“No, we’re just talking. He also stopped by last night with sparklers for Brooklyn and dinner for me.”
“Sounds like a good man.”
I nod, twisting my fingers some more. “I think he is.”
“But you’re scared,” she supplies, stating what I’ve been thinking for the past couple days. I nod.
“Yeah, I am. He seems like a really good man and my heart races anytime he’s near me but there’s just so much in my past and so much that would affect any relationship we could have.”
She nods, jotting down some more notes. “This is an important step in your recovery, Quinn, and it’s essential that you learn to move forward with love. After all you’ve been through, it would be so easy to close yourself off and spend the rest of your life alone but I know that’s not what you want. Pushing yourself past this barrier won’t be comfortable for you but I know you’ll be happy once you’re on the other side.”
“Why don’t you ever have any easy fixes?” I grumble and she laughs.
“Sorry. That’s not how it works but I have faith in you. You can do this.”
I sigh, staring down at my fingers in my lap. “He hasn’t even asked me out.”
“Do you think he will?”
“I don’t know.”
She tsks disapprovingly. “Yes, you do. You just don’t trust your instincts anymore. Don’t overthink this.”
“How could I not?”
“After what happened to you, I know you have this intense need to know what’s around the next corner but life doesn’t work like that, Quinn, and you’re going to end up stalled out in the middle of the road for the rest of your life if you don’t learn to swallow that fear.”
“What if it goes terribly wrong?” I ask, meeting her gaze.
“The date? So what if it does? It’s two hours of your life and in the end, it won’t be that big of a deal. If you’re referring to the relationship in general, I have good news for you.”
I arch a brow. “What?”
“This is completely normal. These fears you have now are the same fears everyone has at the beginning of a relationship; they’re not from the incident.”
I nod, mulling over her words. “But what do I tell him about my past?”
“Whatever you’re comfortable with, Quinn. The key here is baby steps. You don’t have to unload everything all at once and if he’s as good of a man as you think he is, he’ll understand why you need to take things slow.”
The timer on her desk goes off and I release a breath, feeling lighter than I did when I walked in the door. Standing, I hold my hand out and smile. “Thank you.”
She shakes my hand before going to her desk and flipping through her calendar. “Again in two weeks?”
I nod and after we have my next appointment scheduled, I go out to my car and turn toward home with a smile on my face. Dr. Jeffers is right - I can totally do this. I’m still scared to death but her comment about spending the rest of my life alone scares me more. Whether it’s Lucas or someone else, I need to learn to move past this because I want a family someday - for Brooklyn and myself.
My phone rings as I pull into the driveway and I grin at Lucas’s name on the screen.
“Hey, you,” I answer.
“Hey, yourself. What are you up to tonight?”
I climb out of the car with keys and bag in one hand as I nudge the door shut with my knee. “Just getting home from a doctor’s appointment and then probably just hanging out with Brooklyn. Why? What are you doing?”
“I’m stuck on this surveillance job and I’m bored.”
I laugh as I step inside. “I’m so sorry about that.”
“Don’t be. You’re the only thing getting me through.”
Alice rushes past me with one shoe on her foot and the other in her hand as Brooklyn crawls along behind her, laughing. I bite my lip to contain my giggles.
“Hey, let me help Alice get to class and figure out dinner for Brooklyn and me and then I’ll call you back, okay?”
He groans. “You’re killin’ me.”
“I’m sorry. I’ll call you back as soon as I can.”
We say good-bye as Alice races back into the room, buttoning up her shirt. “Long day, Al?” I ask, laughing and she shoots me a glare.
“I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to Brooklyn screeching in my face.”
Brooklyn plops her butt down next to me and reaches up. Laughing, I reach down and scoop her up, my body still aching something fierce.
“Did you scare your auntie?” I ask her and she screeches again, smashing her little hands against my chest.
“Little monster,” Alice growls as her lips twitch with the smile she’s barely holding back. Brooklyn blows a raspberry at her and we both laugh. “That girl is a ham.”
“I think she gets it from her auntie,” I muse and Alice shakes her head.
“Oh, no. I had nothing to do with that. This little girl,” she says, tickling Brooklyn’s belly, “is one hundred percent her mama.”
Thank God.
The thought flits through my head without warning and my smile falls as I struggle with the memories threatening to resurface.
“Shit, Quinn…” Alice says and I shake my head, holding my hand up.
“No, I’m good.”
My phone buzzes in my hand and I glance down, thankful for the distraction.
Lucas:
Don’t worry about dinner.
Something is on the way.
Me:
Thank you.
I would tell him that it’s really not necessary but I’ve already figured out that he wouldn’t listen to me anyway. Besides, being taken care of for once actually feels pretty damn good.
“And who is putting that smile back on your face?” Alice asks, trying to peek at my phone. I lock the screen to hide it from her.
“No one.”
“Mmhmm,” she hums, walking to the door and grabbing her book bag before opening the door. “Tell Lucas hi for me.”
“Go to class,” I grumble, giving her a playful shove and she laughs as she steps outside and closes the door behind her. I turn to Brooklyn and make a face. “Your auntie is trouble, little girl.”
She blows another raspberry and I laugh as I set my purse down and carry her into the living room. Once I have her set up with her toys, I sink into the couch and dial Lucas’s number.
“Finally,” he answers and I shake my head, giggling.
“I don’t think that was even ten minutes. Thank you for dinner, by the way.”
“You’re welcome. It was entirely selfish, though since I wanted you to call me back sooner,” he answers and I laugh again.
“Noted. How was your day, besides the boring stakeout?”
He sighs. “Okay, I guess. Went looking for Clay but didn’t find him, which is pretty typical.”
“When was the last time you saw him?”
“Yesterday. I had to bail him out of jail, then we got into it and he ran off.”
My heart aches for him. “What did you fight about?”