It wouldn’t surprise me if they’re able to stimulate circulation, bones, joints, muscles when one can’t do anything but sit for long bouts, on an extended standoff, an endless stakeout, a grueling chase or journey. We’re developing the same technologies for long-duration flights when astronauts head to the moon, Mars, and other faraway places.
I’m betting dyes and pigments in fabrics, plastics and paints are photochromic, changing colors and shades depending on the need. And what a thought that I could be driving a gunpowder gray Tahoe one minute, and it’s red, white or blue the next. Or it might go into stealth mode on its own, blending with the surroundings and the weather rather much like a sea dragon or a PONG.
The carbon fiber joystick next to the shifter seems to be the main control unit, and wherever there’s real estate, flat touch screens have been mounted, on the back of the visors, on either side of the heads-up display, and across the dash. Some are divided into quadrants showing multiple camera images. Others are menus with acronyms and labels, most of them unfamiliar.
I figure a SRCH LT is what it sounds like. I know and appreciate what a FLIR thermal-imaging camera is, and infrared is always handy in low-light conditions. I have no trouble understanding the engine specs ART shows me as we go through the run-up systems check.
By all indications my Chase Car is no slouch. Bi-turbo V-8, 700 horsepower with an 8-speed automatic transmission, it has ceramic disc brakes worthy of a Lamborghini. Additional not-so-standard features in my new ride include a High Energy Laser (HEL) that fires from a Retractable Attack Turret (RAT).
Both work hand in glove with the Tracking and Targeting Locator (TATL) to warn and defend against Shoulder Launched Armed Missiles (SLAMs) and other Antisocial Gestures (AGs), I’m briefed through the truck’s speakers. It remains to be seen what I’ll do with a Flamethrower (FLTH), or a Water Artillery Disruptor (WAD) that fires a laser-guided Water Shot (WASH) able to penetrate metal.
I wouldn’t want to try out any of this on a crowded street. Not the Smoke Retaliator (SMOKR) either, although leaving a dense noxious fog in my wake would be a good way to lose someone. Making my getaway, I could change my identity to my heart’s content with the morphing license plates (MORPs).
Made of rugged glass-like polycarbonate, the faux tags are actually computer flat-screens. They flip up on command from the TATL, revealing Rifle Integrated Ports (RIPs) front and back that can unleash 800 rounds per minute from Full-Auto M16s (FAMs). And while it’s a handy feature to have, I’m not sure when I’d use it unless it’s to take out the tires of an entire convoy coming after me like Thelma and Louise.
If shooting live ammo from a moving vehicle in an urban setting isn’t the best-laid plan, I suppose I could destroy your windshield or engine with a well-placed WASH from the WAD, now that I think of it. Or blind you with my SMOKR before flambéing your persistent tailgating vehicle with my FLTH.
It would seem I have quite the selection of apocalyptic tools at my disposal to keep me in good order assuming they don’t do me in first. I wasn’t exactly given advance notice that I’d be piloting a Silverado pickup truck one day and a Death Star the next. There’s no instruction book beyond ART. Not even Carme is around to ask, maybe neither of us available to the other, and I honestly have no freakin’ idea what I’m doing. Or how I’ll manage.
“Here we go,” a deep breath, I shove the Tahoe into gear, thinking, Now or never.
I set out across the parking lot, reminded right away that something this heavy is sluggish getting started. And then doesn’t want to stop. So I’m careful not to do anything sudden, resisting the temptation to put the tricked-out SUV through its paces as the run-flats chew through slush and drifted snow like nobody’s business.
“A laser for shooting down drones, front and back M16s, a water disrupter for taking out engines, tires, who knows what,” I say to ART. “How many of these features are operational now?”
“It depends,” his non-answers are getting tedious.
“The reason I’m wondering is a few minutes ago this thing wouldn’t do much beyond remote starting,” as I gently, cautiously turn onto the shaded icy lane that leads to the main drag, the tires sliding a little. “What happens if I need to fire up the laser? Or if a bad guy launches a missile, a grenade, a weaponized drone with my name on it? That wouldn’t be a good time to tell me something isn’t operational or that we need permission.”
“It depends on the conditions,” and what he’s saying is it’s about the algorithms. “I’m required to assist at all times,” my invisible copilot adds as if it’s nonnegotiable.
“I can see why I’ll need help,” I’m objective about it. “But what happens if you and I can’t connect? Or don’t agree? Are there fail-safe overrides?”
“Affirmative. But not all of them have been optimized yet,” a jargony way of saying we really don’t know squat about how things are going to work or not.
“Well, that wasn’t what I was hoping to hear but I guess I’m getting used to it,” I comment, grateful the Air Force base is relatively quiet.
Thank goodness traffic is light, as I would expect on a Sunday afternoon, and I’m lumbering along at a cautious pace, getting acclimated to handling my Chase Car. The biggest challenge is monitoring multiple screens that have multiple pages of menus and images, the potential for multitasking quantum.
Fortunately, the roads are heavily sanded and salted, for the most part clear and dry. The military doesn’t close in a government shutdown, it’s business as usual unlike what I’ll face when I hit the NASA campus. It will be a foreboding winter obstacle course just like it was the last time we were furloughed in the middle of a blizzard.
Flooded thoroughfares and marshland will be icy, many streets impassable. Most sidewalks and outdoor steps won’t have been touched by rock salt or a shovel, and a big fear is frozen pipes. A bigger one is diehard researchers illegally camping out in their offices, refusing to be furloughed. Every building will have to be checked repeatedly for flooding in addition to the usual risks of squatters and other violators.
And I wonder how that’s going to work when I won’t want to be in Fran’s SUV or one of the Polaris ATVs. Not when I can be in my Tahoe, and how will I explain it to her anyway? Unlike our usual assigned vehicles, this one can’t be driven by anyone except me. I suppose I’ll say I’m test piloting it for the Secret Service because of the task force I’m on.