Chapter Thirty-two
"YOU'RE SURE YOU'RE OK? You can talk to me about anything." I drape over the blanket over Sisi's small body. She's curled up in bed, her eyes red from too much crying. I'm worried about her. She hasn't been the same since we left Sacre Coeur, and I have no idea why.
"Thank you, Lina." She gives me a tremulous smile before turning around, ending the conversation.
I sigh and I turn to leave. The doctor had discharged her late in the afternoon and had suggested she'd be more comfortable at home with a support system. I just wish she would open up to me, but I know she must still be in shock. From what I gathered; she had no idea she was even pregnant.
I close the door to her door and I find Marcello waiting outside, leaning on the baluster.
"Everything all right?" He asks when he sees the slight frown on my forehead. I give him a brisk nod. He holds out his hand for me and I take it, entwining my fingers with his. We go to his office and he pours two glasses of scotch. Handing me one, he takes a seat across from me.
"How's Claudia?" He asks.
"She's good. Mrs. Evans started teaching her at Enzo's house."
He nods, lowering his gaze to his glass.
It's almost surreal to be back here. For the past two months, Marcello hadn't left my mind. I kept on wondering how he was doing, but I didn't want to intrude or impede his progress, so I'd stayed away. I'd lost myself in my designs, and I even found a market for them. Who knew that people were so hungry for handmade stuff? It had started as a hobby, but soon I started earning money too. I think that had been the most shocking thing. As the daughter of a capo, I wasn't expected to work for money, but to leave all that to my husband. When I'd seen my first check, even though it had only been a couple hundred dollars, I'd been more than thrilled. I'd seen my first shot at independence.
But then he called. I don't think I've ever been as happy as when I'd seen his number pop up on my screen. I'd had plenty of time to think about our relationship, especially with Enzo's constant interference. He's dislike of Marcello continued, and so he tried to change my mind every chance he got. But I never faltered.
I want him or no one else. I think I even convinced my brother, because when I'd rushed to the hospital he hadn't even argued with me, offering to watch Claudia while I was away.
"And you? How have you been?" He raises his eyes just a little. Where is the confident Marcello from before? The one that was about to take me in a storage closet?
"I started my business. It's going well, I think." His mouth curls up.
"You think?"
I shrug. "People seem to like my designs."
"I'm proud of you." His knowing smile makes me think this isn't the first time he's heard of this.
"Since you called me... " I start, trying to find the courage to ask him if he's doing well enough to let me in.
"Yes." He immediately says, not letting me finish. "It means exactly that." Putting his glass on the study, he moves closer until he's in front of me. His fingers brush against my hair, tugging a stray strand behind my ear. I tilt my head back so I can look him in the eyes. "Dear God, you have no idea how much I missed you. But I had to..." He shakes his head slightly, his already husky voice sounding even harsher with the intensity of his emotions. "To give myself fully to you, I needed to find myself first."
"Did you?" I ask, almost breathless from his proximity.
He nods, his fingers tracing my lips. "It's a process, but I'm getting there. I want to show you something." Unbuttoning his shirt, he turns around, slowly pushing it down to reveal his scarred back. It looks better than the last time I saw it, but it's still an angry sight, as if someone had taken a knife and viciously ripped into a canvas. I lift my hand, and at his permission, I start tracing the ridges.
"I stopped." He notes. I raise my eyebrows in question. "I stopped hurting myself." I gasp at his words.
"You... you did this to yourself?" He nods, lowering his head in shame. "Why? Why would you do this?" My voice breaks, and I have to blink the tears away.
"It was my way of atoning for what happened to you. The only way I could feel what you felt." He turns and takes my hands into his own. "Your pain would be imprinted on me, and I'd never forget."
"Marcello..." I have no words. "You need to leave the past behind." I take a deep breath. "We need to leave the past behind."
"But how can you even stand to look at me? Knowing that I..." He swallows his words.
"Because now I know the circumstances. And I know you," I point my finger at his chest, "the man I fell in love with; the man who put his life on the line for me. How can I not?" I bring my hands to his face, cupping his cheeks and making him look me in the eye. "We're here now. Let the rest go."
"But..." I shake my head, cutting him off.
"Even if you could change the past, I wouldn't want you to. How can I ever bring myself to regret anything that happened since it gave me Claudia? We have a beautiful daughter, Marcello." All the suffering and all the scorn I'd put up with had been well worth it. I wouldn't exchange my daughter for anything in the world.
"Lina," He groans, closing his eyes and surrendering himself to my touch. "I promise I'll do my best. You won't regret choosing me."
"I think so too." I add cheekily, moving my finger down his chest suggestively.
"What are you doing?"
"I think you started something earlier." The thought of being almost caught in the act makes me even hotter.
Marcello's eyes darken, the innuendo clear. But there's something more I need to tell him.
"Don't hold back, please. Not anymore." I don't think his guilt let him give himself to me before the secret still between us. Now the slate has been wiped clean.
"Are you sure?" He asks and I nod, my cheek molding to his chest, my mouth on his nipple. "Love me like you've always wanted to." I plead, two months of pent-up desire in my voice.
He tips my chin with his thumb, laying a kiss on my nose before backing me into the study. My back hits the wooden frame, but he doesn't stop. Hands on my butt, he lifts me until I'm sitting on the desk, his torso coming between my open legs.
"I think you're wearing one too many clothes." He notes, his gaze traveling over my body and stopping at my white shirt. I'd been in such a hurry to get to the hospital I hadn't even put a bra on. My nipples are hard and straining against the material, and his eyes seem to eat up the sight.
"Take it off." He commands, his voice completely different. There's a smokey quality to it that makes me shiver. I comply, tugging the shirt off my body and throwing it on the floor.
"You have the most gorgeous tits, Lina." He rasps, staring at me reverently. He circles the nub with his fingers and I throw my head back, gasping at the sensation. His mouth is next, lips sucking, teeth nibbling. Overwhelmed, I bring him up my body, kissing him like I dreamed about these two months. My hands go to his pants, and I struggle with the zipper, impatient at feeling him again.