I dropped my hands with a click of my tongue. “Yep. I told him it was fine.”
“Reagan, that is not the correct response to a dick pic. Preston sent me one last week, and I told him to fuck off.” Halley rearranged a few books. “Nobody likes dick pics.”
“You’re forgetting who you’re talking to,” Ava said and turned to me. “Didn’t you once ask for a dick pic when you were on that dating app?”
“Yeah, but they banned me.” I paused. “To be honest, I asked because he looked like he had a small one, and those guys can be deceiving. Plus, this guy is really nice.”
“You’re still texting him?”
“Yeah. He thanked me for being cool about it because most girls wouldn’t be. I told him how to get a better angle and asked why he was sending it.”
“Oh, hell,” Ava muttered.
It was a bit crazy when I laid it out like that.
“So are you, like, friends now?” Halley asked, putting the now-empty cart off to the side.
“No. I have no idea what his name is.” I made a show of examining my nails. “I didn’t give him mine, either. No idea what he looks like or who he is.”
The eyes of both my best friends were trained on me, and I knew exactly what they were thinking.
I’d lost my marbles.
It wasn’t outside the realm of possibility.
“I know people think Halley is the weird one here, but you are really quite strange,” Ava said slowly, drawing her brows together in a frown.
“Hey!”
“Yeah, no, she’s right.” Halley raised her eyebrows. “So what are you going to do? Just keep texting this nameless, faceless, unknown man with the relatively nice dick until…”
“Until I get bored, I guess. That, or I have a one-night stand with him and recognize his cock.” I shrugged. I’d thought last night was the end of our chat, but he’d texted me this morning to wish me a nice day. “He’s a nice guy. We actually have a bit in common.”
We took the stairs in single file, avoiding the stream of teens who were headed to study.
“Hey,” Ava said brightly when we reached the bottom.
“What?” I asked.
“Have you considered that we might know the guy whose penis that is?”
I was pretty sure I’d remember those tattoos, but what if they were new? What if I’d just never paid attention to tattoos on anyone I’d met before? I could have passed him in a coffee shop and never known.
“No,” I said firmly. “No, no, no, no. I’m not going to believe that. Ava, why would you do that to me?”
She shrugged, but her eyes were full of mischief. “It just occurred to me. I mean, who is he? Is he even legal? Is he young and hot? Or is he the limping janitor at the high school?”
I was going to throw up.
Halley laughed and turned around. “I am so glad I didn’t look at that picture.”
“No, no, no.” I was muttering to myself at this point. “No!”
Halley’s lips curved and she met my eyes. “You’re just gonna have to ask him, aren’t you?”
“Fine. I’ll do it right now. He is not the limping janitor from the high school!” I yanked my phone out of my pocket, opened our message chat, and hit the reply box.
ME: By the way, who the hell are you?
“There. Done.” I showed them the screen once more before putting my phone away again. “As soon as I get an answer, I’ll let you know.”
“I can’t wait,” Halley drawled. “Are we still going out on Friday?”
“If by going out you mean ordering pizza and vegging on my sofa, yes,” I replied. “Preston feeds the raccoons now. You can have a night off.”
She frowned. “He has a weird friendship with Boris. I caught him searching for a big old branch for him the other day and he refused to speak about it.”
Ava smirked. “Maybe he’s teaching Boris how to be faithful to Betty after the stuffed raccoon incident.”
Halley paused, then shivered. “We will never speak of that again. I still can’t look at the damn thing without getting mental replays of his little ass going like the clappers.”
“Neither can we,” I say dryly. “Since you showed us the videos.”
“Preach that,” Ava muttered.
***
It’d been two days since I’d texted Dick Guy and I’d had no response to me asking who he was.
It was fine.
It wasn’t the end of the world. It was Friday, it was girls’ night, and all I had to do was get through the last few hours of work and I could drink as many margaritas as I wanted because I didn’t have to work tomorrow.
Cue fireworks.
All right, it wasn’t fine.
Realistically, I knew that there was a slim chance our paths could cross in real life. Logic dictated that if he was matching with women who lived in South Carolina, he lived there or thereabouts.
And Creek Falls, South Carolina, was where I happened to live.
Part of me wanted to know who he was, and the rest of me wanted to never speak to him again. Unfortunately for me, the curious part of me was pretty strong and persuasive.
Which was why it was super annoying that he hadn’t replied and told me his name.
I mean, I’d seen his penis.
Erect.
The least he could do was tell me his name.
That was common courtesy.
At least when these images came on the internet, you knew what to call a guy.
I served a huge bouquet of roses to a guy who had ‘I’m About To Propose’ written all over his face. I handed him back his credit card with a few words of encouragement, which seemed to calm him a little.
He was followed by a young woman who screamed ‘Someone Just Died’ who asked for my help in picking an appropriate bouquet for her grieving boss. We picked a selection of lilies, hydrangeas, and a few roses in shades of white and cream, and I packaged them up with an appropriate card for her.
The rest of the day went much the same way. It was a steady stream of people until around half an hour before closing when I made a start on the behind-the-scenes jobs.
By six-thirty, I was leaving the store, safe in the knowledge it was ready for my mom to run tomorrow.
I drove back to my apartment in silence. The day had been hectic from the get-go, and my head was pounding from all the times the goddamn bell had rung today.
I had to get the damn thing replaced.
I fucking hated it.
I pulled up in my designated parking spot and cut the engine. I had a feeling the girls would already be here since they both had a key and got off work before I did. Still, I needed a minute to breathe in the silence of my car, so I pulled my phone out of my bag with every intention of scrolling the news.
It was always good to keep up on the daily bullshit.
I didn’t make it that far.
Dick Guy had replied.
DICK GUY: Sorry. I’ve been working a shit load this week. I’m headed back in soon. My name is Noah.
“Noah.” I rolled his name around on my tongue. It was a pretty hot name. It figured that the tattooed guy with the nice penis had a hot name.
ME: Don’t worry. I get it. I just got off work, too.
He was obviously around, because he replied instantly.