But it doesn’t feel like it’s working now.
Henry clears his throat. “Are you okay?”
“Not so much.”
“You’re a good woman,” Henry says awkwardly. “It’s only logical that he was worried when you hared off.”
It’s such a Southern thing to say, a compliment twisted in with an unspoken criticism. I can’t fault his logic, but that doesn’t mean I feel like engaging it either. I place my hand on his forearm. “Walk with me?”
He nods, and we walk from the French Quarter across Canal and into the Central Business District. Henry is more familiar when he’s steady and silent instead of hugging me and offering advice. Neither of us comment on the fact that my hand is once again tucked into the fold of his arm. He might be more affectionate here than he’d be when we are home in North Carolina, but that doesn’t change doesn’t change all of the reasons I shouldn’t cross the line into intimacy with him again. Henry isn’t the kind of person who can be in your life casually.
And I’m not the sort of woman who wants a partner—even one who flew to another state, using vacation time most likely, and stands at my side like a guardian.
29
A Girl with No Past
“Happy Thanksgiving, Tess.” Edward’s brothers greeted as they came into the house.
“You, too.”
Edward looked at his brothers. “Sit. Eat. My Tess made us a traditional dinner.”
I had. There was turkey, ham, even green bean casserole.
We said grace.
A noise from the back of the house made everyone pause, but no one said a word. Everyone there knew about the girl in the tub. Edward had a difficult week at work. One of his investments had a loss, and he was feeling anxious. I’d tried. I really had. I’d been his for twenty-two months now, and it wasn’t getting better.
Last month, I’d spent three days in a row in the shed.
Edward looked at his brothers as I stood there, hoping things weren’t going to go poorly, hoping they’d intervene. I couldn’t. Not again. I wasn’t sure I’d live through the last beating.
“You think the courts wouldn’t arrest you too?” he began when he caught Buddy looking at me. “You think they’d ignore it if they found out you knew about the girls and—”
“No one’s getting arrested,” Buddy said firmly. “So, they found a few bodies. That doesn’t mean anything.”
“They should never find them unless I want them to.”
“It’s okay,” William said. “It was a mistake. It won’t happen again.”
I’d never heard them like this, and I had to wonder what had happened. Sure, the pretty things arrived, and then they left. Unlike them, I hadn’t been out of the house without Edward or one of his brothers in nearly two years. There was no phone in the house. I had no cell phone. I had no computer. I had no access to anything other than what Edward allowed—and Edward didn’t allow much.
No one spoke.
Finally, he looked up at me and said, “Grab drinks.”
I went to grab a bottle of wine and opened it. No one spoke as I poured it. Buddy refused to look up from his plate.
“Would you like your own drink?” Edward prompted.
“If it’s okay.” I was thankful that he let me have a glass, but after I drank a bit, I wasn’t sure what to do.
“I’m going out for a smoke,” William said.
When no one objected, he pushed his chair back and left. Edward and Buddy weren’t speaking yet, and I wasn’t sure what to do. Carefully, I reached out for a dinner roll and took a few bites while I waited.
Buddy shook his head. “I won’t ever tell your secrets, Edward. You know that. I never have.”
“If I ask you to testify what my brothers did to you, will you?” Edward watched me, and I was glad it wasn’t me who had angered him.
Buddy looked away.
“Did William threaten you?”
“Yes, Edward.”
“And Buddy? Did he fuck you after you said no and cried? Pretend we’re in court, Tessie.” Edward’s voice had rarely sounded as cold as it did just then. “Could you cry for the judge? Could you tell him how you begged for mercy? Would you tell the judge how my brother hurt you and you had no choice?”
Buddy froze.
“Then do it. I don’t want you to have to lie.” Edward stood then. “If they come after me because you let them find that girl, you’ll be in jail, too.” He shoved me toward his brother. “Don’t break her too much.”
When Edward walked out, Buddy stared at me. “Tess . . . I won’t.”
For a moment, I wanted to believe that was an option we had. It wasn’t. No one disobeyed Edward. I thought of the women. The more they fought, the faster they died.
“I don’t want to spend tonight in the shed again,” I told Buddy quietly. “I don’t want him to hurt me either. You need to do what Edward says.”
A few minutes later, Edward returned. “Has he hurt you yet?”
I shook my head.
“Do you want to go to jail, little brother?” Edward stepped closer and put a hand on Buddy’s shoulders. He had his after-dinner coffee in the other hand.
Buddy held my gaze. “I can’t.”
“There’s your mistake,” Edward said. “I didn’t ask what you thought. Tess wants me to be safe. Don’t you, baby?”
“Yes, Edward.”
He tilted the coffee cup, pouring it down my chest. It wasn’t as hot as it could’ve been. I knew that from experience. I had no need for the hospital.
The coffee burned my chest, my belly, my thighs . . .
Buddy reached out. "Edward—"
“Tell him no,” Edward ordered.
I felt his fist. Felt him strip me. And then I was on the floor.
“Please, don’t.” I felt sick from the burns, and despite best efforts, I tried to get away.
“Fight him, Tess.”
So, I did.
Edward stood and watched his brother rape me.
I wouldn’t need to lie if we went to court.
30
Tess
I knew there would be consequences when Michael let me keep my secrets that night. He bandaged my hand with a shirt of his that he cut up with kitchen scissors. I think he was afraid that I wouldn’t still be here if he went to the store without me, or maybe he was afraid that I’d run while we were in the store, or maybe he just felt too raw after the night we’d had. We didn’t go though. We fucked, and I slept.
When I wake, I have the start of a plan.
“You didn’t need to debase yourself for me,” he whispers as he pulls me close. He likes to sleep with his arm around me, pinning me to him so he wakes every time I slip out of the bed.
Reid held me the same way. It makes me feel safe, being unable to flee. I think sometimes that if any of the men I fucked since Reid had even tried to hold me like this, I might’ve considered a relationship. They didn’t, though. They were content with my fuck-and-roll-away approach to dating. It was easier for everyone.