“And you won’t,” he whispers, one hand reaching up to cradle my face as his eyes blaze with determination and I know he would march into that house and carry my baby sister out himself if he had to.
God, I love him.
The thought has been circling around in my head since the night he and I made up, but he never said it back to me and he hasn’t brought it up at all in the past week so as much as I want to say it to him now, I can’t force the words out of my mouth.
Someone knocks on the door and we both turn to look at it before he hops up. “I’ll get it.”
I relax back on the couch and turn toward the window, wondering how we’re going to manage to get Ivy out of Julian’s house if she doesn’t have access to a phone. Damn, I wish I had been able to convince Rosie to give me her number. I know she’s scared but she could have been a lot of help to us.
“Hey, Princess, there’s someone here to see you,” Chance says and I glance up, my blood running cold. Austin Mitchel stands in the doorway, next to Chance, looking like he’s about to shit a brick. And for the life of me, I can’t understand what the hell he’s doing here. Memories flash through my mind and my hand starts to shake as I push off the couch and walk over to them. Remembering the last time I ever saw him, I square my shoulders and meet his gaze. I hope he can see the hatred in my eyes.
“Get out of my house,” I say, my voice sounding haunted but strong and I’m proud of myself for not collapsing in a heap on the floor like I want to. Chance’s face turns to stone as he glances between Austin and me.
“Please, Carly. I’d really like to talk to you.”
“There is nothing you can say,” I hiss. I don’t know how much clearer I can be about the fact that I never want to see his face again. Besides, the strength I’m clinging to is quickly waning with each new memory – some of that night but most from the days after when my entire world crumbled in around me. They are coming faster than I can push them away and I feel the sob lodging itself in my throat as I picture the way my body looked in the mirror the morning after Austin and his friends were done with me. Squeezing my eyes shut, I turn away from him and my hands shake.
“Leave now or I’ll remove you myself,” Chance says, his voice taking on a deadly tone I’ve never heard before. He doesn’t even know what Austin did to me yet, but it doesn’t matter because he knows Austin did something and that’s enough for him. Arms wrap around me and my muscles tense for a moment before I catch a whiff of cinnamon gum and relax into Chance’s hold.
“This doesn’t concern you,” Austin barks and my eyes snap open. Chance is rigid at my side as he chuckles but there’s no humor in it. If I were Austin, I would be terrified right now. Chance reaches behind his back and pulls a gun out, setting it on the counter as my eyes widen.
Jesus Christ, has he always had that?
Chance smiles at Austin, who wisely takes a step back. “All right, why don’t you tell me how you know my girl?”
Austin glances at me like I might call Chance off but that’s not going to happen. If I really think about it, I’m not even upset about the gun. And I certainly wouldn’t ever defend Austin. His gaze bounces between the two of us before he slowly starts backing away.
“Wait,” I say, clinging to Chance’s side as I square my shoulder and meet Austin’s eyes. As much as I don’t want to hear what he has to say, I don’t want him to show up again so it’s best to just get this over with. “What is it that you want?”
“Can we talk alone?” he asks, glancing at Chance, who laughs again.
“That’s not going to happen.”
Austin sighs before glancing back to me. “Did you get the card I sent a while ago?”
“I did.”
“It’s just… the bank said the check never cleared,” he mutters, running a nervous hand through his hair. Anger pierces through me and I narrow my eyes.
“Is that why you’re here? I don’t want your fucking money, Austin.”
He sighs, shaking his head. “I’m just trying to find a way to make it up to you.”
“Make it up to me?” I hiss as I take a step back. “You don’t get to make it up to me.”
“Please, Carly. I was just a kid and I made a mistake.”
I nod, ready for this conversation to be over. “So was I and yet, I still have to live with what you did to me for the rest of my life. If you’re looking for atonement, go talk to a preacher because you won’t find it from me.”
He sighs again and I see the defeat on his face as he turns and walks out of my house without another word. As soon as the door shuts behind him, I release a breath I didn’t realize I was holding and sag against Chance as tears well up in my eyes. My heart pounds in my ears and my stomach twists, disgusted by the memories plaguing me. I remember the morning after the party again. The pain in my body is imprinted on my mind and I swear I can almost feel it like it just happened. My walls are down, demolished by the reappearance of Austin.
“Carly,” Chance whispers, holding me up as he peers down at my face. “Who was that?”
I shake my head, wiping away tears as quickly as they fall. “I… I need a minute.”
He leads me over to the couch and I sit down next to him as I suck in a breath and try to think of how to tell him this. I’m more secure in our relationship than I was a week ago but what I have to tell him could still change things between us. Not to mention I have no idea how to even say this since I’ve never spoken these words aloud before. They burn in my throat, fighting to break free and struggling to stay locked away at the same time and with tears pouring from my eyes, I resist the urge to claw at my own throat. Chance pulls me into his arms, hugging me tight and I draw in a breath, hoping I can make it through this. I know he’s seen the parts of me that I worked so hard to hide but he really has no idea the horrors I’ve been keeping caged inside.
“Baby,” he whispers, stroking my cheek with the back of his fingers and I look up, meeting his eyes as I let him see all the pain I usually keep buried. He sucks in a breath, his eyes tortured and I wonder if it’s similar to the look in my eyes right now. He holds my hand tight but remains quiet as he waits for my explanation.
“Austin and I used to date.”
He nods. “And?”
“And,” I start, new tears forming in my eyes and my heart pounding in my ears. My palms are sweating and I struggle to draw a breath. “When I was sixteen, Austin and six of his friends drugged and raped me at a party.”
My words hang in the air between us, the silence of the apartment deafening as time seems to stall and I wait for his response. Slowly, the anger in his eyes builds, licking up toward the sky like a raging inferno, until he jumps up from the couch and marches into the kitchen. He swipes the gun off the counter and turns toward the door, pure, unhindered rage lighting up his features and I have no doubt in my mind he’d kill Austin if I let him. Maybe it should bother me but it doesn’t.
“Chance,” I call out as he wraps his hand around the doorknob and he turns to me. Tears fall down my cheeks and I watch his heart break right in front of me. “Please don’t leave me right now.”