He tore his gaze away again, gritting his teeth.
“But Yhkon…” She softened her grasp on his wrist, then wrapped both her small hands around his clenched fist. “You have to let yourself keep living. Everyone, yourself most of all, seems to forget that you are still so young. You still have your whole life ahead of you. Live it. Enjoy it. You know she would want you to.” She squeezed his hand. “Let yourself be happy.”
Yhkon got to his feet, forcing her to release her grip. He was at the door before she had the opportunity to react. Only there did he finally face her again. “I was probably happy with my family in Sanonyn, before my mother died and my father left us. I was relatively happy in Zentyre with my siblings and my aunt, barely having enough food to eat, before Kaydor took all of them from me. And I was happy with Tessa, before he killed her.” There was a strange heat traveling up his spine, tightening his muscles and hardening his expression into a glare he knew she didn’t deserve. “Happiness has only ever been short lived for me, and always ended in greater pain than the last time. So explain to me, why I should even bother?” Without waiting for a reply, he flung the door open and left.
He heard hurried footsteps seconds before she caught up to him in the hallway, pushing something small and metallic into his hand. It was the ring he had given Tessa as an engagement gift. Delicate bands of silver, with a sparkling amethyst jewel carved in the likeness of her favorite Zentyren flower, the seeds of which had been his very first gift to her, before they’d started courting. The ring had cost him all the money he’d had at the time, as well as a little from Grrake. Her reaction had been worth every cent.
Dia closed his fingers around the ring. “You should bother because you deserve it, and whether or not you believe me, one day you’ll have it. Tessa loved you. Honor that by trying to find and share the joy she so desperately wanted to share with you.”
She gave him a final, compassionate smile, and left.
~♦~
Talea followed Jaylee through the barracks towards the office Yhkon’s visitor had been waiting in. When he hadn’t returned after a few minutes and the herb for pain Talea was on started wearing off, Jay had suggested they find him, so he could take her back to the palace.
They entered the hallway leading to the office just in time to see a middle-aged woman put something in his hand, smile at him sadly, and walk away. He stood statue still.
Confused and with a sense of worry, Talea moved a little closer, surprised he hadn’t heard their approach. “Yhkon?”
He jumped, spinning to face them. There was something vacant about his demeanor. And pain in his eyes. “I…” He flinched, gaze drifting and locking into a blank stare at nothing for a long moment. Then he just shook his head and started to back away, glancing at Jaylee without actually making eye contact. “Would you take her back, please? I have to…” He shook his head again. “I have to go.”
Talea’s mind told her to catch up to him, to see what was wrong, but her feet remained rooted in place as he rounded a corner and was gone. She was surprised by the pity she saw in Jaylee’s face as the young woman took her arm and started walking at an easy pace. “Let’s get you back,” was all she said.
Did she know something? “Do you know who that was?”
Jay frowned. “It was his fiance’s mother.” She looked up at the spot Yhkon had been a moment ago. “It might be a few days before either of us see much of him.”
20
Miracles and Nightmares
T alea’s head jerked up after the alarming sensation of falling, as she’d started to doze off in the saddle. Resettling herself, she tapped her fingers against her thigh in an attempt to keep herself awake. It didn’t help much, her eyes still losing focus as their lids slid downward, mind drifting…
“We’re almost there. Then you can get some real sleep.” Yhkon’s voice snapped her awake again. If he had difficulty staying awake as the trip had dragged them into the night and early morning, he didn’t show it. Which was hardly fair, since she knew that between the two of them, he got far less sleep as a general rule.
Then there was Jaylee. She did show her sleep deprivation—it took the form of her being even more energetic and playful than usual, which had long since left Yhkon tongue-tied with seething frustration. Jaylee had finally stopped pestering him, since he wasn’t making it very fun. Instead she and Tarol bantered on and off.
Fortunately, Yhkon was right—they arrived at the outpost within minutes. There was a single candle within, visible from the window. Otherwise, it was pitch black. A shiver traveled down her spine. Logically, it made sense that everyone would be inside, asleep. She knew it was entirely irrational to feel anxious at the silence.
Stopping their borrowed mount at the rail the other celiths were tied to—those that had survived the battle, at least, which included Eclipse—Yhkon dismounted and helped her down. Getting in and out of the saddle still brought a spasm of pain.
The four of them entered the outpost as quietly as possible. Someone was waiting for them, sitting in the main room with his elbows on his knees, hands clasped. Though his face was too shadowed to recognize, it looked like Grrake. Sure enough, he stood and moved closer, already starting to smile. He took Talea’s hand. “I can’t tell you how glad I am to see you. How are you feeling?”
She returned the smile, inwardly realizing how glad she was to see him, too. “Not too bad.”
After a friendly greeting to Tarol, he looked to Yhkon, and to her surprise as well as Yhkon’s, embraced him. Without saying anything, he turned to Jaylee. “Jaylee. Good to see you again, and good to have you with us.” He surprised Talea again, with the warmth of his greeting. Yhkon had sent a message weeks ago, of when approximately they would be returning and who their new Warden was. And naturally, it made sense that Grrake would have known Jaylee previously, as Yhkon had. By his manner, Grrake knew her better. “Come on.” He started toward the hallway, waving for them to follow. “You must be exhausted.” He led them down the hallway, opening one of the doors and gesturing Jay and Talea in. Inside, Terindi and Kae were asleep on the floor, with two extra beds beside them. “Sleep well,” he whispered, shutting the door behind them.
Talea swallowed, a twinge in her gut at the sight of her friends. She hadn’t even seen Kae during the battle. Yhkon had told her, of course, that everyone had survived. Everyone except Ahjul. Yet somehow…somehow it had been hard to believe him. Hard not to expect more death when she got back. And Terindi…well, the last she’d seen her, she had been lying on the ground, with Ahjul fighting desperately over her.
Jay’s hand on her shoulder made her jump. They silently crawled into the two beds waiting for them, managing to not wake even Terindi, who had always been a light sleeper. Talea’s body, stiff from long hours in the saddle and sleeping on the ground the last few nights, gradually relaxed. The ache in her stomach, a minor but ever-present reminder of the battle and its horrors, faded some. As exhausted as she was, though, her mind remained alert. To the slight creaking from Yhkon and Grrake’s footsteps, elsewhere in the building. The inaudible hum of their whispered conversation. Terindi and Kae’s steady breathing beside her, Jaylee’s quicker, apparently she hadn’t fallen asleep either.