I’m surprised to find the garage door open when I arrive, and my dad’s car is running, although the driver’s-side door is open. I can almost hear my heart slamming against my chest.
“Dad?” As I step into the shadow of the garage, fear falls on me like the pressure of a hand. I reach into the car to shut off the engine. “Dad?” I keep calling for him, even though he’s clearly not here.
The house is open, and I go from room to room still shouting for him. Nothing.
The basement is dark, and there’s no sign he’s been down here in ages—the junk is undisturbed, and impassable.
Then I remember: the toolshed.
I sprint up the stairs again. Before I’m even out the door, I spot him—not at the toolshed, but a dozen yards away, lying motionless on the grass.
“Dad!” I rocket off the porch. Dropping to my knees, I put my hands on his chest. His eyes flutter. “Dad! Can you hear me? Dad.”
He opens his eyes. His face is sunburned. His lips are peeling. He must have been out here for hours.
“Abby?” He blinks once, twice, and finally his eyes find focus.
“How long have you been out here?” I’m scared to touch him, to move him—I remember that you aren’t supposed to move people who have fallen. Or maybe that’s people who have been in an accident. I can’t think straight. A dumb animal panic is grinding my thoughts into uselessness. “What happened? Are you hurt?”
His eyes drift past me and land again. “I—I think I fell.”
“You think?”
“I don’t remember.” He frowns. “It’s the squirrels. There are squirrels in the attic again. I thought I’d patch the roof…”
“There’s no attic, Dad,” I tell him. “That was in the old house, remember?” We moved when I was five from the other side of Plantation Road because of problems with the neighbor: my dad became convinced he was spying on us, then accused him of doing hell’s work, then became the one spying so that he could prove it. I haven’t thought of the squirrels in years.
“I can hear them moving around.”
“That was the old house, remember? Back when Mom was alive.”
He closes his eyes. The skin of his eyelids is so thin it shows the movement beneath them. “I remember,” he says. Barely audible. Then, a little louder: “It’s my back. That’s why I couldn’t get up. I must have thrown it.”
I hook him beneath the shoulders but hardly manage to lift him before he seizes up in pain, crying out so loudly I nearly drop him.
“Dad, please.” My voice sounds frail. Desperate. Young. Not more than a week back in this place and the old Abby is emerging from the dark shadows like a skeleton. “I’m trying to help!”
The second time I try to lift him he only seems heavier. Sweat slicks my underarms. Pain has turned his skin waxy, and when I say his name again he barely shakes his head.
I stand up and the ground swings beneath me, like it wants to buck me off. A shadow circles high overhead. An owl, maybe, or a hawk. Bad omens. My legs feel strangely wooden, like a puppet’s, pulled by phantom strings.
In the kitchen I find my purse where I dropped it and rifle through it for my phone, shaking so hard I mistype the code twice before I manage it.
Condor picks up on the first ring.
—
I’m with my father, holding his hand, trying to comfort him, when Condor arrives, quietly and without comment. Together we move at a crawl, supporting my father between us to his car.
It doesn’t even occur to me to tell Condor that it’s okay, that I can drive my father to the emergency clinic in Dougsville, that he can go home now, and he doesn’t suggest it. In the car, I don’t say a word, although my father revives enough to rant against doctors, to claim they’re all quacks after our money. I’m too tired even to be embarrassed.
X-rays show what is likely a broken rib: a painful injury, but one that has to heal itself. The doctor writes a prescription for painkillers and tells my father sternly that he’ll have to take it easy.
In private, he asks me when my dad last had a physical. Immediately, my skin heats up.
“Not long ago,” I say, convinced that the doctor can tell that I’m lying, that I have no idea, that I’m a terrible daughter. “A year or two, maybe.”
“His blood pressure is pretty high,” he says. “And he was confused by some of my questions. Has he complained to you about headaches?”
I feel like I’m back in high school in front of a quiz I haven’t studied for. “No,” I say.
The doctor folds his mouth into a thin line. “He gets headaches.” Then: “Take him to his regular doctor for an exam. Soon.”
It’s nearly midnight when we return my dad to his house. As soon as I try to loop an arm around my dad’s waist, he says, “I got it, I got it.” Instead, he leans on Condor’s arm, and I trail behind them. Condor raises his eyes to hold mine and I read the sympathy there. I have to swallow the urge to cry.
Finally, when my dad is sleeping, after I slide behind the wheel of my car again, I find that only a few hours have passed since I first pulled into the driveway.
I follow Condor back to my rental house, guided by his taillights. We go slowly, as if in a processional. Condor pulls into his driveway, but emerges immediately to cross the browning yard to my car, getting a hand around the door to open it for me even before I’ve cut the engine. The surge of the crickets is so loud it sounds like an ocean.
“Thank you,” I say. My whole body is heavy with exhaustion. The porch light activates. I can feel his eyes searching me all over.
“All in a night’s work.” He keeps his voice light, but he isn’t smiling. “Are you going to be okay?”
I nod. I can hardly stand to be so close to him. It makes my body ache for entirely different reasons.
“You want to come over for a drink or something?” he asks me.
I don’t risk looking at him. If I do, I’ll say yes.
Condor picked up on the first ring. He helped my limping father into bed. And ten years ago, he took those photographs of poor Becky Sarinelli, and passed them around to everyone as a joke.
True or false? Good or evil? I’m beginning to think Misha was onto something. Maybe the line isn’t so clear after all.
“I should get some sleep,” I tell him.
But as I turn away, he skims my shoulder with a hand, and just that touch freezes me in place.
“Listen.” He licks his lips. I imagine following the line of his teeth with my tongue. “I don’t mean to overstep—I mean, you’re obviously dealing with a lot. I read things wrong…” He looks uncertain, and momentarily young. “Did I read things wrong?”
My whole body burns from standing so close to him. I can feel the rhythm of my heart beating in my ears. “You told me you made a lot of mistakes back when you were younger. Was Becky Sarinelli one of them?”
The change is immediate. It’s like a gate slams down behind his eyes.
“Where did that come from? Who did you talk to?” Even his voice sounds different. For a moment, I’m afraid of him. Of his bigness. Of the darkness. Of the fact that no one is around to witness whatever happens next.