Still holding my hand, she moves next to me so we are both propped against the bookcase. She stretches out her legs to take a more relaxed pose and I follow her movements.
"Can I ask why you hate being touched?" Her voice is small, but it's like a balm for my battered soul.
"I didn't have the best childhood." I start and take a deep breath. "There were some things that happened..." I shake my head. I can't tell her, will probably never be able to tell her.
"Shh, it's ok, you don't have to tell me now. But I want you to know I'm here... if you need anything."
"Thank you."
We stay in a comfortable silence for a while, and I don't think I've ever felt this calm before.
"I... I have a confession to make," Catalina says, and I turn towards her. Her cheeks are red, her head hung low. "I don't even know how to say this. Lord!" She purses her lips.
"There's nothing you could say that would make me mad, Lina." I assure her, and a small smile appears on her face.
"I like it when you call me Lina." She whispers, almost embarrassed.
"Then that's what I'll call you from now on."
"I... A week or so ago I was in the kitchen at night and... I heard you."
"You heard me," I swallow hard, not liking where this is going.
"You were having a nightmare." She explains and I squeeze my eyes shut, shame filling me.
I've been having night terrors for as long as I remember. Most days it helps if I knock myself out with sleeping pills, but even then... The thought that Catalina would have heard me at my worst guts me.
"I didn't mean to intrude, but I was worried about you, so I entered your room. I'm so sorry." She adds emphatically.
"Did I... Did I do anything?" I have no control of myself during those times. I hope I didn't hurt her.
"You," she starts, but blushes profusely. "kissed me." Her voice is so low I can barely hear it.
"I kissed you?" I repeat, almost in awe, and she nods. I kissed her... and I don't even remember it.
I curse under my breath.
"I'm so sorry," she quickly tries to placate me.
"Don't... I'm mad because I don't remember it. Not because it happened." I take a deep breath. I've dreamed about it for so long, and the one time it actually happens I have no memory of it? "Was it good?" I quickly ask, almost afraid of the answer.
She nods. "I think so. It was my first kiss." She confesses and my eyes widen in shock.
Catalina seems ashamed of it, so I try to comfort her with a confession of my own.
"Mine too, even if I don't remember it."
"You're kidding." She suddenly turns to face me. "You mean you've never kissed anyone before? But how?" She frowns.
"I've never wanted to." I shrug. That is true, at least. I wouldn't want her to know my sordid past... the things I'd done to keep father off my back. But even then, I'd drawn the line at something as intimate as kissing. It had never seemed right.
"Oh," she seems unsure of herself, "we can do it again, if you want. Since you don't remember it..." She trails off. For a moment I say nothing, too shocked by what she's just suggested.
"If you can... and want, that is." She quickly amends, and I turn my head to face her.
"I'd like to try."
I let go of her hand and tentatively cup her cheeks. She trembles slightly, her breathing becoming harsher. My thumb lightly traces her lips, enjoying the feel of her skin. No amount of dreaming could prepare me for this... for the rawness of her naked flesh under mine.
I keep expecting the pain to hit me and make me recoil. But the more I explore her, the more comfortable I become.
I feel... at home.
My fingers graze over her cheek, tracing her features, inscribing them in my memory.
"You're exquisite," my voice is gruff. "so beautiful."
Lina lowers her eyelashes at my praise, a dot of pink staining her cheek. "I didn't think you liked me." She says in a low voice. "You always avoided me."
"Only because I like you too much. To be near you and not being able to touch you..." I groan. "It's pure torture."
"I like you too." She confesses, and I grin like a fool. The words I'd always longed for...
I slowly lean forward until our breaths mingle together. Her eyes are wide open and she bites her lip. I don't think she realizes what that does to me. I hover over her lips, almost afraid to take the last plunge.
But I do.
My lips cover hers, almost like the touch of a feather. I breathe in her essence, and her mouth opens to let me in. The taste of her... the feel of her... I can't help myself as I tug her closer, turning a sweet kiss into an urgent one. Her hands are stiff by her side, and I realize she's trying very hard not to touch me. My heart warms at her thoughtfulness. We kiss for what feels like hours, and when we finally break apart, we are both breathing hard.
"Where does this leave us?" Lina asks me, her voice hopeful.
"Wherever you want." I can't seem to have many boundaries where she is concerned. She's breaking down even the ones I'd once thought were impenetrable.
"Can we take it slow? Have a proper marriage?"
"Slow, yes. I'd like that." I answer candidly.
Maybe not all is lost.
Maybe there is hope for me after all.
IT'S LATER IN THE AFTERNOON that I meet with Vlad at a secure location. After parking his car, he gets out and throws a file at me.
"What's this?"
"Forensic report for our lovely nun."
I open it and skim through its contents. There's not much. The cause of death was deemed to be blood loss, but the coroner commented on the presence of some lacerations on the left ventricle of the heart. That and some scuffs on the ribs and suggested the nun could have been stabbed through the heart, following which she bled out.
"I don't see why this is important." I flip through the file and hand it back to him.
"The coroner's remarks are rather interesting, though. Suppose she was in fact stabbed through the heart. You and I both know how difficult it is to achieve that. You need the perfect blade, the perfect angle, and the right amount of force."
"So our copycat has enough anatomical knowledge to inflict a mortal wound." I raise my eyebrow at him.
He's right in that to stab someone through the heart is not as easy as it seems, mainly because you wouldn't be stabbing over the heart, rather you would have to tilt the knife at an angle from below. And even that depends very much on the type of blade used and the strength of the perpetrator, as you have to go through the fat and muscle first.
"I've been running some scenarios in my head." Vlad starts pacing in front of me.
"Do tell."
"The coroner only mentioned lacerations, not holes or anything that might singularly identify it as a stabbing event. That means the wound wasn't too big to begin with."
"Or she didn't get stabbed through the heart." I point out the obvious.
"But if she was," Vlad continues, "then our copycat purposefully used a narrow blade to perforate the heart, but ultimately delay death."