As the days went on, our moment of triumph faded. Miles was no better, and I spent the next night listening to him cough while the other passengers grumbled about the noise. The day after, he was a little better and I slept for several hours after Dmitri promised he’d wake me if I was needed.
More days passed and we stopped at a station that actually had food, though we spent far too much money on it. Dmitri rinsed his hair under a pump and most of the paint came out, leaving only a few faint tinges of red. He hadn’t had a chance to shave, and with each day he looked less and less like a count from Petrograd and more like an adventurer of some sort. I liked the look except I didn’t like the scratchiness of his face when I leaned my head against him as we dozed.
When Miles pointed out we had to be getting close to the border, the twins and Stepan grew so excited they could hardly sit still, wanting to be the first to spot the crossing. I finally told them it would be at least another day and they settled down, keeping themselves amused with talking about the ship we’d take to America.
That night, when everyone around us was asleep, Dmitri kissed me until I thought I was going to just melt into him. I clung to him, wanting the night to go on and on. At some point I fell asleep and dreamed we were back in our house and people were pounding on the doors and breaking the windows. I tried to scream for them to go away, but they wouldn’t stop.
“Lottie, Lottie.” I woke up to find Dmitri shaking me gently. “You’re having a bad dream,” he said. He put his arms back around me. “Go back to sleep now.”
I may have imagined it, but as I drifted off I thought he was singing to me, so softly it was almost a whisper. Fly, my horses, at the gallop / to my dear, you know the way! / Fly, my horses, fly at the gallop / to my dear one’s house, you know the way.
Early the next morning, I was almost awake when I heard a terrible screeching sound, so loud it made my ears hurt, and then all of a sudden the car was tipping and everything and everyone was tumbling. Sophie was right next to me, so I grabbed her as she cried out. I was so groggy with sleep I didn’t understand what was happening until the car tipped all the way over on its side, Stepan landed on both of us with a thud, and my head hit the wall. I heard screams and cries and Nika calling for me.
“We’ve derailed!” someone shouted. I saw Dmitri’s face in front of mine. He had a cut on his forehead and blood was pouring out, dripping down on me. “I’ve got Nika,” he said. “Are you all right?” He lifted Stepan off me. Stepan wasn’t crying, but his face was so white I thought he might faint.
I remembered to breathe. “I’m all right, I think. Where are Miles and Hap?” I looked around and felt the panic rising in me. Why didn’t I see them?
“Here,” Hap called, already shifting baggage around and reaching out a hand to help Miles up. Miles didn’t look hurt from what I could see, but then he turned to one side and threw up.
“Where’s Musya?” Nika cried.
“She’s here,” Dmitri said. “Still in her basket.” The kitten had its claws dug into the wicker like it never intended to let go. It looked up at us and blinked its eyes.
Sophie sobbed in relief and grabbed the basket.
I managed to stand up. “We need to get out of here so I can put a bandage on your head,” I said to Dmitri. Dmitri put his hand to his forehead as if just realizing he was bleeding.
Hap moved over to the door and helped people climb through, encouraging them to move along so everyone could get out. I took along one of the bags, which had an extra petticoat of mine. I could tear it up and use it for bandages.
Once we were outside, I stood still, trying to understand what I was seeing. It was as if we were looking at a battle scene.
“We’re lucky we didn’t have a working stove,” Dmitri said grimly. Two of the cars ahead of us were on fire, and there were people being helped off who I could see had been burned. The panic bubbled up again but I pushed it down. I was a nurse. I could help them. I had to concentrate on the task at hand.
I ripped off a piece of the petticoat and handed it to Dmitri. “Hold this to your head,” I said. “I have to help the others.”
I moved among the people, trying to help those who were hurt, but besides bandaging there wasn’t much I could do except urge people to keep the injured victims warm so they wouldn’t go into shock. I was relieved to find that another nurse had been aboard, and she and I set a woman’s broken arm. Some of the men took charge of the dead, putting them close to the engine and covering them with donated blankets. I didn’t want to know how many there were.
I kept repeating to myself, Keep to the task at hand, though some of the burns were so horrific it was hard to keep my voice calm when I tried to comfort the victims.
I finally took a break to check on the others and found them back in the tipped-over car. Some of the other passengers had rearranged their belongings and were sitting on what was now the floor, huddled together to keep warm. I saw tracks in the snow as if some had started to walk to safety but then turned back.
“We can’t just wait here,” I said to Dmitri. “Some of the injured need to get to a hospital.”
“Someone is going to have to come clear the tracks of the damaged cars or no trains are going to get through,” Dmitri said. He looked over at Sophie and Nika and Stepan, who were playing with the kitten. He lowered his voice. “The engineer is among the dead, but some men set off for help. They said the next station is only a few miles ahead.”
Shouts came from outside. Hap jumped up and moved to the door. “It’s Cossacks,” he called.
My heart skipped a beat. “That might be a problem,” I said, trying to stay calm. The Cossacks had always been a mystery to me, sometimes bloodthirsty and violent in carrying out the czar’s orders, especially during the pogroms, and sometimes acting as the most disciplined of soldiers. I had no idea where their loyalties lay with the czar imprisoned.
“No, I think they’ve come to help,” Hap said. “They’re carrying supplies.”
There were dozens of them, and they were indeed there to help, lighting campfires and sharing food. I went back to helping the wounded and didn’t realize how many hours had passed until I heard the sound of a train chugging toward us.
The passengers took up a cheer. I watched the train draw closer and saw men leaning out the windows. They were all in uniform, and they were all wearing red bands.
Dmitri came up beside me.
“I didn’t know the Bolsheviks had moved this far east,” I said.
“It’s probably mostly political prisoners who were freed from the Siberian prisons. Word has spread and they’re organizing everywhere. And I’m sure some of them are former army who deserted months ago to go home.”
I wrapped my arm in his. “It doesn’t matter. They won’t be looking for any aristocrats from Petrograd, and you look like a regular person now anyway.”
The train came to a stop and the soldiers poured out of it. The passengers fell silent. The leader, who had red bands around both arms, moved among the crowd, followed by two men who acted as if they were his bodyguards.
My hands began to sweat. I didn’t like the looks of them. The leader stopped a man, and though I couldn’t hear what he said, the passenger got out a paper and handed it to him. The other soldiers had spread out and were walking around looking at everyone. I knew they were trying to determine who might have money or valuables.