The year of Our Lord 1405 in the seventh year of the reign of Henry IV
Three days later, on a blustery autumn morning, Adam, Saskia, Captain Stoyan, the twins, and I waved farewell to Tobias and Sir Leander from the docks. Their cog, the Lady Caragh, a large vessel about eighty feet in length with cargo ranging from sheep and horses to wool and tin, cut across the placid waters of the harbor and into the churning seas beyond the heads. I confess my heart was in my throat as we watched their sails disappear over the horizon. They would be reunited with the Sealhope in London, and from there cross to Flanders.
On my return to the house, I was pleased to see Will and Blanche already looking after patrons in the shop. First ensuring the children started their lessons, I then went to the brewhouse.
By lunchtime, another batch of ale was cooling in the troughs, malted grain was spread across the trays ready to be dried in the kiln, and there were two brimming sacks to go to Perkyn Miller for grinding. As Adam strained finished ale into kegs, I thought how pleasant it had been having Tobias and, surprisingly, his master helping to make ale.
“Fancy such a fine gentleman offering his services and working so hard? And in here?” Adam shook his head in wonder. “He’s not too proud, like some. That foot of his doesn’t seem to be much of a liability either. Master Tobias boasted it’s never been one—in battle, on horseback, or at sea. It’s others who underestimate Sir Leander because all they see is an affliction. Yet my lord acquitted himself very well.” As Adam praised Sir Leander, my mind drifted.
It was easy to underestimate my lord, but not only for the reasons Adam gave. Who’d have thought he’d be so willing to help indeed? Memories of Sir Leander toiling by my side were as fresh as the ale being poured behind me.
When Tobias first dragged his master to the brewery, I was angry and confused. Understanding that my mood would affect the ale, I pushed aside my misgivings and listened as Tobias justified their presence by arguing if I wanted his support, then he had the right to know exactly what I was doing. Interpreting Sir Leander’s silence as complicity in Tobias’s scheme, it also occurred to me that he was likely to report what I was doing back to his father, so I determined to demonstrate the seriousness of my intentions and the level of industry involved. I treated Sir Leander like the others, asking him to perform the same roles and to the same exacting standards. Convinced he wouldn’t last the morning, I was astonished when, after breaking fast, he was the first to rejoin me in the brewhouse.
“If you could tend to the malthouse floor, my lord, I’d appreciate it,” I said over my shoulder, loading wood into the kiln and blowing gently on the kindling.
“Certes,” said Sir Leander, then hesitated.
Aware he hadn’t moved, I turned around, my brows raised. “Just grab the rake over there, remove your footwear, and I’ll show you what’s needed in a moment. Adam will take over as soon as he’s returned from Master Thatcher’s.”
I bent back to my task, feeling the first risings of antagonism that he should hesitate to do as I asked, when it occurred to me I’d been insensitive. The sprouting grain formed a mat of roots that became quite tangled and hard to separate, and he needed balance in order to heave the grain—how could he do that with his twisted foot, let alone a cane? I turned to retract my order only to find him almost upon me.
“Mistress Sheldrake, I feel I owe you an apology.”
Sir Leander stepped even nearer and, all too aware of his closeness, of how large he was, I tried to resist the urge to create space between us. Was it the long-overdue thanks I’d finally and awkwardly proffered him the day our furniture was returned that prompted this? Steadying my breathing, I closed the metal door of the kiln just as the fire roared and rose slowly, dragging my sooty hands down my apron. Moisture dusted his dark cape, glistened in his black locks, a muscle in his jaw twitched. I don’t think I’d noticed before the smooth, golden quality to his skin. There was a scent of warm velvet, musky cologne, and something else. My heart skipped. I prayed the heat in my cheeks would be attributed to the kiln.
“When we first met,” he began, “I’m afraid my temper had the better of me. I allowed idle yet vicious gossip and my own assumptions about . . . well, I allowed my prejudices and, I admit, that of your cousin, to color my judgment of you. I called you an unforgivable name and for that, I’m deeply sorry. I do beg your forgiveness.”
Unable to credit what I was hearing, I was caught unawares. Ready to trade barbs, the sincerity of his apology quite undid me. I grabbed the ale-stick. I needed to hold something, to be prepared for the distraction activity offered.
“I still find it difficult to credit, my lord, that you would think Tobias had such a sister as you assumed me to be.”
Sir Leander made a soft noise that might have been a laugh. Resting his cane against the wall, he undid his cape, leaned against the trough, and folded his arms. “I didn’t think. Tobias would only ever speak about you in the warmest and most respectable of terms over the years. When we arrived in Elmham Lenn and he learned what you were doing, never mind what your cousin told him, he was shocked; I was as well. On top of discovering what your father did; what mine . . .” He paused and studied the floor a moment. “I only sought to protect him, to lash out at those who I perceived had hurt him.”
“You thought me capable of hurting my brother?” I regarded him incredulously.
“Your father did . . . It was not a huge stretch to assume another Sheldrake might as well.”
He was right. It wasn’t.
“I would never . . .” I began, then shut my mouth. Despite my best efforts, acrimony bloomed. I released the ale-stick and with one hand on my hip, directed a finger toward his chest. “That doesn’t excuse what you said. That you thought to call me such a name.”
Before I could prevent him, he swept my hand into one of his. I tried to withdraw it, but he tightened his grip and stared, daring me to pull away. His touch was warm, strong. With his thumb, he gently stroked the back of my hand.
“I told you, I didn’t think. That’s my problem. When I discovered the terms of the contract you made with my father, that you agreed to work for him should this fail”—his gaze took in the brewhouse—“well, let’s just say, when I then set eyes on you . . .” His thumb rested warmly against my flesh. I forgot to breathe. “I jumped to less-than-savory conclusions about the kind of work to which my father might put you, assuming your . . . complicity if not initiation of such an arrangement. It wouldn’t be the first time Father has . . . taken advantage of a Sheldrake.”
“You thought I— That he . . . Oh . . .” My hand went limp in his and I released my breath, unable to continue. I was shocked, ashamed. Sir Leander assumed I was like my mother, that I’d succumbed to his father’s charms—worse, that I’d bargained my own away. My body was afire with indignation, humiliation, and emotions I couldn’t understand. Part of me wanted to run from his sight, but another part wanted to defend both my character and my mother’s. Only I didn’t know how. And truth be told, while he caressed me in that absentminded way, I could barely think. My knees were weak, my resolve to confront him more so. What a sorry and unfair impression we must have made as a family. As far as he was concerned, my mother was a whore and my father, instead of punishing her as most husbands would, or seeking justice, had struck a devil’s bargain with the man who’d cuckolded him, turning his shame into some kind of business arrangement that ensured the entire family was ruined. How could I expect Sir Leander to understand it when I did not?