She glowered at Matt, and he glared back. ‘I didn’t do it on purpose, did I?’
‘Oh, just…’ She pressed her lips together, let her curses rattle round inside her head instead of speaking them out loud. ‘Why don’t you go to bed. I’ll sort this out.’
‘Yeah, well done, Matt, for bringing a shitload of money into the house.’ His voice mocked hers. ‘Thank you for providing for your family.’
‘It’s brilliant, love. Brilliant. I’m really pleased,’ she said in a voice that sounded as excited as if he’d just announced he’d bought a loaf of bread. She grabbed the cloth and started to wipe up the mess of glass and beer.
‘Christ, I don’t know what’s got into you recently.’ Sara looked up, realising it was a mistake as soon as she saw the accusation in his eyes. ‘You’re seeing someone else, aren’t you?’
‘I’m bloody not. I’m working my arse off to keep money coming in after you lost your job.’ She concentrated on clearing up the glass, not wanting to catch his eye in case he could see what was happening in her heart. How it was wavering, being treacherous, developing feelings that she knew were wrong.
‘It’s that James, isn’t it? That’s who you’re having it off with.’
‘I’m not. I work with him and that’s it. Don’t go accusing me of—’
‘Yeah, like you’re gonna be honest with me.’ He pointed at her, his finger swaying in the air. ‘I’m watching you.’ He stumbled backwards towards the hallway. ‘Eyes all over the place, and if I find out you’re cheating on me, then you’re gone. You hear? You’re out of this house with nothing.’
She carried on cleaning the floor, her body shaking. She’d never seen him like this before. Couldn’t believe the change in him. He was drinking more, got angry so quickly. She’d put it down to stress. Thought it was because he was trying so hard to make up for losing his job. But maybe that wasn’t it. Maybe she’d been making assumptions that were just plain wrong.
Perhaps there was a side to him that had lain dormant all these years.
His threat bounced round her head and she had to take it seriously. This weekend with James had to be the last, then she had to put more distance between them, because she could feel that her heart was betraying her, pulling her towards James and away from her husband. And her family. She couldn’t let that happen. Keeping the family together was paramount, and she’d go to hell and back to make sure her children had the security she’d always yearned for when she was growing up.
Her mind scratched away at the problem while she searched the floor for stray pieces of glass.
Her deal with James had to end. But how?
The only way was to own up to Matt. Tell him what she’d done and use some of the cash from his contract to repay her debt. She nodded to herself. That was exactly what she’d do. She’d tell James she had the money. Then she’d confess to Matt and…
She sat back against the kitchen cupboard, knees to her chest, and hung her head, exhausted and confused, appalled at how her life had spiralled out of control. How do I get back to where we were before? She didn’t have the answers, knew it was impossible. Things had fundamentally changed, and like tectonic plates shifting on the surface of the earth, her world and Matt’s no longer fitted together. They were sliding in different directions and she had no idea how to pull them back together. A tear ran down her cheek, then another. She brushed them away, determined not to give in to despair. After the troubles of her childhood, surely she could work this problem out.
As she sat in the quiet of the kitchen, nothing to hear but the clock ticking on the wall, her thoughts calmed until there were no more ripples on the surface of her mind. And then, like a fish breaking the surface of the water, a new question jumped into her head.
Is Matt’s work even legal?
Chapter Twenty-One
Sara’s hands shook with nerves as she packed her weekend bag, Matt scrutinising every little thing she put in there. They’d hardly spoken since their row the night before. Ezra had gone to stay with Hailey for the weekend, something he enjoyed doing as there was a family living next door with a little girl his age and they’d struck up an unexpected friendship. The girls were having a sleepover with Chelsea, Fiona’s daughter, so Matt had the house to himself and could focus on his work. Sara thought he’d be happy with the plan, but he’d discovered a way to find fault.
‘So you think I’m not capable of looking after my family now? Is that it?’ His arms were folded across his chest as he leant against the wall.
‘No, it’s just you were annoyed that I was going away when you had work to do, so I made arrangements to give you space to get on with things and not have to think about kids and getting meals ready.’ She walked into the bathroom to pack her toiletries, not wanting to argue about it. Whatever she did wouldn’t be right; he was in that sort of mood.
When she came back out again, he’d gone, and she heaved a sigh of relief. She wondered if he’d seen the guilt on her face, if he could sense the fluttering of her heart. Eyes all over the place. That was what he’d said, and now she was worried. Had she been seen with James when they’d been out for lunch? Lunches she’d never mentioned to her husband because she knew what he was like about her being friendly with men. It was non-negotiable, something she’d understood not long after they were married, when he’d started a massive row at a bar when he thought a man was chatting her up. Imagine if he knew she was going away with James for a weekend, even if it was just for companionship. Would she come back to find her possessions littering the front lawn, her key no longer working?
She zipped up her bag and took it downstairs, pulse racing. She hated the deceit, of course she did, but part of her couldn’t wait to be out of the house for a couple of days. Away from the tension that crackled between them, an argument never far away. Thank goodness the kids would be having a fun weekend as well. At least that made her feel better about leaving them.
Matt wasn’t around to see her off, and she called goodbye through his office door, not surprised when he didn’t respond. ‘Stupid bad-tempered bloody idiot of a man,’ she muttered under her breath as she marched to her car.
Sara had suggested she and James should arrive separately, given her worries about Matt finding out where she was going and with whom. They were staying at the same country-house hotel near Harrogate where the networking event had been held a couple of weeks earlier; a special offer, James had said, for network members. That was why it had to be this weekend.
As she drove through the undulating Yorkshire countryside, at its finest in its May clothes – with frothy hawthorn blossom adorning the hedgerows, the grass lush and green in the evening light – her mind had some space to work at her knotted thoughts.
I’m going to have a lovely restful time, she told herself, hands gripping the wheel tightly as the radio sang to her in the background. She’d never been on a spa weekend, although Fiona raved about them and regularly treated herself to a break away to recharge, as she put it.
She pondered then about Fiona and James. An unlikely couple, she thought. Fiona was way too forceful for a gentle soul like him. She’d trample all over him, leave him wondering which way was up. Fiona’s warning echoed in her mind. Jealous. That’s definitely it, she decided. She’d have hated to be dumped. Sara let herself imagine how the conversation might have gone, the look on Fiona’s face when James told her the relationship was over. She had such an expressive face at times – able to control her daughter with a mere stare – and she would have been horrified that he’d dared do that to her. Sara laughed, then admonished herself. That’s no way to think about a friend.