They looked over their shoulder, toward the next compartment, where Baker worked and muttered at the system under her breath. When they looked back, their eyes held a fondness that Layth hadn’t noticed before. “We are friends, Layth. You would have to try and break that, actively. You do understand you’re allowed to care about other people, right? That you could have more than one friend?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. If he was honest, it took April announcing that they were friends in the first place for him to recognize the relationship. Sometimes he wished the world offered better ways to identify interpersonal states. When acquaintance became friendship, or when a romance had started. Sadly, it all too often felt like a guessing game. “That’s why I wanted to talk to you. It’s not like I have a lot of role models for what a healthy friendship looks like.”
“There are more than you think. You are more than you think. You spend all your time wrapped up in your scars, but you never look at your strengths. Tea?” The engineer unfolded and drifted to the heating station to warm two bags without waiting for an answer. When Layth nodded, they lobbed one of the bags toward him gently.
He plucked it out of the air and mixed in the cream and sugar before taking a sip. “Having feelings for her is dangerous.”
“Why do you think that?” April hooked their feet under a rail to stop drifting while they drank.
Layth paused, evaluating his responses and trying to decide how to answer. “Because she’s not a member of the crew?”
“Neither was Tyler, until Barr brought her aboard. But that shouldn’t matter, regardless. If anything, finding a relationship with the crew is dangerous.” They checked over their shoulder for Baker again before continuing. “There’s an old saying, about defecating in the same place you eat.”
Before he had time to formulate a response, April continued. “I’m just giving you my opinion, of course, so take it however you wish. With that caution, the fact she’s leaving is only an excuse if you want it to be. A temporary relationship is not lesser just because it’s short. And if you’re not sure you want it to be temporary, then it seems like even more reason for you to chase after it. The worst thing that happens is you create some pleasant memories, and then go your separate ways.”
“Technically, that’s not the worst thing that could happen.” Layth took another drink of the tea but couldn’t taste it. “For starters, there’s no guarantee they’ll be happy memories.”
“All the more reason to keep it short term, then.” April grinned. “Seriously, though. Don’t let your fear stand in the way of potential happiness. If it’s a thing you think you want to pursue, then you should. I like the idea of you being happy.”
Layth sat with his thoughts for a while, finishing his tea in silence. After he tossed the empty bag into the recycler, he smiled at Layth. “Should I ask if you follow your own advice, or only gift it to others?”
The slight blush on the engineer’s cheeks was unmistakable. “I’m better in an advisory position. Believe me.”
He squeezed the engineer’s shoulders. “Think about it. You should be happy too.”
They nodded, and Layth drifted back toward the ladder leading to the main portion of the Sentinel. To be fair, April hadn’t said anything he hadn’t already considered himself. It was nice to hear the confirmation, however. Now he just needed to have the courage enough to go through with it.
Meja should never have mentioned Burbidge.
Except that wouldn’t have been fair either; it would have been worse to have Layth discover after the fact there was a chance he might see the family he’d left behind, and she refused to be the person who caused him that sort of pain.
Now, after not seeing him for two full days? She regretted her moment of moral clarity. She couldn’t take it back, but she promised herself if she saw him again, she’d find a way to make things right.
She tugged out her omnidevice and tried to come up with a plan for when she got planetside. She had to operate on the assumption it would be just her, given the way Layth had avoided her. It reduced her likelihood of being able to breeze in, but perhaps someone on the ship had a way to forge a pit lane pass for her. Race day morning in the prep area would be her best bet, when the majority of the see-and-be-seens flocked to the track, eager to carve out their ten minutes with one of the vid-operators covering the event. It made the whole thing feel like a mix between sporting and a red-carpet gala.
She scooped Bennet off the floor and flopped onto her bed with the cat in her arms. Rather than panic at the sudden movement, Bennet flattened herself against Meja’s chest and purred loudly, and the cat butted against her chin until Meja begin petting her with long, heavy strokes. “I know, I can’t pick sides, but you’re definitely my favorite, Bee.” She nuzzled as she continued her false-conspiratorial whisper. “Don’t tell your sibs.”
The knock on her door surprised her, and she sat up. Bennet meowed angrily as the cat got dumped to one side in the process. Meja checked the location of all three cats, then opened the door. The hall outside had cycled its lights to evening, the only concession the ship’s crew seemed to make to time. Layth stood slightly back from the open door, checking at her feet for any escaping felines.
His dark hair was a rumpled mess, like he’d been running his fingers through it for the last two days. It gave him a cute, disheveled appearance, like he’d just gotten out of bed. And that thought sent her tired libido wandering off down a winding path she really didn’t have time for.
“You look vaguely familiar,” she said at last. “Have we met?” Apparently, making things right involved snark.
His grin was self-deprecating, but honest. “Yeah, sorry about that. May I come in?”
She glanced behind her and counted cats again—still three, which was a good sign—and stepped back from the door. “It’s your ship.”
“Technically, it’s the captain’s ship. And Hicks’s. Everyone else came after.” He closed the door behind him and made his own count of the cats in the room. “I’m afraid one day I’ll count and there’ll be four.”
She sat in the middle of her bed, ceding the rest of the room to him, and laughed. “That would be impressive, given none of them have the equipment for such a thing.”
“Cats are supposed to be magic.” He shrugged. “I want to apologize.”
The change in topic would have made her head spin had it not also knifed neatly through the tension filling the room around her. She hadn’t been able to decide if they were going to pretend to ignore it, or if she was supposed to broach the subject. She appreciated his taking the lead for a change.
“I’ve been avoiding you because I’ve needed to figure something out. It was wrong of me for a lot of reasons, but the simplest one is that I was being petty and confused. If it felt like I removed my support or isolated you, it wasn’t my intent.”
“I was hardly in solitary confinement.” She reached out a hand and he took it, his touch timid, as though he expected her to pull away. “I saw Hicks every day. And I had meals with most of the crew. If anyone was isolated, it was you. I did wonder if you were mad at me though.”