I don't answer, and she doesn't ask again.
But for the next couple of days I faithfully show up at the same time, in the same spot. She brings me medicine and food, and we keep each other company, talking about banalities.
She has no idea who I am, or what she means to me.
She has no idea the hell I'm about to pay for dreaming about something forever out of reach.
PRESENT-DAY,
Tears are rolling down her face after I recount her everything. I keep to myself the more sensitive details, like the reason I'd been so battered that day, or that by falling in love with her, I'd become a weakling in father's eyes. And he'd set me right in the worst possible manner.
"I don't know what to say." She whispers, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. "Why did you never come for me?"
"I didn't think I was worthy of you. My past... it's not pretty." It's a half-truth, but if she knew the real reason... I don't even want to go there. I may have stayed away, but that doesn't mean she's left my thoughts even for a day.
"Marcello," My name on her lips soothes me in a way that I'd never thought possible. She might be able to make me whole again. But she also has the power to tear me apart.
"Are you mad?"
"Mad? Why?"
"Because I didn't tell you before."
"No... no." She shakes her head, her eyes softening as she gazes at me. "I could never be mad at you. I have questions though." She nestles closer to me, her head on my chest. "How come you fell in love with me just from those brief interactions? It just seems a little... odd. Not that I'm not grateful. You have no idea how pleased I am to know you feel the same." The last words are on a softer tone, as if she's embarrassed.
"It was rather easy. When all you've ever known is cruelty, the one person who teaches you kindness becomes the center of your universe. You became mine, Lina. When you gave me that little bag with food, or when you tended my wounds, you made me believe there was something else in the world besides evil. You made me hope again." Even though that hope was dashed later on. She'd still shown me a different way of being, and for that she'd become my muse, my ultimate desire.
"What happened to you, Marcello?"
"More like what didn't happen." I reply drily. "I'll tell you..."
"Someday." She giggles as we say the word in unison.
"It's not that I don't want to, Lina. But it's difficult to talk about it." And because part of me doesn't think she'd look at me the same if she knew the things I've done.
"I'm here. Whenever you want to talk." She lays a kiss on my chest, her face nuzzling my side.
"So, you love me." I subtly change the subject, even though I still can't believe she loves me. It's simply too good to be true, considering I'd dreamed of hearing her say these words for so long.
"And you love me." She shoots back, arching an eyebrow, her lips twitching sheepishly.
"So much it hurts." I tip her chin up with my finger, wanting to show her the sincerity in my eyes. "There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, Lina. Tell me to die tomorrow, and I will. Tell me to live, and I'll be your servant. Forever."
She blinks twice, a smile spreading on her lips. "Fine. As my servant, I command you to never stop loving me."
"Easy."
"And I want to have many, many children."
"Done." I immediately say.
"Really? How about ten?" Lina raises her eyebrow in a challenge.
"Ten works for me, but I'm worried about you since you'll be doing the hard work."
"I don't mind that. I want a big family." She tilts her head pensively. "A big loving family."
"Then I'll give you everything you want."
I gather her in my arms, my head resting atop hers.
And I silently pray.
That her love will be enough.
When the day comes...
"LOVE YOU." PLACING a kiss on Lina's lips, I head out.
Since I'd finally confessed my feelings, I've been taking every single opportunity to let Lina know just how much she means to me. I might do it in excess, but ten years of pent-up longing can do that to a man.
I try to finish all of my meetings in time so I can go back home. I'd taken Guerra on his offer, if only temporarily. While I still don't trust him, I'm a little more worried about the state of the famiglia and their perception of things if I put off solving the transport issue even longer. Since the inauguration, I started feeling a clear divide between the members of the famiglia, with one faction supporting me while the other Nicolo. It's not as if I haven't considered the possibility, but the reality means that I need to convince everyone that I'm the most suitable candidate for Capo.
I still have my doubts about Benedicto, since I don't know exactly what his stance is towards his brother. Franco's grudge towards Catalina must have only increased since his public humiliation. Even so, I doubt it's him who's been trying to terrorize Catalina. Not with all evidence pointing towards the copycat Chimera, who I'm not any closer to finding out.
The entire situation is too messy. I just hope that for now the famiglia will be satisfied with Guerra's routes for transport and Enzo's clubs for distribution.
I spend most of the day going through warehouse to warehouse to make sure the next transport is secure enough. After I feel that everything is in order, I leave Francesco to oversee the details.
It's almost dark when I get back home. I find the girls in the drawing room, Claudia and Venezia are doing their homework while Catalina is focused on drawing a new piece. I frown when I notice Sisi is missing. She's been doing that a lot lately.
"Marcello!" Lina drops everything to jump in my arms.
"Easy, love." I kiss the top of her head.
Venezia and Claudia acknowledge me with a nod, but they seem to be engrossed in whatever they are working on, so I don't want to disturb them.
"They have a quiz tomorrow." Lina whispers and waves me towards the stairs.
"How was your day?" She asks when we get in our room.
"Good, I think. Not sure yet." I admit, and I give her a quick summary of what I'd planned.
"If Guerra holds his end of the bargain, this could work." Lina helps me out of my shirt.
"Your brother's help is also a bonus. I've done the math and we could recoup our losses in a month, max two."
She purses her lips, her face strained.
"I've never liked what Enzo does. I mean, I don't like any of this. But he's knowingly and intentionally exploiting women." She shakes her head. "I just can't reconcile that with the image I have of my brother."
"There's one thing you need to understand, Lina." I turn to her, softly stroking her hair. "Mafiosi always have two faces: one that they show to their family, and one that they show to the outside world. You can't succeed in this cutthroat environment without ruthlessness and a compromise on morality. You might know him as a loving brother, but to everyone else he's a capo, and a made man."
She seems pensive for a moment.
"I know who you are with me," Lina says, poking her finger in my chest. "but what's the face you show to the outside world? The one you used to punish Franco?"