I was neither.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly into my hair. “Please don’t give up on me. I love you.”
I pulled back. “Then what the fuck are you doing bringing Chelsea around?”
He stepped back and threw up his hands. “I don’t know. You told me about Jack and I just… ugh. I just didn’t want to be some loser here without a date while you brought around your new ‘boyfriend.’ Can you blame me?” He used a snide voice and finger quotes on the word boyfriend. Like a fucking child.
“Yes, in fact, I can blame you. Because for fucking years you brought women around when I didn’t have anyone. For years you’ve flaunted girlfriends around me when you knew I was in love with you. Like you didn’t give one single thought about my feelings. Like it was all a fucking game to you! What about me, huh? What about my fucking feelings, Chris? Jesus fucking Christ. You’re the most selfish person I fucking know!” My voice had gotten louder and louder until it was croaking, and my eyes felt like they were going to explode with tears like a cartoon.
I swiped at them angrily. “I wish I hated you. I wish I could tell you to go to hell. But I can’t. Because I’ve loved you most of my life. And all I’ve gotten for it is absolutely nothing.”
Chris’s face was pale with shock. “Teo, I’m sorry. I didn’t… I wasn’t thinking. I never meant to hurt you. I thought… I thought we were too young. It was too soon. Jesus, Tee. We’re only twenty-six. Are you really ready to—”
“For fuck’s sake, don’t you ever listen to me?” My shout echoed off the walls of the narrow hallway, surprising even me.
The sound of a grunt and something crashing came from the end of the corridor. Both of us turned to see Jack whip around the corner toward us. He looked pissed.
“What the fuck did you say to him?” he barked at Chris. Jack looked at me, and his face fell. “Baby, shit. Come here. Fuck.” He reached for me and pulled me into his chest. “You’re upset. What did he say to you?” He must have looked back up at Chris. “What the fuck did you say to him? Haven’t you done enough? Jesus fuck. You know what? Never mind. We’re leaving.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jay, Sam, and Logan step out of the suite to see what was going on. My humiliation was complete now that everyone apparently knew I’d been holding on to a ridiculous fantasy all this time.
I tugged on Jack’s shirt. “You’re right, let’s go,” I said softly. “Please.”
He clasped my face and studied me for a beat before using his thumbs to wipe off my tears. Then he pressed a long kiss to my cheek before clearing his throat and taking my hand. When we got to the end of the hallway, I saw a garbage can on its side with trash spilling out of it and a member of the janitorial staff working on putting it to rights.
Jack stopped and pulled out his wallet, passing the guy a wad of cash. “I’m so sorry, man. I turned the corner too fast and wiped it out.”
The man’s mouth turned up in a grin at the money. “Yeah, dude. No problem. Thanks.”
I could tell Jack was angry, but I couldn’t quite figure out if all of his anger was aimed at Chris or some of it at me for being such a pathetic loser. I was embarrassed and hurt. The reality of my unrequited love for Chris was finally bearing down on me, and it hurt like hell.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered as he led me out through the doors and into the cool spring night. It seemed like everyone was staring at me.
Jack whipped around to face me. “No. No way. You have nothing to be sorry for, especially to me. You did nothing wrong.”
The tears wanted to come again at his fierce defense of me. “But I shouldn’t have—”
“No,” he said again, reaching up to cup my face. I loved it when he did that. “He’s the one who should be apologizing, not you. He’s spent years stringing you along, saying just the right things to keep you on the hook, and god forbid you finally have someone for yourself. God forbid you want what he’s had so many times over the years. I can’t believe that selfish fucking bastard.”
I blinked at him. “I’m such an idiot for not seeing it sooner. That’s partly why I’m so upset. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have wasted so much fucking time? Who does that, Jack? Who waits a fucking decade for someone to follow through on a promise? And who holds someone to a promise they clearly have no interest in fulfilling? I feel sick. Just… why was I so naive?”
He pulled my face to his and slammed his lips on mine, right there outside of Wrigley Field. When Jack Snyder kissed me, he may as well be sucking out my brain in the process, because I instantly turned to derpy mush.
I clutched at his shirt front to keep from tipping over and stood up on tiptoes to get more, more, more. Finally, he pulled back and sucked in a breath. I stared at him.
“Your place or mine? Wait. Yours. You have Socrates and Waffles. Lead the way.”
I stood on my toes to kiss him again, just a quick one to thank him for being so thoughtful and sweet, before threading my fingers through his and heading toward the station.
Walking hand in hand with him through the streets of Chicago was a dream come true. Even though it carried with it fear of people’s negative reactions and possible bullying, it was still something I’d never been able to do before. Maybe it was a silly cliché, but it was little things like this I’d always wanted to do with Chris before.
I glanced up at Jack while we strode to the station. His jaw was still tight, but as soon as he caught me looking at him, his mouth broke into a wide smile. “What’re you looking at, cutie?” he asked.
I grinned back at him. “I feel like I just got asked to the prom or something,” I admitted. “I’ve never held anyone’s hand in public like this. Isn’t that crazy?”
He squeezed my hand. “Not crazy. Maybe a little overdue though.” He yanked me closer and put his arm around my shoulder instead. I had to hop a little to try and get our strides synchronized so we didn’t crash our hips together with every step.
“Nah,” I said, stepping out from under his arm. “That’s too awkward, or your legs are too long.”
He took my hand again. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Hell no,” I said. “I want to tell you all about the rabbits that Hannah got to take care of last week. They sounded so adorable; I think I need a pet rabbit or twelve.”
We made our way onto the train and across the city to the Fifty-Third Street station. I lived in a small studio apartment in Hyde Park. It was a great neighborhood with several large parks nearby and the University of Chicago’s student population filling the shops and restaurants. I liked the energy of the area and had decided to stay after finishing my nursing degree.
I pointed things out to Jack as we walked the two and a half blocks to my building. “There are two Thai restaurants on this block. Don’t ask me why because one of them should be condemned. No one ever goes there. Maybe it’s a front for the mafia.” I whispered the last word in a mock dramatic voice.
“You know how those mafia dons love their Panang,” Jack teased.
“You hungry? We could grab something to take home. I think all I have in my apartment is the ingredients for pancakes.”