Attack at night? She could see the logic of his proposition, but her insides trembled with fear. She was too weak to fight the real warriors. The castle walls would protect her.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Konnor said. “I can see it in your eyes. You’re wrong. The walls will only slow them down. The element of surprise is what will win you this battle.” He looked up at Malcolm. “Do you know how many men they’ve brought?”
“Nae. The lads who were scouting will tell us.”
“But how many do you think?” Konnor said.
“A hundred at least. ‘Tis how many they need for a siege.”
“That’s double the men we have. Marjorie, you’ve been preparing them and training them, and you’re more than ready. We need to attack now. Surprise them.”
“But we’ve been preparing the castle all this time…”
“And the walls will keep you safe here. I’ll go with your warriors to surprise the enemy. I know you’re a fierce warrior, and I’m sure you can take down any MacDougall foolish enough to get close to you, but I will die before I let anyone harm you. I swear.”
Let them go without her? Surely she was stronger than that?
But the idea of facing the MacDougalls in the open covered her skin in goose bumps. She remembered rock-hard arms around her waist, beating her hands and legs helplessly, the hard bounce of the horse’s withers against her stomach. Marjorie’s whole body went cold. What if it happened again?
Worse—what if it happened to Colin?
Marjorie’s stomach tightened, and she shook her head. “But I canna leave my men… Ye can barely hold a sword!”
“Marjorie,” Konnor said. “I can do this. This is the best chance we got. Run through them like a knife through butter while they’re sure you’d never dare.”
He took her face in both of his hands.
“I’ll take a few of your men at attack the MacDougalls tonight, before they can reach the castle. That way their numbers will be depleted. Maybe we’ll even scare them off.”
She cried, tears dropped quicker and thicker than the rain.
“Nae. I canna have ye risk yer life for me. I need to be there, too.”
She should be strong. After all those years of training she couldn’t sit behind the walls again. She should be strong. If anyone should get revenge, it should be her.
“You need to stay here, Marjorie,” he said, his voice like steel. “Your safety is the priority—yours and Colin’s. I won’t let you endure any sort of violence…I won’t let the MacDougalls touch a hair on your head again. Do you hear me?”
It would be so easy to just say yes, to let him fight her battle. To tell herself she had Colin to think about, and there were still preparations to be made here in the castle, stakes to be made and put in place, swords to be sharpened.
Taking her silence as agreement, Konnor leaned down and kissed her—a quick peck on her lips.
He looked up at Malcolm. “Let’s go. Pick your best men. We go as soon as everyone’s ready.”
She watched them go, and her heart thumped like a fist. What was she doing? She should go and tell them she was coming, too, take her sword and put on her armor, and finally let her claymore drink some enemy blood.
But the walls looked familiar and secure. And as she thought about the hands grabbing her, panic gripped her whole body in vicious vise.
No. She’d stay here. At least, she’d be safe.
She watched Malcolm gather the men—he took about twenty of them. They stood in the darkness of the night courtyard, in the rain, their swords and the small chains of their mail coifs glistening dully in the light of the torches. Malcolm was barking instructions and the men listened to him carefully. Konnor did, too.
Marjorie stood on the wall looking down at them, her heart thumping. Coward. Coward. Coward. These men would go and risk their lives for her and for Colin. Konnor would.
Konnor! Who wasn’t from her clan, or even from her time.
Tamhas appeared by her side, rain dripping from his rare stubble.
“’Tis a smart move, mistress,” he said. “I’m glad ye’re nae going with them. I’ll stay with ye and make sure ye’re safe.”
She gritted her teeth and almost felt them crumble. She wanted to say she didn’t need his protection.
The gates opened, and the men poured out into the blackness of the night. Konnor looked up, and even in the dark, his eyes found hers. A wave of something washed through her—tenderness, warmth, and longing. He touched his forehead with his index and middle finger and made a short gesture forward with his hand… It looked like some sort of military salutation, probably from the future. Or a goodbye.
Tamhas kept talking about her safety, her protection, Colin’s wellbeing, loyalty, and some other things she couldn’t even register in her mind. She watched Konnor’s silhouette go farther and farther into the distance beyond the walls until he dissolved into the darkness completely, as well as the other men.
“I ken ye’re impressed by him, but I’ve been with ye yer whole life. I’ll die for ye, mistress. I’ve kent ye since we were children…”
She kept staring out into the night. She didn’t know how much time passed, but it felt like Tamhas went on forever. What if she never saw them again? What if she’d just sent Konnor, Malcolm, Muir, and almost two dozen men to their deaths?
What was she doing?
She was letting herself be weak. Once again, she was the lass that had been assaulted and beaten and broken, even though every single day for the last twelve years, she’d fought with herself—for herself. She’d fought for her honor and for her life.
And most importantly, she’d fought for hope.
She’d never felt such deep despair as when she’d been a captive in the MacDougall’s castle. When she’d started training, she hadn’t realized it, but every time she’d swung her sword imagining an enemy, she’d fought for her future. For the hope of recovering the lass she’d been before the nightmare that changed her.
And now, if she sat and waited and let others fight her battles, she’d never get a chance for that. She’d never be the strong warrior she wanted to be. She’d never be a good example for Colin.
She’d never have hope for a better future—not just for her, but for other lasses and women of her clan.
It was enough. Tonight, she would finally fight a real battle for the first time. It was time to rise.
“I’m going with them,” she threw across her shoulder to Tamhas, and without waiting for him, she hurried towards the tower and her chamber to put on her armor so she could give the MacDougalls what they deserved.
Chapter 23
Konnor crouched behind a pine and watched the mostly sleeping camp. The rain was pouring down now, drumming against the leaves and grass. Many of the warriors slept in tents, hiding away from the weather. Sentinels sat by the fires burning here and there, huddling in their coats. The noisy, heavy rain, although wet and unpleasant, were another thing on their side.
Someone crouched next to him, and he looked to his side.
Marjorie!
“What are you doing here?” he hissed.