“What changed?” she asks, understanding in her eyes and I wonder what other secrets she has buried.
“Blaze, our club president, got shot and decided to take the club in a different direction. We got out of all the illegal shit and started a security business.”
“What changed for you?”
I meet her eyes, wishing I was next to her so I could wrap my arms around her while we talk but I’m not sure how open she’d be to that.
“Jerry got me into boxing. Turns out it’s really hard to be mad at the world when you’re too exhausted to even move. That and the work the club does now really pulled me out of a dark place.”
She cuts into her biscuits, closing her eyes and savoring the taste as she takes a bite. When she opens her eyes again, she flashes me a shy smile.
“What does the club do now?”
“We help people escape from bad or dangerous situations.”
Tilting her head to the side, she studies me. “Like women in abusive relationships?”
“Most of the time, yeah, but it could be anyone who needs our help.”
“And how do you find these people?”
I smirk. “Is this an official interview?”
She blushes and shakes her head. “Sorry, no. I’m just curious.”
“It okay,” I assure her. “Most of the time, they find us but sometimes, we’re contacted by family members or friends and then we reach out to the person in trouble.”
“What y’all do is amazing.”
“Well, thank you but it feels a little selfish sometimes.”
She scowls, studying me as she takes another bite of her breakfast. “Why?”
“We each have our own personal reasons for doing it and I think we need it as much as the people we help do.”
“I don’t think that makes it selfish,” she says, shaking her head. “Every single person has motivations for why they do anything. Why do you do it?”
Sighing, memories from my childhood come flooding back and I shake my head. “Before my mom met Jerry, she dated a long string of losers who would rather talk with their fists and all I could do was watch it happen. I wasn’t big enough to protect her and I hated it. After she met Jerry, things were really good for a while and I finally had the family I had wanted my entire life but it’s like she was too jaded or something by the other guys because she just couldn’t accept Jerry’s love for her and she kicked him out. After that, she started drowning her sorrows at the bottom of a bottle and she was never able to crawl out again.”
“I’m so sorry,” she whispers, her voice cracking and I glance up, surprised by the tears shining in her eyes. As if on cue, she glances away from me and squares her shoulders. “I’m going to be late for work.”
Before I can say anything else, she turns and walks back into the bedroom, closing herself off from me once more.
* * * *
Me:
You free tonight?
I sigh, staring down at the text I sent her this morning that’s still unanswered before slipping my phone in my pocket and running my hand through my hair. Two days ago, she came alive in my hands and opened herself up to me in a way I never expected but maybe I pushed her too hard, too fast because now, I can’t get her to answer a single phone call or text. I’m slowly losing my mind and I’m tempted to just show up on her doorstep again and force her hand but I’m not that crazy…yet. Or maybe I am. I don’t know if I’ll ever get enough of her and being deprived of her, now that I’ve had her underneath me, is torture.
The thing is, Storm was partially right when he said I don’t commit but it’s not because I don’t want to. I guess you could call me a serial monogamist because for as long as I can remember, I’ve been looking for one thing. I jump into relationships quickly, hoping I’ll finally find what I’m looking for and when I don’t, it’s just as easy to end it. But nothing about Carly Mills is easy and I’m completely addicted. She’s different than any other girl I’ve ever met. All the woman has to do is look my way and I’ll do whatever she wants. If I’ve gotta beg, I’ll gladly drop down on my knees and plead for just another taste of her.
“You’re quiet tonight,” Jerry says and I glance up at him as he works in the kitchen. With a shrug, I stand up and grab the plates to set the table. One thing Jerry has always insisted on, since the moment he came into my life, was a weekly family dinner. When I was younger, I would roll my eyes and pretend to hate it, but the truth was, it was what I’d always wanted. “Something on your mind?”
“Nah. Not really.”
He chuckles, leaning back against the counter while the spaghetti sauce simmers on the stove. “Come on, Kid. You’ve never been that good of a liar.”
“Don’t know what you’re talkin’ ‘bout, Jer,” I tell him and he nods with a smirk on his face as he turns back to the sauce. He doesn’t buy it and I know it but I’m not sure I want to talk about it. Not that it really matters to Jerry. He’ll probably manage to pry it out of me before I leave tonight. It’s kind of annoying but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. After everything I’ve been through, I know how lucky I am to have him in my life.
Jerry met my mom when I was twelve years old and I’m pretty sure the dude fell head over heels as soon as he looked at her. He was so different than all the other guys she had been with and he accepted me as his son so easily when he didn’t need to. I could have just been his girlfriend’s kid but that isn’t Jerry’s style. He showed up to the house with a baseball and a pack of cinnamon gum and because of him, I finally had a family. At the time, he owned a restaurant in town and he provided us with a stable life – something else I’d never had before. Plus, he cherished my mom, treated her like a queen but it’s like no one ever thought to tell her most men don’t talk with their fists and she started questioning his motives. Everything he did made her suspicious.
Jerry doubled down and just tried to love her through it until she believed his feelings for her were true, but she never gave him the chance. One night just after my fourteenth birthday, I came home and she was throwing all his stuff out on the front lawn. I’ll never forget the look in his eyes as he packed his things that night, like his soul had just been shattered. Mom was never the same again either. She never went out on another date and she started finding her comfort in the bottom of a bottle. Just before I turned seventeen, she got drunk in the bath and drowned. Luckily for me, Jerry had been keeping tabs on us and petitioned the court to become my guardian the moment he learned about Mom’s death. As far as I know, he’s never dated again either. Even with all her faults, my mom was the only one for him.
“Food’s on,” Jerry says, snapping me out of my thoughts as he sets the pot of spaghetti down on the table and hands me a beer.
“Thanks.”
He nods, gesturing to my plate as he sits down. “Dig in.”
We’re quiet as we each dish food onto our plates and start eating.
“All right,” he says after a few moments. “Spill.”