“Nobody said that,” he interjects and I scoff, shaking my head. Smoke billows out of my mouth and I watch it as it rises and disperses above me.
“No. But y’all might as well have.”
He claps a hand on my shoulder and I resist the urge to shake him off. “Hell, what do we really know? It’s not like any of us ever tried to get to know Kady before you got locked up.”
I nod in agreement. Back then, the club was never about family like they are now - as evidenced by the dinner all the old ladies insisted on putting together tonight. I appreciate the effort and I’m sure as hell looking forward to eating some real damn food but mostly, I just want Kady.
“Things were good between y’all when you got locked up, right?” he asks and I nod, remembering the night I took her back to the middle school where we first met and dropped down on my knee as I held a diamond ring out in front of me. Her smile was so damn bright that night it’s burned into my memory forever. That was only a week before I got arrested.
“Yeah, we were engaged… and trying to have a baby.”
“Shit,” he hisses and I nod again as I toss the remnants of my cigarette on the ground before stepping on it with the toe of my boot. “I had no idea.”
“It wasn’t really something you were concerned with back then.”
He hangs his head for a moment before glancing up. “You’re right.”
“I didn’t mean for that to be an insult,” I tell him, guilt nagging me from his sorrowful expression. He nods.
“I know but I was a damn fool back then and I hate thinking about all the shit I fucked up. Y’all put your trust in me and I lost sight of what was really important.”
I turn away. “We don’t have to have this conversation.”
“No, there’s something I need to say to you. When you first joined this club, I know you were looking for a family after your parents abandoned you but despite all my grand claims, that’s not what you got. After you were arrested and I was shot, I saw how much I’d lost sight of the true reason I built this club. I’m just so damn sorry that you lost so much of your life because of me.”
I nod, glancing back at him. It sounds like a line of shit but there is sincerity in every damn word and I can see the regret on his face. “I appreciate that but I don’t blame you. It was my fuck up and I knew what I was doing was going to end badly. It’s why I was planning to get out. It just didn’t happen soon enough.”
“That motherfucker, Biche.”
The hair on the back of my neck stands on end and I growl. “Don’t mention that name to me.”
“Just know, after we find your girl, whatever you want to do about that situation, this entire club is behind you.”
I nod, clamping my mouth shut so I don’t start cursing out my president. Ever since the moment I realized that low life son of a bitch set me up and got me arrested, even just hearing his name has sent me into a rage. Sucking in a breath, I clench my fists and slowly release them in an attempt to calm myself. Biche is tomorrow’s problem and I’ll deal with him after I find my girl and only then.
“Listen,” Blaze says and I turn back to him. “I gave Streak another person to look into. Hell, I’m not even sure if anything will come of it but Kady was always real close to Bobby before he passed so I told Streak to investigate him.”
“Shit, I forgot he died. How long ago was that?” Bobby was one of the original members of the club and the man who sponsored me when I wanted to join. We became pretty close and after growing up in the foster system, Kady was always looking for a sense of family and I think she found a piece of that with Bobby. I know he thought of her like the daughter he never had.
He shakes his head. “Five years or so, I think. I don’t know. He wasn’t involved with the club as much when I started making changes and we lost touch for a while.”
“You really think he knew anything?” I ask and Blaze shrugs.
“Who the hell knows with Bobby but we are turning over every damn stone in this town until we find your girl, Henn. I promise you that.”
I nod. “I appreciate that, Prez. Thank you.”
“That’s what this club was meant for and as long as you let us, we’re going to be the family you were looking for all those years ago.”
Nodding, I drop my gaze to the ground, feeling choked up. It’s everything Kady and I wanted back then but without her here, it just feels empty. What the hell kind of life could I live without her in it?
“You ready to head inside?” Blaze asks and I glance up. “I think Quinn is about done with the ribs.”
I nod to the door. “You go ahead. I’ll be right behind you.”
Blaze studies me for a moment before nodding and heading back inside the clubhouse. When I’m alone again, I lean back against one of the parking blocks and drop my head back to look up at the stars, my mind going right back to my girl and where she is right now. I wonder if she can see the same stars I can. The thought is quickly followed by the image of her being held somewhere against her will - somewhere dark where she can’t see the stars and my stomach churns. As much as I don’t want to sit down to dinner right now, I know I need to make an effort. I can see the change that everyone has been telling me about and I’m trying not to get my hopes up but maybe this is a sign that things are coming together. I scrub my hand over my face and blow out a breath, watching as a billow of steam rises in front of me. I shiver.
Shit.
It’s getting colder and that means my time is up.
Sighing, I shove my hands in my pockets and walk back into the clubhouse. Everyone is chatting and laughing with each other and when I walk in, they all turn to me as silence descends over the room. I freeze in my tracks, watching each one of them.
“Jesus, way to make it weird, guys,” Smith says and it seems to break the spell as they go back to their conversations. I don’t know if they are wary of me or just feel bad about my situation but I can’t fucking wait for the day when everyone can just go back to being normal.
“Hi,” a blonde woman says, walking up to me. “I didn’t get to meet you last night. I’m Quinn, Lucas’s fiancée.”
I force a smile to my face. “It’s nice to meet you.”
Smith joins us and wraps an arm around her waist, pulling her close as he turns to me. “You okay?”
“I’d be a whole lot fucking better if people would stop asking me that.”
“Got it,” he replies and I breathe a sigh of relief.
“Hey, how’s your brother, by the way?” I ask. The last time Smith and I got a real chance to talk about six months back, he was really worried about his little brother, Clay. His face falls.
“How about we save that conversation for another time?”
Quinn’s face crumples in concern and I nod, watching them as they seem to have an entire conversation without saying a single word. Finally, Quinn looks up and meets my eyes.
“Excuse us.”
I nod and watch them disappear into the hallway before releasing a breath and grabbing a beer from the bar. Slipping onto one of the barstools, I open my beer and scan the room. Storm and his wife, Ali, are at the table talking to each other. Ali has a big smile on her face and even Storm cracks a little grin at something she says before glancing down at the baby in his arms. Jealousy burns through me. Chance is seated at the head of the table with a gorgeous blonde I haven’t been introduced to yet in his lap. Even from across the room, I can tell that he just cracked a joke and she rolls her eyes at him before turning away to hide her smile. Pain pulses like a heartbeat through me. I turn to the other side of the room where Kodiak is practically making out with Tate, oblivious to the rest of us and my thoughts drift back to Kady before I can stop them.