She broke the kiss to rest her forehead against his, gasping softly. “Do you think there are any hotel rooms available near the spaceport?”
He smiled, kissing her again as he opened the door. “There’s only one way to find out.”
Epilogue
Sand and gravel crunched under his feet as Layth walked to the water’s edge. Finding a private spot on Kanaloa was difficult, but at least in the early morning few people crowded the beaches. A handful of sunrise watchers, some of whom had clearly been celebrating since it set the night before. He took a deep breath and reached into his pocket, the scrap of worn fabric still there. Waiting, as always.
He pulled the patch out and really studied it, tried to remember the last time he’d done so. The name tape was stained with grease, sweat, and God knew what else, darkening the cloth from its original light gray. The black embroidered letters had frayed some but remained largely intact, J. BLACKSHEAR still perfectly legible despite all the times he’d rubbed his thumb over them.
Pain caught in his ribs but he pushed through it. He could do this. His vision blurred. “We always talked about coming to Kanaloa together, Jayme. I’m sorry, this wasn’t how I’d planned it.”
Rocks crunched behind him, Meja’s voice quiet. “Would you rather be alone?”
His heart warmed despite the early-morning chill. Just having her nearby gave him strength; the two weeks since they’d left Burbidge had been a heady whirlwind of lovemaking and quiet talks, cuddled in the dark. Layth smiled. “No. Please stay.”
Her hand warmed the small of his back as she stepped up next to him. “Whatever you need.”
Layth took the handheld incinerator he’d purchased from his pocket and triggered it with his thumb. A white-hot arc of energy connected the two prongs at its business end. The katabatic wind from inland was still moving out to sea and would until the sun had sufficiently warmed the island, but time was getting short, and he needed to do this. He swallowed. “Letting go isn’t the same as forgetting, right?”
Meja shook her head, her pale hair already starting to glow with the first rays of the red sun. “No. You’re forgiving yourself, and that’s different. But if you’re not ready, you don’t have to—”
“No. Yes, I do. I am. Ready, that is.” He chuckled bitterly. “You know there’s room enough in my heart for both of you.”
“Of course there is. But you need to make sure there’s room in there for you too. I don’t want to be anywhere you aren’t.”
He looked at her, saw the damp on her cheeks and wanted to wipe it away, or kiss it away. But first…
He lowered the patch into the incinerator’s field. Below the field, fine gray ash caught in the wind and scattered on the rose-tipped waters. In a matter of minutes, the entire patch had been consumed. His eyes burned, and he blinked away the sparkle of unshed tears. He watched the trail of ash until he couldn’t see it any longer, then whispered a quiet goodbye.
Meja brushed her lips against his cheek, and he dropped the incinerator to wrap his arms around her waist, pulling her close. His past was still there, continued to shape who he was, both the bad and the good of it. But his future was here, in his arms. The kiss they shared was full of promise, full of a thousand tomorrows.
“They’ll be here today?” she asked softly.
He nodded, looking up as a shuttle passed overhead on its way toward Kanaloa’s main spaceport, high enough that it was a bright orange streak against the lightening sky. “Yes. It’ll be nice to see everyone again.”
Captain Barnes had been surprisingly understanding about the lost wages, especially when Meja had volunteered to repay them out of her leftover accounts to help earn a place among the crew.
“Hicks sounded less happy about it,” Meja said with a quiet laugh.
“Yes, well, she enjoyed having Bennet all to herself for the last couple weeks.” He kissed her one more time, the happiness that filled him enough to squeeze thought from his head and leave him speechless. A moment of fear eclipsed it as the words he wanted to say popped into his head, and he worried about them. If they were too soon, if they were too pushy.
No. He was done being afraid.
“I love you,” he whispered against her cheek.
She crushed him against her, and he could feel the damp on her cheeks as she started crying again. “I love you too.”
“Even when I’m prickly and emotionally distant?”
She kissed him, fiercely, hungrily enough to let him know that yes, she loved him even then.
Note from JC
Trans rights are human rights. Trans stories should be told by trans voices. I want to make that clear first and foremost.
I’m not trans, but people I love are. People I care about are. They are part of the world around me, and I refuse to imagine a future where they aren’t.
I didn’t set out to write Layth’s story as an all-encompassing trans narrative (see also, trans people are not a monolith), or to represent what modern life is like for trans persons, or even just transmasculine persons. But I did want to tell Layth’s story. I needed to create a story that said my friends, people whom I love and care about, could also have a happy ever after. That they could have a world that wasn’t centered on their transness, while still acknowledging it as part of their identity. I wanted it to not be their source of pain and conflict, and I didn’t want to make them bleed for who they are.
Sensitivity readers can only do so much, but having them helped me keep this story true to itself. I credit my sensitivity readers and my editor for the parts that you like. The mistakes made and the offenses given are mine. Call me out, and I’ll continue to learn.
With an open heart in the PNW,
JC Hay
About the Author
SFR Galaxy Award Winner JC Hay writes romantic science fiction, space opera, and cyberpunk where the relationships matter just as much as the tech. After all, the coolest gadgets in the world are useless without someone to share them.
This is his third year in Pets in Space, a fact of which he is ridiculously proud.
Also by JC Hay
The Corporate Services books (gritty, cyberpunk romance on the edge of the Arabian Sea)
Dubai Double-Cross
TriSystems: Rangers (Skilled soldiers and loyal wolves risk their hides and their hearts in far-flung space)
Inouye
TriSystems: Smugglers (a hard-scrabble ship’s crew fights for love and to keep their ship flying)
Heart of the Spider’s Web
Acknowledgments
This is the fifth Pets in Space book, a reminder that we can do a lot good in the world, even when the whole world conspires to say good doesn’t matter. It’s been a hard 2020, and it’s been a real pleasure to have something to look forward to, and the hope that maybe it will brighten the day for someone else who needs it.
In the interim, here’s a woefully inadequate set of thank yous for the folks who helped bring Layth and Meja to life: