‘Bob, you can’t ask that of me. This is a woman’s life we’re talking about, not some slight misdemeanour…’
‘But Joy – she’d never forgive me.’
‘You can’t hide this forever.’
‘I have to. If she found out she’d leave me, and I couldn’t bear that, Clare, please. My job is to protect Joy and the boys. “Keep them safe, Bob,” she says… “We have to keep them safe.” That’s why I had to deal with Ella, she was dangerous, not just to our boys – to all of us. She was messing our Jamie around, saying Dan touched her and she was going to tell everyone about you and Jamie and—’
‘You know about me and Jamie?’
He nodded. ‘Oh yes. I’ve known for a long time. Our Jamie always had a soft spot for you – oh, it would never have come to anything, he just wanted what Dan had, always did. That night when you two… we were having our crafty cigars and I saw the way he looked at you in the garden. I blame Joy, she used to buy them the same toys when they were kids—’ He chuckled to himself. ‘Anyway, I went to bed, left you and Jamie in the garden, then later, much later, Joy sent me downstairs for a glass to put her water in, you know she’ll only drink from certain glasses?’
‘Yes,’ I said, feeling sick.
‘I heard you both in the living room, it didn’t take Columbo to work out what you two were up to.’ He laughed at his own rather lame joke.
‘Does Joy know… about me and Jamie?’
‘No. It would break her bloody heart, she adores our boys and the idea that one of them… with the other one’s wife… And, like me, it won’t take her long to do the maths. To think that one of Dan’s children could be Jamie’s! Imagine?’ He leaned on the kitchen counter, turning pale at the prospect. ‘I thought we’d managed to avoid the truth coming out but then Ella turned up in Italy. We were sitting by the pool one day,’ he continued, ‘and I heard Jamie telling you that he and Ella wanted custody of Freddie, that she was going to tell everyone. Then there was the stuff she was saying about Dan – Joy told me… and I couldn’t bear it. All that upset, Clare. It was too much. Joy’s heart couldn’t take it.’
‘So you…?’
‘She was just there, in the garden, doing her yoga. I called her over to the pool. I just did what I had to, Clare – I kept us all safe.’ He was putting two teabags into fresh mugs and he looked at me. For a moment, he had that vague look on his face that he often had when he was confused, or appearing to be confused. Then he gave me a little smile. ‘Now, you and I both know each other’s secrets. If you don’t tell mine, then I won’t tell yours.’ He gave me a wink as he put a mug of tea down in front of me.
Epilogue
I’m standing in the sitting room waiting for Dan to come home. The big window is filled with the golden autumn. Frilly leaves of every hue fill the frame like a giant painting. I’ll be sad to leave here.
I pull my cardigan around my shoulders in the chill; like the summer heat happened to someone else, the pressure cooker of last summer is so far away. And tonight I’m going to push it even further.
I’ve asked Joy to look after the children because it’s time Dan and I talked.
‘Ooh, date night?’ she asked, eager eyes, those hot pink lips pursed with hope. ‘Are you two having second thoughts about the divorce? I hope so. I’m so glad you’ve seen sense, darling.’
‘Well, I’ve come to my senses at last,’ I’d said, smiling.
Her delight was clear to see. ‘Good girl,’ she said, like I was five years old. This was the Clare she knew and loved. I was sticking it out, ignoring the ‘dalliance’ and standing by my man. Joy thought she had us all back under her control and, most importantly, next summer’s family holiday could now be booked.
How could his mother even think I would contemplate staying with Dan? As if I needed any more encouragement to continue with this divorce, I hear that Marilyn’s back from Australia and she and Dan are back in touch. A friend of mine saw them in a restaurant in Manchester, and apparently they are still ‘very close’. I wasn’t remotely affected by this news, not a twinge of jealousy or regret – all I thought was, ‘at least she’s alive’. I just hope she stays that way, because we don’t all survive the Taylors.
* * *
So tonight, on what Joy assumes is ‘date night’, over a candlelit supper in a nearby restaurant, I am going to tell my soon-to-be-divorced husband about me and his brother. I’ll point out that our youngest child might not be his and also tell him that his own father is trying to blackmail me into keeping his own secret. Then I’ll tell him how Ella died, and that I’m going to call the police.
I have no idea how Dan will take all this, and I’m not sure I care, I just want the lies to stop. His mother filled his head with too much stardust, too much self-esteem, and allowed her sons to live without consequences. She was always there to chopper them out of difficult situations, and remove people who caused problems. Only, this time, without her knowledge, Bob had gone one step further.
And now, I’m glad to escape from this toxic life of lies and secrets and selfish people who don’t really care about anyone but themselves. Perhaps they aren’t even capable of love. We’ll see when the truth comes out and Joy’s love for Bob is tested.
The Taylors seemed to want me never to trust anyone but them. But I am learning the only person I can trust is myself, and I know I can teach my children to trust and be trusted – and to never keep secrets from the people they love. My family are Violet, Alfie and Freddie and I intend to keep them very safe, and very close.
Last summer my sister-in-law turned up and my life changed. Then I saw Ella as the enemy, when, in truth, she could have been an ally. But, although she’s not around to see it, I will help her achieve what she wanted. I will bring down the Taylors and get her and Carmel the justice they deserve. In another time, another place, we could have been sisters-in-law but also friends; sadly the Taylors ruined that, as they’d ruined so much, but not any more. I let Ella down badly but I won’t let her down again. In the end we can’t rely on anyone but ourselves, Ella knew that, but in the end she couldn’t help herself. So now it’s up to me to do it for all of us: me, Carmel, Marilyn and Ella – my sister-in-law, who always finds me. No matter how far I run, I know she will always be there. With the flap of a butterfly’s wing, she invited the hurricane, stirring up the sediment at the bottom of the stagnant pool, ripping open the secrets that held us all together. But in doing that she showed me what I must do to live the life I deserve.
After tonight there will be no more hiding, no more secrets, and no more lies. If there’s a hurricane building, I’m ready to face that storm.