“What’s this?” he asked.
I leapt in fright, my hand gripping my chest. The wisp of rushlight flickered and almost went out. “Tobias!”
He gave a laugh and placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. I was worried. You looked so melancholy back there.” He jerked his head toward the hall. “I guessed you wanted time alone, but I wanted to say goodbye. Leander does as well. We sail to Gascony tomorrow.” He glanced through the open shutters. “It’s dark outside and no doubt we’ll be accosted by the night’s watch and asked to explain why we’re abroad.”
“Let me fetch you a lantern,” I said, not moving. Without intending to, I released a long sigh.
“What’s bothering you, Anneke? It’s not only the dogs, is it? I don’t have to be on my way just yet . . .” Slipping onto the stool opposite me, he rested his elbows on the desk, regarding me earnestly.
“Oh, Tobias. It’s just—” I shrugged, then shook my head, staring into the flames. “I know to some people they’re only dogs, but they’re more than that—in so many ways.” I searched for the right way to explain. “It’s what their absence means that’s affecting me most of all. They’re another loss, aren’t they?” I used my fingers as a tally. “Mother loses all those babies, then she dies. Father is lost at sea, we lose the rights to his business, and, just when I’m getting to know you all over again, I’m about to lose you too . . . Oh, I know I’m being silly, that you have a life, you’re a squire to a merchant knight, you travel all the time. It’s just . . . well”—my eyes flickered to the corridor—“who knows when I’ll see you again?” I dropped my hands into my lap, blinking fast. “I sometimes wonder if that’s to be our destiny, or, at least, my fate. To always lose things . . . people . . .”
Tobias knelt at my feet and took my hands into his own. “How can you think such a thing?”
I raised miserable eyes to his. “If truth be told, with small effort, Tobias. The proof is all around me.” I choked back a sob.
He tightened his fingers around mine, rose and placed an arm about my shoulders. “But, Anneke,” he said, his chin resting on top of my head, “you’ve also gained so much. Look at your business, it’s doing very well. You managed to secure a loan from Lord Rainford and, to hear Leander talk, that’s nigh on a miracle.” I bit back a laugh. “That’s more like it! And you’ve won the respect of the locals—why, Father Clement can’t say enough good things about you, neither can Captain Stoyan, Hugh Baker, Peter Goddard, Master Larkspur, and Master Proudfellow, never mind Master Miller and Olive.” He lowered his lips to my hair. “Even Sir Leander thinks you’re worthy of esteem and that’s no small concession coming from him.”
I raised watery eyes to my brother. “Sir Leander?” I made a harrumphing noise. “I doubt that.”
“Aye, the very one. He speaks very highly of you and that’s rare, Anneke. He’s not one to engage in flattery.”
“Oh, I know.” I twisted so Tobias was forced to drop his arm, release my hands. “Do you know the first time he met me, he called me a whore?”
“He what?” Tobias’s mouth fell open. He leaned back. “Well, that explains . . . Never!”
“He did.”
Tobias ran his fingers through his dark hair. “I believe you, it’s just . . . well, unfair.” There was a false note in his rather glib response. I tried to meet his eyes, but he was evasive. I felt his weight shift where his body still touched mine. “So, what is this you’re doing?” He dragged the drawing I’d been working on toward the light.
“Oh.” I glanced over. “Some ideas for the alehouse.”
It wasn’t the cold silence that followed my statement that warned me, rather it was as if the air both chilled and contracted.
“The what?” Tobias’s words reverberated like the toll of a bell.
Oh dear Lord. I laughed nervously. “The alehouse. Remember? I told you last night. In order to make enough money to pay Lord Rainford, I’ve decided to—”
“Are you completely mad?” Tobias’s voice was a whip that cracked between us. He pushed the parchment away, placed one arm on the back of my chair and the other on the desk, trapping me. He lowered his head so his face was only inches from mine. “Through the fug of wine and ale, I thought you were jesting. But you’re serious, aren’t you? You can’t open an alehouse, Anneke! What on God’s earth are you thinking? Has brewing gone to your head?”
“Of course not. It’s just we’re not making enough money to cover the wages and the lease. If I was able to sell direct to customers as well as distribute larger quantities, I’ve worked out I will make more than enough to cover expenses and increase profits at least fivefold.”
Tobias shook his head, repugnance transforming his features. Pinning the paper to the desk with a heavy finger, he frowned. “Brewing is one thing, but turning this house, our home”—he waved his arms—“into an alehouse that any knave can enter is something altogether different. I won’t have it, Anneke. You’re to discard this foolish notion. I tolerated the brewing; after all, Mother used to do it. It’s not entirely disreputable, despite what Cousin Hiske says. But an alehouse? That’s completely different.”
Standing abruptly, I knocked his arms away, pushed past him, and stood before the fire. I’d expected resistance, but not another assertion of brotherly authority. Bitterness and injustice warred within me. I knew I should remind him of his promise to trust my judgment, to support me, but fury wouldn’t allow for compromise.
“I’m not turning my home into anything. I’m simply using the commercial part to trade in a different business. You of all people should understand that. As for worrying about who might frequent an alehouse, you’ve been listening to too many stories, or the wrong sort. Master Proudfellow, not to mention his wife, Jocelyn, have no such complaints and they’ve been running a tavern for years. And what about Mistress Amwell and Mistress Scot? They’ve had no cause—”
“It’s not the same for them, and you know it.”
“In what way?”
“Proudfellow aside, the others are married. Those women have husbands.”
“Had,” I corrected. “Mistress Scot is a widow.”
“Don’t be deliberately obtuse. My point stands. They’ve a man or men behind them. You don’t—if you did, you wouldn’t be contemplating such a mad scheme. As you’ve had pointed out to you, you’re unmarried. A woman entering this type of venture on her own . . . well . . . you’re vulnerable. It’s dangerous.”
“I’ve Adam, Will, and Westel, I’m not on my own. I’ve men behind me. Men who at least respect my decisions.”
Tobias’s eyes narrowed and his lips thinned. “Respect? Is that what you call it? They’re besotted with you, Anneke, the lot of them. The fact you pay them to hang around and do your bidding is just a bonus.”
I closed the distance between us swiftly. Once again, I was the angry big sister chastising my younger brother.