doo voice.
“Baby . . .” I sighed against his ear. “You’ve gotta trust me.”
James leaned back, his eyes serious. “I trust you. But, baby, you’ve got a problem. Several. Drinking and Trent.”
“Okay, so I’m working things out. Maybe I don’t have to stay with the band. But I need time to talk to management and the label.”
“How much time, Nik? The tour is almost over, right?”
“Yeah, but then we’re thinking of doing a big media splash. Maybe if I transition slowly? Like one or two more songs before I leave? I don’t want to piss off the bigwigs, ya know? I want to do this right.”
“This is crazy, Nik.” James shook his head. His tone switched from sensuous croon to seriously pissed. “I feel like you don’t want to come home”
“Nikki!” I heard the most irritating voice on earth sing. Trent stumbled into the room.
James gripped my hips. “Thought you knew a secret place?” he mumbled while the band filed into the room.
Davey, Drew, and Ethan came over to slap James’s back.
“Good to see you, my man,” Davey greeted James. The drummer gave me a shit-eating grin. “Told you he still loves you.”
“You thought I didn’t love you?” James gave me an incredulous look. “You aren’t someone who I could easily fall out of love with.”
“Got that right,” Trent muttered. But in a small-ass room, it didn’t take much to hear anything. By the squeeze on my waist and hot breath on my neck, James had heard the obnoxious comment as well.
“Did you just say that shit in front of me?” James’s deep voice nearly growled.
I locked my knees around him before James could jump from the seat and cash in on the promise to break our lead singer’s hands.
“Chill, Trent.” Drew slapped the front man’s chest.
“Yeah, man, chill the fuck out,” Davey said, his voice hard and cold.
“’Scuse the fuck outta me, but this is our tour.” Trent’s voice was slurred. “And this is our room.” He waved his arms about. “I can do whatever I want.”
Was this how I sounded and acted when I was drunk?
Angie’s voice popped in my head. “Yes, dear. You aren’t exactly a walk in the park. Not to mention, you’re rude, obnoxious—”
“Shut up.” I cut her off.
“What?” James asked.
“Let’s go back to the motel.” I didn’t even want to try to explain how my subconscious had manifested as Angie and Denny.
James squeezed my neck. “I got us a room at the Hilton.”
I nuzzled his cheek. “Thank you, baby.”
“You used to call me baby,” Trent grumbled. This time, he wasn’t trying to be obnoxious. There was a thread of regret, jealousy.
I stood from James’s lap and grabbed his hand. I didn’t know what to say, but I felt sorry for Trent, despite his asshole ways.
“Well, um, catch you guys on the bus. Noon, right?”
“Noon,” Ethan whispered back, squeezing Monica tighter to his chest.
“Bet he doesn’t fuck you like I did.”
The air was sucked out of the room. All was quiet. My hands wrapped around James’s bicep, but I couldn’t stop him, couldn’t grip him tight enough. He crossed the small room and jabbed Trent twice in the jaw.
“James, stop it!” My voice was shrill, desperate.
At the sound of my voice, the guys unstuck from their seats and rushed into action. Davey grabbed James. Drew and Ethan dragged Trent to the corner of the room.
Julia, the band manager, rushed into the room. “What’s going on?”
“Nikki’s psycho husband just attacked me.” Trent rubbed his bruised jaw.
Julia’s blue and serious eyes scanned me and then James. “You both need to leave.”
“Not Nik.” Trent’s tone held a stubborn note. “The asshole beside her.”
“Oh, shut the hell up, Trent.” I turned around to face him. “You taunted my husband and you nearly got your ass beat. Be glad it wasn’t your hands. You need to man up and get over it.” I walked to his corner of the room and pointed my finger in his face. “Get. Over. Us.”
“Is this how it is?” James’s garbled voice grabbed my attention.
I turned to face James, took in his squeezed fists and heaving chest. I needed to get my man out of here. Pronto.