Until they were back with the group and out of sight of the soldiers. Then Yhkon broke her grasp and instead took her by the wrist. “Excuse us a moment,” he said without even looking at the others, before hauling her around the corner for a more private…discussion. “Alright, Jay.” He pushed her against the wall, leaning in to block any chance of escape. “If you’re so desperate to be a Warden and gain my respect, you might start by earning it. Not by being reckless and disregarding my…” The thought drifted off. He was blank. “My uh...authority.” It was a feeble finish...because it was at that moment that he realized the position he’d put them into. Her against the wall. Him leaning over her, hands on the wall on either side of her head, enclosing her with his arms. Her face only inches from his.
No intimidation, no resentment in her countenance. That would have made it easy for him to simply back up and continue the conversation with a more appropriate distance between them. But instead, she was smiling. Not with her flirtatious charm or playfulness or pretend innocence…she looked eager. Those soft lips were slightly parted, those beautiful amber eyes fell as if magnetized to his mouth.
And he was left somewhere between inner terror and an overwhelming desire to kiss her.
If only she would look away, or flinch, or try to get past him. If only she would, in even the slightest of ways, discourage it. But she was inviting him in. Her hand touched his arm, sliding up to his shoulder. Clearly any resistance would have to come from him. Yet…he wasn’t sure he wanted to resist. He was leaning in, closing the gap between them. He could feel the warmth of her breath. The tingle of heat when her fingers found their way to his neck. The desire to move the final inches and kiss those waiting lips only grew, blocking out every other thought, making his heart pound against his ribs and warmth flush beneath his skin.
Only one thought managed to creep through, just before he would have given in: that four years ago, it had been Tessa’s blue eyes first gazing deep into his, before closing as they’d kissed.
Jaylee finally lifted her eyes back to his, a slight crease between her brows. “Yhkon,” she whispered, her tone imploring.
“No.” He started to pull away.
Her hand tightened on his shoulder as she tried to prevent him. “Why not?” She didn’t wait for a reply, continuing. “Because of Tessa? I know you loved her, I know you must miss her…but do you really think that means you can’t let yourself try for even a little happiness? Or let yourself get close to anyone?”
Yhkon shrugged out of her grip, putting a few feet of distance between them, forcing his expression to harden. So she knew about Tessa. Well, she didn’t know as much as she thought. “As if it were that simple. You probably see me as some challenge to be conquered. What, am I the last single man in Calcaria that hasn’t courted you?” He turned away, crossing his arms. Hating himself for the cringe, the hurt in her expression, that was surely coming.
Except it didn’t come. No cringe. She squared her shoulders and held his gaze, the amber of her eyes that had been so soft only moments ago now bright and fiery. “No, what you are is a man who seems to think that everyone is either only pretending to care about him, or will someday betray him. Who thinks that by being a recluse and abusing his friends, he’s being strong. Yhkon,” her voice became more gentle, as her head tilted, “can’t you even give me, or anyone for that matter, the chance to care about you? Do you really think there’s no possibility that you could ever be happy, if you would just…just, allow it to happen?”
He wanted to keep his rigid posture, his indifferent frown. To keep her out. But her words felt like a physical weight on his shoulders, straining the muscles and making it exhausting just to keep his head up. Because he’d been here before. He knew he could listen to what she was saying, he could open up and let her “help” him…and it probably would help, for awhile. Maybe he would be happy. He had been happy with Tessa for almost two years, and he had been whole.
But then she’d been taken from him.
“No,” he said again. Shook his head, without even realizing he was doing it. “I could, but I’m not going to. Let’s…let’s just go.” He started walking away. “We need to—”
Jaylee caught his hand before he made it far, forcing him to stop. “Yhkon! You can’t just turn everyone away. As far as I can tell, you’ve let one, maybe two people get close to you. Grrake and Talea. And don’t you think you’re better off for their friendship? Why can’t you give me that chance?”
He shoved her hand off with an oath. “Maybe because I know we’d probably be together for all of two weeks before you got bored with me and instead spent your charms on Resh, or some handsome Kaydorian!”
“Ouch,” she said dully, sounding more impatient than upset. “Alright, you know what, fine.” She gestured for him to continue walking. “Go ahead. Push me away too. But know two things. One, I am not going down easily. And two…” She narrowed her eyes, somehow one of the fiercest women he’d met, and still the beautiful, kind girl that had been so eager to kiss him. “If you want to pretend otherwise to me and everyone else, go ahead, but deep down you better know that it is not my problems preventing anything between you and me, it’s yours.”
She walked away. He had thought she would be the one left standing there, the one flinching at his words, the one finding it difficult to keep her head up. Somehow, the roles had been entirely reversed.
He followed mechanically, almost surprised to see Gustor, Talea, and Wylan waiting. He’d rather forgotten they were there. Gustor raised an eyebrow at him, stepping closer to say quietly, “I take it she won this round.”
Yhkon opened his mouth to reply, but changed his mind. Yes, she’d won. So he didn’t answer.
Gustor just nodded. “The sooner a man learns that he can never win an argument with a woman, the better.”
Jaylee stood with hands on hips and a relaxed smile, as if nothing had happened. “So, to this ice cream shop? I’m assuming you know where it is,” she directed it at Yhkon.
Of course. Because we wouldn’t want the day to get any easier. He should know where it was, he should know as much of Aydimor as possible, from visits there over the years to check on Amilyne, with extracting her someday in mind. The other Wardens did. They all had become as familiar as possible with every ward’s circumstances, not just their own.
But he hadn’t been in Aydimor for four years.
Every time they had come to check on Amilyne, Grrake had helped him find a way to avoid going into the city. He had offered to do the same this time, to go in his place. I should have let him.
Thankfully, Gustor saved him from having to answer. “We’ve seen it in passing. Let’s go.”
Not so thankfully, Jaylee still gave Yhkon a look that suggested she knew there had to be a reason why he hadn’t answered for himself. Well, let her mull it and figure it out and have more reasons to think he was in desperate need of her pity and love, let her try all the harder to fix him. There wasn’t much he could do to stop her. Might as well let her sympathy run its course. She would eventually realize she was wasting her time.
He kept pace with Gustor, both because if they were both leading it would look like he knew where they were going, and because he seemed the safest option to walk with.