“One for just you two and Rie and ’lois.”
She nodded. “I dream of that, for one day. But for now, I can deal with this one. It’s a blessing.”
“Even with all these people traipsing in and out of your bedroom to go down to wash or get to their room?”
Dee laughed. “Well, I’ve got to admit Robert is getting pretty tired of that. Me too. But Robert is about to take care of that. He’s going to rebuild that broken set of stairs that leads from the basement washroom to the backyard. He and Christopher-John and Clayton already put in a sink and toilet and a small shower down there, so the boys don’t have to come through our room to use the bathroom.”
“I don’t know how you’ve stood it this long,” I said. “I know Flynn and I certainly wouldn’t have put up with all this traffic.”
Dee scooped up another big spoonful of chicken salad to spread, then paused to look at me. “You know, Cassie, that’s the first time you’ve mentioned Flynn since the day you arrived.”
I hesitated. “I don’t talk about him . . . because I can’t.”
Dee sighed. “Well, maybe I’d feel that way too if something happened to Rob. But like we all told you that first night, you can always talk to us, to me, your brothers.”
“I know.”
Dee stopped with the sandwiches and looked at me. “Robert’s really worried about you.” I was silent. “They all are.”
I took up the next sandwich. “I know. But, Dee, I still can’t talk about him.”
Dee nodded in understanding and spread the chicken salad across another slice of bread.
* * *
◆ ◆ ◆
When Moe first saw me after my return, he expressed words of sympathy. “I know you said you don’t want to talk about it, Cassie, about what happened to your husband, but if you ever want to, I’ll always listen.” Later, as the weeks passed, he said, “I know it’s probably too soon, but when you’re ready, Cassie . . . I want you to know I’m here . . . waiting.”
“Waiting? For what, Moe?”
“For you to be my wife.”
I looked at Moe, unbelieving, and shook my head. “Don’t. Don’t wait, Moe, not for me. You find yourself somebody else to love.” Moe started to speak, but before he could, I held up my hands and repeated, “I mean it, Moe. I don’t want to talk about this. Don’t wait for me. I don’t plan to marry again.” Then I turned and walked away. There was no point in trying to tell him, to tell any of them, that there could never be another man like Flynn in my life. There could never be, and I didn’t want any other.
* * *
◆ ◆ ◆
“Have you decided what you’re going to do?” Stacey asked. It was a Saturday afternoon and we were the only two seated at the kitchen table. Clayton and Rachel were out, the Davis boys too. Dee’s cousins, Verlene and Mayetta, had moved on to Chicago, and Dee had taken the girls shopping downtown. The house was quiet.
“Decided about what?”
“Your life.”
I smiled. “Oh, that. No.”
“Don’t you think it’s time you did? If you’re going to stay here in Toledo, you can get a teaching job. Your certificate should still be good. Maybe you ought to go ahead and apply.”
“Stacey, you know how I feel about teaching.”
“Then what do you want to do?”
“That’s just it. I really don’t know. A year ago when I left here I had my life pretty much figured out. I was pregnant. I was going back to Flynn. I was going to have our baby and make a life with him. I wrapped my whole head around that. Now there’s nothing.” I glanced over at Stacey, who just looked at me. “I suppose I’ll have to get a teaching job. I’ll have to support myself some way.”
“When are you planning on going home?”
“I’m not ready yet.”
“You need to go, you know. They’re worried about you too.” Stacey paused. “I never met Flynn, just talked to him a couple times on the phone, but from what you told me about him, I think he’d want you to go. Cassie, I know you miss him. If I was in your place, I know I’d be going crazy if something happened to Dee.” He studied me, and his voice was full of caring. “I think going home will help you with your healing.”
I sighed. “Mama and Papa and Big Ma will be asking me the same questions you’re asking and, Stacey, I don’t have answers for them.”
“Maybe they can help you figure some things out. They’re pretty good at that.”
“I guess, but they might want me to stay there.”
“And that’s not what you want either?”
“What? Move back to Mississippi?” I laughed. “You crazy? I don’t think so!”
Stacey rose from the table. “Well, whenever you make up your mind to go, let me know. I’ll drive you down.” He headed for the dining room, then turned back. “Oh, by the way, I ran into Lawyer Tate today at the barbershop. He asked about you. Asked what you were doing. Told me to tell you to come by his office. He’d like to see you.”
“He did? Why?”
“Don’t know. Just told me he wanted to talk to you. He knows a lot of people, Cassie. Maybe he can give you a lead on a job.”
“Maybe,” I agreed. “I’ll go see him next week.”
* * *
◆ ◆ ◆
“How have you been doing, Cassie?” asked Lawyer Tate as he ushered me to a chair. He did not sit at his desk, but in a chair opposite me. “I was sorry to hear about your husband.”
“Thank you, Mr. Tate. I’m doing all right.”
“Well, so you’re back in Toledo. Does that mean you’re here to stay?”
“I’m back here because my family is here. Whether or not I’m going to stay, I don’t know yet.”
“Why not stay in California? It’s a mighty pretty place, state of opportunity, so they say.”
My voice went low as I replied. “I couldn’t stay there.”
“He was never here in Toledo, was he? Your husband?”
“No, he wasn’t.” I lowered my eyes, then looked directly at Lawyer Tate. “Mr. Tate, was that why you wanted to see me? To talk about my husband? I’ll tell you right now, I don’t want to talk about him.”