‘And she said you found those photographs of me in my bin,’ Felicity goes on. ‘Ezzy’s prints were on those as well. She’d been watching me for a while before I left. I think she drew some eyes on my window one time. She was trying to scare me away, get me to leave you alone. I guess it worked.’
‘You don’t remember coming across her and Dora by the river?’ Joe ignores the rise of guilt at the knowledge that he nearly got Felicity killed. And probably was indirectly responsible for Bella’s death. He will have plenty of time on the trip home to come to terms with it. ‘Was that one of the – you know, the others?’
Felicity bites on her bottom lip. ‘Bamber thinks it was Shane, but she isn’t sure. She says he won’t talk about it, that it’s really shaken him up.’
Joe waits, knowing there is more to come.
‘Bamber says Shane was – born, came into being – I don’t really know the words, when I was living on the streets in my late teens. He became obsessed with the homeless, with watching over them.’
She glances sideways at him. ‘I know it’s nuts,’ she says. ‘I hear myself and think, how can this be happening to me. How can all this be going on in my head and I have no idea?’
‘Just acknowledging that it’s happening is progress,’ Joe says. ‘Even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.’
Felicity stops walking. ‘If it had been me, I wouldn’t have run,’ she says. ‘I wouldn’t have left Dora to face Ezzy by herself. I know I wouldn’t. I feel so—’
Joe puts a hand on her shoulder. ‘It’s not your fault,’ he says. ‘Whoever you were at the time, you’re not to blame for what Ezzy did.’
And neither am I, Joe thinks to himself, and wonders if there might come a time when he believes it.
‘Thank you for coming all this way,’ Felicity says.
‘To arrest you?’
‘To save me.’
Joe feels like a fraud. ‘Freddie kept you alive in the water. Jack knew where to find you. I did nothing, really.’
They are both silent for a moment and then, ‘I really don’t like leaving you alone here,’ he says.
‘I’m going to give you a minute to appreciate the irony of that,’ Felicity replies.
Joe laughs, although it is the last thing he feels like doing.
‘I’m better here,’ she says. ‘The others are quieter here. It’s as though they know this is my place, I have to lead the pack.’
Joe has no arguments left. There are no criminal charges left for Felicity to answer. Neither he nor anyone else can force her to seek treatment before she is ready. And she may never be ready.
‘Do you have any sense,’ he asks, ‘of how many others there are? I mean we know about Shane, obviously, the one who looks after you, but—’
Felicity shakes her head. ‘No, Bamber looks after me. She’s the street fighter. Shane is very troubled. He only hurts himself.’
‘If you know that, you’ve come a long way already.’
‘Bamber knows most of the others. She’s told me about the little girl, who’s always so afraid, and about a woman who’s quite old, who hates me. She sounds a bit like my grandmother.’
‘Did Granny write the diary?’ Joe asks.
‘Bamber thinks so.’ Felicity blushes and for a second can’t meet his eyes. ‘She and I talk to each other. I know, of course, that what’s really going on is I’m letting myself remember, but it’s easier to do it this way.’
‘Whatever works.’
‘I think the others emerge when I need them. When Freddie started writing to me from prison, I freaked out. On some level, I was terrified of him.’
‘This was in March last year.’ Joe has already worked this out for himself. Freddie’s reappearances in Felicity’s life, in her late teens, and a year ago, triggered her mental health problems.
Felicity nods. ‘I couldn’t cope alone. So I fractured.’
‘Fractured suggests you’re broken,’ Joe says. ‘You’re not.’
‘Split?’ says Felicity. ‘Is that a better word?’
He smiles. ‘Splits can be healed.’
They set off again and the jetty rocks beneath their feet. Joe turns on impulse back to the administrative buildings and sees the cold blue eyes of Jack watching them from Nigel’s office. There are more reasons than one why he doesn’t want to leave her here. But time is no more forgiving than the tide and they have reached the boat.
‘My contract ends in fifteen months,’ Felicity says. ‘I’m coming back to England then.’
‘I’ll be waiting,’ Joe tells her.
She steps forward and kisses him softly on the lips. He counts three, four seconds, then she pulls away. ‘Safe trip,’ she tells him, as Ralph starts the engine.
‘I met Bamber,’ Joe says. ‘The last night you were in Cambridge. She kissed me too.’
Felicity steps back to let him board the launch. She is smiling and Joe realises that it is the first time, except in photographs, that he has seen her happy.
‘Well,’ she says, ‘that bitch and I have some talking to do.’