I had done my best to put things right. I had remade the bed, put a teddy back on the shelf and straightened a picture. Then I had returned the underwear back to the drawer and slotted it back on the runner. I had wiped the tears from my cheeks and left the room, locking the door behind me. I knew then that it was the only way I could keep the memories safe, the only way the room would be untouched for Nell’s return.
‘Well, these women you speak of can gossip all they like,’ I said. ‘I suppose they are saying I am mad for keeping Nell’s room as it was all those years ago?’
‘No, Agnes—’
‘Well, they don’t understand that I have practicalities to consider,’ I said. ‘You see, I have to keep that room free. You must understand why. Nell always hated it if she thought someone had disturbed her things. I have to keep it as it is, in case she—’ I knew that my last word would sound strange and he seemed to wince as I said it ‘—returns.’
‘I understand,’ he said.
‘No, you don’t…’ I began, but I could not explain to him that searching Nell’s room would violate her all over again, so instead I said, ‘I saw what you and your men did to Sam’s place.’
He opened his mouth, but there was no argument that he could make.
‘You speak of ensuring Sam would not return to Waldley Court,’ I said, ‘and I have seen with my own eyes what you meant by that.’
He nodded. ‘I am sorry that you saw that, Agnes,’ he said, ‘but this is a very different matter. I will be very respectful. You know that my Susan is nearing the age that Nell was back then. I will treat Nell’s things as if they belonged to my own daughter.’
There was a prickle of tears in my eyes and the room seemed to cloud, a vague outline forming in the chair by the window. I tried to blink her away but Nell had appeared in her usual spot and I fancied that she must have heard every word we said.
‘It has been a long time since I was here, working on this case,’ Roy continued. ‘This is the first time there has been anything new. Please help me to make sense of it.’
I nodded reluctantly. ‘You’ll find the key to Nell’s bedroom on the ledge above the doorframe,’ I whispered, wiping my eyes. ‘She always kept it there. She thought that I didn’t know, you see. I put it back there after you left the last time.’
Roy said nothing more, just nodded and left the room, the creak of the stairs coming moments later.
Nell’s head turned towards the sound, her eyes large and her face pale. Then she looked back to me.
‘I am sorry,’ I whispered. ‘I am so sorry.’
Then came the sound of the key in the lock.
We sat together, our eyes fixed on one another, flinching at every noise that came from above us – the heavy footsteps, the creak of the floorboards and the grate of the hinge on the wardrobe door. I started to think of Roy’s hands again, hands that were now aged and gnarled, feeling through the soft cotton of her underwear and rags.
I jumped when I heard the clunk of the bottom drawer. Nell’s eyes widened and I found that I could no longer look at her, but the sound was followed by that of the drawer being replaced and I realised that, when it suited him, Roy was a gentleman after all.
Then at last I heard the sound of the key in the lock and the creak of the stairs again.
‘I am sorry I had to do that, Agnes,’ Roy said as he returned to his chair.
I shrugged my shoulders but found that I could not look at him.
‘You can be assured that I have not left anything out of place.’
I nodded.
‘I hope you understand I would not want this to sour things between us.’ He hesitated as if waiting for me to reassure him, but when I did not he cleared his throat in a kind of awkward way, picked up his coat and took a few steps across the carpet. It was not until he reached the doorway that he turned back to me. ‘Do you lock your front door?’ he asked.
‘Yes,’ I said, confused by the question, then, ‘No, I didn’t back then, nobody did, not unless they would be gone from the house for an hour or so. I would not bother most of the time but, if I knew that I would be away for a long time, then I would put the key on top of the porch under the thatch for Nell to find. She knew I kept the spare key there.’
‘Did you notice anything missing from the house on May Day?’ he asked.
‘No,’ I said. ‘Nothing. Why do you ask?’
‘Well, you must have noticed that in the film, Sam and Iris are crossing the green in the direction of Oak Cottage, almost as if they were headed here. The maypole is behind them and the position of the tree would suggest that they would have passed close by or could have even attempted to enter this house.’
‘I hadn’t noticed,’ I snapped. ‘Anyway, how can you possibly remember one little detail from that evening? Surely all anyone can remember is seeing the face of Iris Caldwell again – a girl thought murdered on that morning, a girl who…’ But I did not complete the thought because I realised that Roy must have seen the film since the viewing at the church hall. The officers must have played it over and over as they pored over every flickering frame, the handle of the projector turned slowly and deliberately before each image faded. Roy would have seen the long shadow cast by the oak tree and the maypole, the man with the cap drawn low over his face and the girl who leant on his shoulder. He would have seen in which direction they walked.
‘Is it possible that something more happened in this house? Something which—’
‘No, it is not possible!’
He stepped back slightly and I realised then that I must have shouted.
‘Sorry,’ I muttered, but I could feel a strange hollowing sensation in my stomach. He was right – something had happened here on May Day morning. I did not know exactly what but it was something that I dared not speak of – a thought that I often banished because I feared that even allowing myself to think about it would somehow make it real.
‘Well,’ he said, ‘I am sorry to cause you distress, Agnes. If there is anything else you need, you know where I am.’
‘Of course,’ I said, relieved that he would not question me further.
He stood up and went to the hallway, letting himself out of the front door. Then he reached up and put his hand under the thatch on the top of the porch. ‘The key is still here, Agnes,’ he said, waving it in front of me. ‘You should be more careful. Things have been tight since the Depression and there might be undesirables around.’
‘Do you mean undesirables like Sam Denman?’ I asked pointedly. ‘Or your men?’
He did not answer; he just handed the key to me. ‘You have no need to keep it here, Agnes. You should keep it in the house, or on you when you go out.’
‘I can’t do that,’ I said. ‘It needs to be there in case…’ I stopped myself but he knew what I was going to say.
‘Nell will not return,’ he said. ‘You must know that.’
‘But I don’t know!’ I cried. ‘That’s the point – nobody can be sure.’
‘I’m sorry that this incident has brought back memories,’ he said, ‘and maybe even hopes, but you must know that there is absolutely no evidence that Nell is still alive.’ He walked down the garden path and I followed him silently, shutting the gate behind him, and watched as he crossed the village green towards the police station. I turned back to the house and reached up to put the key back on top of the porch, catching a glimpse of Nell’s face as she watched me through the window.