“Don’t say that!”
“That’s why I’m determined to make the most of every day I have.” He set the bottle on the floor again and cupped her face in his hands. “My leave is nearly over. Can’t we share one precious night of happiness together?”
“You mean sleep with you?”
He nodded. Eve couldn’t deny the passion she felt for him, burning bright and hot like the coals in the fireplace. She imagined her joy in being engulfed in each other’s arms, each other’s love. So many people already had died in this war, and who knew if she and Alfie would survive it? Why not give this last night to each other? Oh, how she longed to! And yet she couldn’t. She shook her head. Tears slid down her face as she tried to explain. “All I have is myself, Alfie. I can’t give that to you or to any man unless I know I’m getting all of him in return. It wouldn’t be a fair exchange. I would give you everything—and I’d have nothing.”
“It wouldn’t be like that.”
“You just told me that you love something else more than you love me. You admitted that I don’t have all of your heart.”
“Eve, listen—”
“I need to go to bed, Alfie. I’m returning to London tomorrow.” She wiggled out of his embrace and stood. “I’m going to believe that you’ll change. That you’ll find yourself and choose love in the end, not money. For now, it’s enough to know that you do love me, even if I take second place in your heart.”
He grabbed her hand to stop her. “Will you be at Mother’s funeral tomorrow with Audrey and me?”
“I can’t. My mum died because of her. I already told Audrey I wasn’t coming. She understands. You need to be with her, Alfie, not me. She loves you so much. You’re all she has. Please be good and kind to her. Don’t start drinking until you get back to your Army base.”
“So we’re saying goodbye now?”
“Not goodbye—until next time.” She bent and wrapped her arms around him, kissing him as if it were the last time, praying it wouldn’t be. “I’m going to write to you every chance I get, even if you hardly ever write back. I love you so much, Alfie.”
He didn’t try to follow her as she crossed to the door. She turned for one last glimpse of him and saw him lift the bottle to his lips.
Audrey rose before dawn and dressed quickly. Eve was leaving early this morning, and there were things she wanted to say to her. Things she needed to say. She found Eve down in the basement kitchen having a cup of tea.
“You’re up early,” Eve said.
“I want to drive you to the train station.”
Eve shook her head. “Thanks, but I would rather walk. I need time to think . . . and to say goodbye to this place.”
Audrey sat down beside her on a wooden chair. “I’m so sorry for the selfish choices my mother made. I know my words can’t change anything, but I am truly sorry. Please, stay here at Wellingford with me for a while, Eve. You need to get away from the madness in London and take time to grieve. We both need—”
“I’m not going to run away and hide in the country.”
“That’s not what I meant. Just stay for a few days and—”
“We’re very different, Audrey. Your reaction is to scurry back to safety. Mine is to fight!”
Audrey wanted to deny it but knew Eve was right. “I pleaded with Mother to come to Wellingford, where it was safe, but she refused.”
Eve didn’t seem to hear her as she stared at her empty teacup. “War has taken everyone—first Daddy and now Mum. I have no one left. At least you still have your father and Alfie.”
“Oh, Eve.”
“Well, I’m fighting back! I’ve been thinking about it for a while, but now my mind is made up. I’m enlisting.”
“I thought you already were volunteering.”
Eve waved her hand as if canceling Audrey’s words. “I sit beside a telephone for the fire service. It isn’t enough! I’m going to join the ATS and drive an ambulance or a lorry or . . . or something! I’m not going to sit in an office and type all day, then huddle in a shelter all night. I need to fight!”
Anger stirred inside Audrey, too. Her mother was dead, her town house in ruins. If Alfie and Eve could do their bit, then she could, too. Passing out blankets and bandaging cuts no longer seemed like enough. She could be courageous with Eve beside her. “I’ll enlist with you.”
“Ha! That I’d like to see!”
Audrey could forgive Eve’s disdain. Her grief was speaking.
“I mean it, Eve. I don’t want to sit in Wellingford Hall all alone until the war ends.”
“If it ever does.”
“We’ve both lost our mothers. We both should fight back. Together. Like we did at Dover during the evacuation. And you aren’t all alone, Eve. You still have me. And Alfie.”
Eve stared at her for a long moment. Then she pulled Audrey into her arms and they wept together. “I’m sorry, Audrey . . . I’m so sorry for the things I said . . .”
“Never mind. We’ll get through this together. We’ll grieve together. From now on we’re sisters. We’ll stay together no matter what. In the good times and the bad. Until the war ends—and forever after that.”
“I can’t imagine an ‘after.’”
“I can’t either. But whatever happens, Eve, we’ll face it together.”
Eve’s mind raced with all of the things she needed to do as she walked to the village train station. Unless Audrey changed her mind, they would enlist together in the Army’s Auxiliary Territorial Service next week. In the meantime, Eve needed to resign from her job at the ministry and as a fire service volunteer, pack her meager belongings, and say goodbye to her flatmates.
The train arrived, crowded with men in uniform. If only the Army would let women fight with real guns and weapons. Eve would be fearless like her daddy had been. After all, she had nothing left to lose.
She was still thinking about her daddy as the train chugged into Victoria Station in London, and mourning the loss of his photograph in the rubble of the town house. Granny Maud’s picture of the Good Shepherd had also been destroyed along with any faith Eve might have had in Him. The ARP wardens promised she would be allowed to pick through the ruins but she wasn’t hopeful of finding anything.
Eve had planned to take the Underground to her flat, but she rode to the Westminster station instead. Big Ben chimed the half hour as she emerged into the cold daylight and crossed busy Bridge Street to Westminster Abbey.
She felt alone in the vast hall as she made her way to the Unknown Warrior’s grave. She gazed down at the dark slab, dry-eyed, emptied of tears.
“You’re all together now, Daddy,” she murmured. “You, Granny Maud, and Mum.”
She’d visited this grave often since moving to London and always sensed that her daddy was near, that he was listening. But not today. Today, the grave was merely a black marker in the middle of the vast stone floor. She was alone.
15
ATS MOTOR TRANSPORT TRAINING CENTER, DECEMBER 1940